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Are We Having Fun Yet?
Many years ago, while serving in the U.S. Air Force, I was lucky enough to work for a commander, Lieutenant Colonel Mike Danielle, who first introduced me to an idea that I have since adopted as one of my primary 'operating principles.'
The...
Buying A Unique Wedding Gift
Your best friend’s wedding is coming up and you have to buy a gift. You don’t really want to get them a blender or a vacuum cleaner or a set of dishes. You could just give them money, but that seems so impersonal, albeit useful. What do you do to...
Skatesailing – The Ice Age
As with any extreme sport, some people enjoy the warmth of surfing and others prefer the cold weather and would rather skate instead of surf. With this, another popular extreme sport has been created Skatesailing. Skatesailors like to take to...
The Nerve of Insignificant France under Chirac the Pretender
For France to make the demand of leading postwar Iraq with minimal American and British involvement, especially in light of its recent behavior against the coalition, is very insulting to say the least.
Monday, March 24, 2003
The Nerve of...
Verbal Self Defense – A Critical Factor in Self Defense for Women
Verbal self defense, the use of your voice in a threatening situation, is an extremely important tool in protecting yourself. How? Uncommon to popular belief, criminals do not pounce on an individual when the mood strikes them. They attack...
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8 Things That Maketh Not The Lady
1. Tattoos.
Tattoos used to be the colouring of soldiers, sailors, mafiosi and punk rockers. About ten years ago, they became fashionable. The lower-middle classes started taking them up. Unfortunately, unlike last years' shoes, tattoos can't be taken to the thrift shop and disposed of.
To a certain class of person, tattoos are 'cool'. To another, they are a graffito on the temple of the soul. They mark a woman definitively as lower class, alienated, depressed, and a bit daft. They're also a handy way to identify one absolutely to the authorities. Which shows how stupid some crooks are.
The same goes for piercings. My family are farmers. I associate nose rings with bulls, and piercings with cattle tags. They are a haven of dirt, infection, and their openings look unsightly.
With tattoos and piercings, before you've opened your mouth, you've already typed yourself to people you meet.
2. Highlights and streaks.
Are you blonde, or brunette? Make up your mind! These might have been novel ten years ago. Now they just look common. Not all gentlemen prefer blondes. A healthy head of untinted brunette or raven dark hair is a pleasant novelty these days.
It is true that blondes have more fun. I used to be one! Most people on the planet are dark. A non-blonde with blonde hair looks 'interesting'.
Now this fashion is done to death, however. If they're doing it in Romford, it's buried!
3. Big hoop earrings.
Unmistakably part of the wardrobe of the gypsy. Which is fine if you are one. Strangely popular. Perhaps they're to make the wearer's head look smaller. Add them to the features above, and an unattractive type emerges.
4. Binge drinking.
Binge drinking, squawking and falling over in the street is hilarious if you are the one doing it. If you are the spectator, it's less so.
5. Visible G-string.
This is erotic, no doubt about it. Unless you haven't the figure to pull it off. Likely to provoke a reaction of 'Mother of G*d!' when adorning the pasty, blemished buttocks of the 'full-figured' young lady. Bad diet, no exercise, five-pints-a-night, then 'peek-a-boo!'. Agggh!
I used to wonder why so many saucily-dressed young ladies walked the streets hatchet-faced. Now I now. Half are trying to ward off unwanted vulgar advances
from men, the other half are annoyed they're not getting any!
There's nothing sexy about contrived, blatant eroticism. What's erotic is what seems to be an accident. 'A glimpse of stocking is something quite shocking' etc.
Likely to irritate female co-workers also. Assuming your company allows such clothing. It doesn't? I wonder why?
6. Swearing.
Your gentleman friends might find this amusing, to your face. What they think in private is another matter. Habitual swearing is another sign of a depressed, angry person. It's unattractive. The more you do it, the more it corrodes your subconscious.
7. Breast Augmentation.
Also known as a 'boob job'. These look fine, from a distance. Compared to a natural pair, they look odd. They are to real breasts what a transexual is to a 'red hot mama'; no competition. Up close, they're just not as good as the real thing. A perfectly functional piece of equipment has been turned into a cartoon joke, with possible long-term medical consequences.
Some men like small breasts. Beauty is a matter of proportion. Some women are neurotic about their appearance; nothing will please them.
A good example is ...
8. Disappearing Eyebrows.
They get plucked away to nothingness, then get drawn or tattooed back in. And this is better? One can end up looking freakish, even clown-like. Loss of hair suggests illness. Plucking out one's hair is often a sign of mental illness. Girls, desist! Don't try to gild the lily!
IMPORTANT NOTE: There are people who'll encourage you in the above. They'll say you look lovely. Misery loves company, and some people delight in the fall of others.
Be your own woman. Stand back from yourself, your life and your surroundings, and decide your own destiny.
About the Author
T. O' Donnell (http://www.tigertom.com) is an ecommerce consultant and curmudgeon living in London, UK. His latest project is an ebook on conservatories, available at http://www.ttconservatories.co.uk. T. O' Donnell freeware may be downloaded at http://www.ttfreeware.co.uk.
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