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All I Want for Christmas is My Son Back
The holidays are upon us … and how they churn up our emotions. The expectations … the memories … the empty chairs … Somewhere there’s the Norman Rockwell family celebrating , but it was never at my house. Was it at yours? A client and I have in...
"It's a Great Day to Die!"
Wow, what a crazy thing to say during the most sacred and holy time of the year! Yes, it is-especially since this famous cry of freedom was uttered by Crazy Horse, the Sioux chief who defeated Custer at the Battle of Little Bighorn.
Why talk...
More than Mom and Dad
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It makes a family. So why does it seem the moment you have a baby, love, or at least your love life as you know it, goes right up in a cloud of baby powder? Let’s face it, you’re tired, you’re...
Seven Steps To Building A Resilient Relationship
We live in an age when divorce rates have never been higher. Currently in the U.S., one in every three marriages ends within the first ten years. In California, one in every two marriages ends in divorce. How can you avoid being one of these...
Unintended Consequences
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 26, 2003
My sister is celebrating her tenth anniversary this summer, and I'm concerned she is letting her relationship go. Her husband refuses to acknowledge any problems and doesn't believe in...
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5 Tips for Successful Grandparenting
Building on the cherished connection between grandparents and grandchildren is a life-long privilege. As grandchildren grow and mature the role grandparents play in the lives of their grandchildren changes but the principals remain true at any age.
1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.
All children need and must learn to respect boundaries. Being clear about expectations before an activity begins frees you and the child to enjoy the event and ensures the safety of everyone involved. If you observe the boundaries are being violated, don’t be afraid to remind your grandchildren again. Restate the rules as many times as necessary. Writing the rules and posting them or bringing them along is a good idea. If a rule is violated during the activity, ask the child to repeat or read the rules again.
2.Gift giving is not a requirement of grandparenting.
Establish a practice with your first grandchild and stick with it; what you do for one doesn’t necessarily have to be done for all. Financial and family situations change as our children grow. If a family experiences loss of a job or divorce, don’t be afraid to make temporary changes. Gifts are gifts especially when they are unexpected. Surprise gifts are the best. Gifts don’t have to cost a lot. Research supports the fact that “time together” is the best gift we can give. Travel provides time for the grandparent and grandchildren to discover and appreciate each other’s gifts.
3. All rules must be consistent with parents’ wishes.
Anything you do with and for your grandchild needs to be discussed first with the parents. After all, parents make the rules and effective grandparents support
them.
Don’t keep secrets from the parents and don’t ask the grandchildren to keep secrets from their parents. Many grandparents believe that some information should not be shared with the parents, but this only undermines the relationships.
4. There is no substitute for planning.
Proper planning ensures that the activity will be discussed with the parents. No matter what the age or sex of your grandchild, planning makes any activity more successful. This is not to say you can’t be spontaneous, but it’s often better and safer to have a plan.
Discuss with the child what he or she would like to do. Give careful thought to the age appropriateness of the activities before you begin. Giving children choices increases their self-confidence and is great training for the future.
5. Grandchildren and grandparents want to have fun!
There is no substitute for good old-fashioned belly laughs. It's good for you, your grandchild and your relationship. During the activity itself, share with your grandchildren how excited you are about being with them.
Children enjoy getting away from their parents for short periods of time and grandparents enjoy being part of a very important relationship. Parents enjoy their break too.
About the Author
Don Schmitz is a popular speaker and writer on parenting and grandparenting. He is the author of The New Face of Grandparenting …Why Parents Need Their Own Parents and founder of Grandkidsandme, which includes: Grandparent Camps and Grandkid Days. Don holds graduate degrees in Education, Administration, Human Development and father to three sons and seven grandchildren. Contact Don@grandkidsandme.com.
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