Navigating through the choppy waters of a first date can be anxiety provoking. Here are a few tips to help make your experience a smoother sail. I hope you enjoy!
Navigating through the choppy waters of a first date can be anxiety provoking. Here are a few tips to help make your experience a smoother sail. I hope you enjoy!

1. Be on time.

Whether you are meeting at a local restaurant or he is picking you up at your place, be sure to be on time. This shows that you are dependable and considerate of your date’s valuable time.

2. Be yourself.

Yes, there is a tendency to put yourself in the best light. After all, who enjoys being rejected? Just make sure that you are yourself. Don't create stories to make you appear like a corporate titan or Martha Steward, if you are not. You will eventually be found out. So being honest and genuine is the best policy in the long run.

3. Let go of expectations.

You’ve decided to go out on this date. You secretly hope you’ve found “THE ONE”. Having strongly held expectations could set you up for disappointments. You could be missing the red flags because you are vested in your date being “THE ONE”. Just show up and let things evolve naturally. You may find a good friend, a tennis partner, or a good business contact.

4. Be prepared with some conversations starters.

You may be on a blind date or know very little about this person. You dread the awkward moments of dead silence. Come prepared with some good old standby conversation starters (link later to an article on conversation starters). You’ll be glad you did.

5. Allow your date conversation time.

There is a tendency if nervous, to fill quiet moments with frenzied conversation about you. Remember to allow L---O---N---G enough pauses in your conversation; your date may not be able to jump in on conversations as quick as normal due to the first date jitters. Part of the reason you are going out with this person is to find out about them. So do not monopolize the conversation!

6. Pace yourself on self-disclosure.

There is a time and a season for everything. The first date is not the time to share about your criminal record when you were 18 and under the influence, or your recent diagnosis of an itch in a private place. You and your date are out for a good time. Avoid serious topics until you know this person fairly well.

7. Enjoy the experience.

Say you realize 10 minutes into the date; this is not “THE ONE”. How do you manage to finish the date? Enjoy the meal, the scenery, and the clarity that you are gaining on what you do not want. This can be a valuable learning experience that will allow you to develop some screening questions for future reference or become aware of those little red flags that you chose to ignore.

8. Be observant.

Be observant, you will gather very important information, if you pay attention. Does your date complain a lot about bosses, the service, and their ex? Beware you will be next. Does your date become easily agitated by the minor everyday annoyances such long red lights, waiting in line, and a change in plans? Watch out, you may be his or her next source of irritation. Does your date exhibit foul language? Are you really sure you want a steady diet of that F_ _ _’n, or G _ _ D _ _ _ this and that?

9. Pace yourself on romantic involvement.

You are delighted! There is that magical physical chemistry you hope and pray for. Take a deep breath and pace yourself. Happy relationships require a connection on many different levels (i.e. intellect, humor, recreational activities, values, spirituality, etc). Make sure you connect on more than just one level, before you let your hormones run the show. Haven’t you had your heart run through the gut-wrenching emotional mill enough times? Just take slow.

10. Gracefully handling the “Goodnights”.

The end of a first date has lots of anxious moments. “Is he going to kiss me?” Be patient without expectations. If there is mutual chemistry on many levels, you’ll eventually kiss. Don’t force things. “Do I really want to go out with her again?” Be prepared to gently let your date down if you are not interested. Just be honest and exhibit a lot of tact. We’ve all had our heart stomped on way too many times. So remember, what goes around; comes around.

About the Author

Life and Relationship Coach, Author, Speaker, Teleclass Leader, & Syndicated Columnist.

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