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Discovering Infidelity - One Woman’s Story


The day I discovered my husband was cheating on me is forever etched in my mind. I will never forget my bewilderment, shock, confusion and my uncertainty about what to do next. I was totally devastated.

How I Found Out

As a freelance journalist and editor, I work from my home office. I accidentally stumbled onto Frank’s infidelity while doing interviews for an article assignment for a women’s magazine. To insure the accuracy of my notes, I always tape my interviews using a recording device attached to my office phone. While transcribing the interview tapes, I was shocked to find that I’d unknowingly recorded a number of incriminating phone calls made by Frank from our bedroom extension. Interspersed between the interviews, were revealing conversations he’d had with or about the women with whom he was involved.

A Perfect Marriage

That Frank might be cheating on me was the farthest thing from my mind, even though his behavior had been a little unusual the past few months. When infidelity did cross my mind, it was just a fleeting thought -- one I dismissed as quickly as it occurred. It was so far-fetched that I didn’t even give it serious consideration. Frank and I had an exceptionally good marriage (or so I thought). People who knew us -- even strangers, (male and female) often commented on what a “perfect couple” we were. I wrote relationship articles which appeared regularly in women’s magazines and earned me frequent guest spots on Good Day New York and several nationally syndicated radio talk shows. Our marriage (my second and Frank’s third) was the envy of all our friends. Still, I was at a loss to explain some of the odd little things Frank had recently said and done. Nothing major -- just small insignificant things that were out of character for him and didn’t seem to make any sense. I chalked it up to male menopause (Frank was nearing 50) or stress from the heavy overtime he’d been working. Little did I know that these seemingly inconsequential things would turnout to be telltale signs.

Right Under My Very Nose

From the conversations on the tapes, I discovered that Frank had not one, but three lovers. I was dumb-founded to hear him boasting to a friend about his weekend morning “quickies” with Alexis, his early departures from work for afternoon trysts with Michelle, Marlene’s weekend stay at our apartment while I was away on a business trip and more. Even more astounding, was that all these things had taken place right under my very nose. In light of my discovery, I now saw Frank’s behavior through different eyes. And I became keenly aware of how many telltale signs I’d missed. Many of the odd things Frank said and did suddenly began to make sense.

Wendy’s Story- Another Infidelity Victim

On one tape, Frank mentioned a birthday he’d recently attended which was given by his best friend Max. No other details were supplied except that the party was for Max’s girlfriend. Since Max’s wife, Wendy was a friend of mine, I told her what I heard. Working one single piece of information, Wendy conducted what I consider to be a masterpiece of detective work. In less than 2 weeks, she managed to find out the name of Max’s girlfriend, her phone number and address, where she worked, the address and phone number of her job, and was able to pinpoint approximately how long the affair had been going on. Wendy also found out exactly where and when the birthday party had taken place, how much it cost, the names of several guests who attended, and verified that that Max was indeed the person who arranged and paid for the event. She even confiscated a gift for Max’s lover that he’d hidden in the trunk of his car. Since Wendy and Max co-owned a business, she immediately took steps to protect herself financially by transferring the bulk of their joint funds to a separate account -- much to the surprise (and embarrassment) of Max when he attempted to withdraw funds without her knowledge. Their marriage survived -- largely because instead of sitting back and being a passive victim, Wendy immediately searched for confirming telltale signs. She found them early enough to take positive action and get her marriage back on track.

If Only I’d Recognized the Signs

Discovering that Frank was cheating was truly devastating. Being a naturally trusting person, I was oblivious to most of the telltale signs, despite the fact that they were staring me in the face. I later learned that many telltale signs begin to crop up when a man first starts think seriously about infidelity. For months I agonized over how things might have turned out differently if I’d recognized the signs when they first began to appear. It’s possible that I might have been able to save our marriage if I’d known the significance of those signs. If not, I could have at least saved myself a lot of heartaches and pain by preparing myself mentally and emotionally, and protecting myself legally and financially from a marriage that ultimately ended in divorce. Yet, my marriage was not unique in this respect. It was one of the millions of marriages impacted by extramarital affairs.

9 Years of Research and a Promise

At the time there were less than 5 books available on the subject of infidelity. Desperate for information, I endured the embarrassment of purchasing them at my local bookstore. As I struggled to make sense of what was happening, I began earnestly researching the topic of infidelity so I could find out how to handle the situation. My research led to my writing a series of infidelity articles based on information gleaned from leading marriage and family therapists. Although I gained a wealth of knowledge about and coping with infidelity and recognizing the telltale signs, for me, this knowledge came too late. Frank and I eventually got a divorce. But I promised myself that when I recovered from the trauma of that experience, I would share this information with other women in similar situations.

The Infidelity Statistics are Shocking

It was shocking read the statistics citing how widespread infidelity is. Though they vary from study to study, the most widely accepted figures indicate that between 50 and 70 percent of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives. One study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair -- largely because they failed to recognize the telltale signs. Yet the media continues to treat infidelity as a form of entertainment. Movies, novels, soap operas, talk shows, gossip columns and women’s magazines continue to dramatize, trivialize and glamorize extramarital affairs. Few people other than its victims take it seriously.

An Infidelity Book is Born – Gathering More Facts

Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs is the first of a series of information products for women who are victims of infidelity. It’s based on not just my personal experience, but on 9 years of in-depth research on the topic of infidelity. I’ve read thousands of accounts of infidelity, interviewed hundreds of women about their personal experiences and the experiences of women they know, and dozens of cheating men. I’ve read hundreds of articles, studies and transcripts on infidelity and spent countless hours surfing the Net checking out websites, chat rooms, forums, message boards and discussion lists that deal with infidelity and related issues. Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs is the result of all those efforts. It’s the book I wish I’d had when those first telltale signs began to crop up in my marriage. If I’d recognized those signs early on, things might have had a different ending.

