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Beware the Opposition!
Any time you make changes in your life you are going to be met with opposition from people who would prefer you to stay exactly as you are. Sadly, these people are often the ones that love you the most; your family, friends, partners and even work...
Five Steps to Increase the People Power in Your Business
Take some bold steps and help your employees and business partners open up to real change and help them start thinking again to the longer term. Send a message that you are ready to commit to new ways of thinking and that that includes a...
How To Increase Your Coaching Record By At Least 25%
"How can I become a better and more effective coach?" We
hear this question frequently and there's obviously more
than one answer. Today, let's explore one aspect of better
coaching.
You need to identify one or two players on your team...
Online Shopping Saves You Time and Money
Shopping seems to have existed for as long as people
have had a need for things they could not make themselves.
Even before cash was common, people would barter and
trade for things they needed and this was essentially
shopping. Shopping had...
THE “SEVEN Cs”: PARTNERSHIP DANGER SIGNS - The 6th C: Changing Vision
A series of articles exploring the seven critical areas that can indicate a partnership is in trouble.
The 6th C: Changing Vision
In order for a business to be a success the vision and mission must be reflected in all aspects of the...
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Budda In Your Back Pocket
The other day I was late for something. Not very late. In fact, I was actually on time but an angry voice berated me anyway, saying, "You are late! There will be no seats left. You wouldn't run late if you were more organized!" It was a terrible feeling, especially because the voice was partially right.
Who was this voice yelling at me? It was my nemesis – the Shrew who lives in my head.
We all get annoyed at ourselves from time to time; it is only natural. But for some of us, it can become an unrelenting bother. There can be no contentment when the Shrew is on the scene!
Some call it a gremlin, others an inner critic, others negative self-talk. I call her the Shrew. No matter what you call yours, you know who I mean. She's fierce, she's damning and she's quick to pounce on every mistake you make, turning them into capital offenses. The Shrew exaggerates our flaws, smashes our self-esteem, ruins our confidence, distracts us from what we are doing and makes us miserable.
I am choosing not to live with it anymore! I invite you to do the same. There is a force which can tame the Shrew: The Buddha in Your Back Pocket*.
Think of a time when you witnessed a stranger being scolded and felt badly for them. Perhaps it was a worker being accused by an angry boss of "screwing things up" for something you knew wasn't their fault. Did you wish you could go up to that worker and say, "Don't pay any attention to them. I saw what happened and I know you are a doing a good job!"
This softer side of you is the anti-Shrew. It is empathy and compassion. The Shrew is afraid of it because she fears you might offer it to yourself. It is a skill to learn to apply this loving, tender, supportive side of ourselves to ourselves. Many of us, me included, are not in the habit of it.
The morning I was late, Ms. Shrew was in full force. But, before she could ruin my day, I was able to ward her off by pulling out the Buddha in My Back Pocket. It felt a bit like Luke Skywalker yielding a light saber
against Darth Vader. "Luke, use the force!"
I let the powerful voice of the Buddha in My Back Pocket counter the accusations of the Shrew. He asked, "What were your reasons for making the choices you did this morning?" and "Would you make these same choices again?" Then he reminded me of two universal truths: "You are doing the best you can" and "Growth involves observing one's actions and then learning from them." Under this influence of love and a genuine intention to seek understanding, I was able to temporarily silence the Shrew, objectively analyze my "lateness" and gain valuable personal insight. Within a few minutes, I felt relieved, re-engaged in life and able to peacefully continue with the rest of my day.
Unfortunately, we can't eradicate the Shrew completely. But we can learn to access this equalizing force: the pursuit of empathetic understanding – a loving friend that takes your side and helps you learn about yourself in a safe and protected way. The Buddha in your Back Pocket is always with you to calm your mind, forgive your errs, and remind you of the growth in your life. As you cultivate your relationship with the Buddha in your Back Pocket, you will experience more self-love, confidence and peace.
Life is too short to spend time unnecessarily berating ourselves with critical self-talk! Go forth into your day and bring the Buddha in Your Back Pocket with you. You never know when you might need it!
*I do not wish to offend anyone by using the title Buddha. I have the utmost respect for the Buddhist tradition. In this article, I refer to Buddha as a representation of an enlightened teacher offering guidance to those who chose to listen.
About the Author
Deirdre's coaching is an accelerant that helps produce results. Using practical analysis, active listening and brainstorming, she challenges you to improve your quality of life immediately.
Looking for a topic and speaker for your next meeting? Call Deirdre today to discuss the details of your event: 207-439-4280.
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