A Multitude of Telltale Signs

Is He Cheating on You? is probably the largest


collection of telltaIe signs ever compiled. It documents hundreds of signs of infidelity, including a multitude of little-known telltale signs not listed anywhere else. Despite the subtitle, it actually contains 950 telltale signs. Even after the cover was designed, I continued to add telltale signs until the final version of the manuscript was sent to the printer. And readers continue to e-mail or phone me with telltale signs that were not included in the book. What’s different about Is He Cheating on You? is that it tells women how to spot the warning signs of infidelity without using gadgets, surveillance equipment or private investigators. All of the telltale signs documented in Is He Cheating on You? can easily be found by any woman using only her eyes and ears, her personal knowledge of her husband and the information provided in the book. No special skills or equipment are needed. The signs are conveniently grouped into 21 categories so a woman can easily find the signs that apply to her husband or her marriage. A few of the signs are listed in more than one category so that no one will miss an important telltale sign.

Sharing Information with Other Women

This book, and my website www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com are my way of sharing all the information I gathered about infidelity, with other women in this traumatic situation. It’s unfortunate that any woman would ever need a book like this, but the facts speak for themselves. Millions of acts of infidelity go undetected every day. Unsuspecting women need an easy-to-use, reliable, inexpensive tool to help them find out the truth about what’s going on.

Empowered by Knowledge

Knowledge is power; and I firmly believe every woman should know how to recognize the telltale signs of infidelity. The future of her marriage may well depend on her ability to recognize the telltale signs in time. There’s nothing worse than not knowing-- or being the last to know. But the first step in solving a problem is knowing that the problem exists. If a woman doesn’t know her husband is cheating, there’s little that she can do. If she’s oblivious to the fact that her marriage may be in jeopardy, by the time she finds out what’s happening, it may be too late. She will have had no chance to try to get her marriage back on track, or to prepare herself emotionally or protect herself from the devastation that lies ahead. Rather than being proactive and making conscious decisions about what to do, she’ll become a helpless infidelity victim, swept along with the tide.

A Fighting Chance to Save the Marriage

On the other hand, if a woman recognizes the telltale signs and understands what’s happening, she stands a fighting chance of being able to nip the infidelity in the bud on her own, or seek professional help. More importantly, she can take steps to prepare herself mentally, financially and legally for the possibility that her marriage may come to an end. At least she won’t be taken by surprise, and end up being the “last one to know”.

Who This Book Is For

Is He Cheating on You? is not just for wives who suspect their husbands of cheating. It’s also for:


  • the millions of unsuspecting wives who’ve never even considered that an affair might be going on.

  • women who’ve been cheated on in the past want to make sure it doesn’t happen again,

  • women who are trying to reconcile with a cheating husband and want reassurance that the affair is no longer going on

  • women who think it could NEVER happen to them (no one is immune)

  • women who know their husbands are cheating and want to get solid proof

  • women who want to know ahead of time what to look for, in case it ever happens to them

  • women who in view of the high infidelity statistics want to know where they stand in their current relationship

  • single women who want to avoid entering into or staying in a relationship with a cheater

  • Men who suspect their wives of cheating (many of the signs are universal and apply to both sexes),

  • people with female friends or relatives who are being cheated on and who are in denial

  • people who don’t know how to tell a woman her husband is cheating – give her the book and let her find out for herself


No Marriage is Immune to Infidelity

One of the most surprising things I learned about infidelity is that no marriage is immune. Infidelity knows no boundaries. “Good husbands” can cheat. Infidelity can occur even in happy marriages. It can affect couples of any race, creed, color or economic background. Rich or poor, young or old, newlywed or approaching a fiftieth anniversary – infidelity can happen to anyone – even you. The likelihood is very high that, given the current statistics on infidelity, every woman will experience being a victim of infidelity at some point in her life. So I feel strongly that Is He Cheating on You? is a reference book that belongs on every woman’s bookshelf. This is important information that no woman should be without. The future of her marriage may one day depend on her ability to recognize the telltale signs in time. Armed with this book and her personal knowledge of her husband, she’ll be able to easily spot the warning signs.

The Purpose of This Book

The purpose of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs is not to make women suspicious of their husbands. The purpose is to make women aware of what’s already going on. Statistics prove that infidelity is happening all around us. Just pick up a newspaper or listen to the nightly news. Infidelity touches 80% of all marriages. It is my sincere hope that this book will open the eyes of the millions of women who are unaware that their husbands are having an affair. It was written to make women aware of the many telltale signs that indicate possible infidelity. Every woman deserves to know the truth. It’s my firm belief that if more women knew how to recognize the signs of infidelity, more marriage could be saved. With Is He Cheating on You? every wife now has an affordably priced tool to keep her from being the last to know.

A Final Word

To any woman who suspects her husband of cheating, I implore you - for your peace of mind, for your physical health (think HIV/AIDS and other STDs), for your mental and emotional well-being, and for the future financial well-being of yourself and your children too -- find out if what you suspect is true. Don’t speculate – investigate! Take it from someone who has lived through infidelity – find out before it’s too late. Believe me, in this day and age, you can’t afford to be the last one to know.

*Frank, Marlene, Michelle, Alexis, Max and Wendy are not their real names. For legal reasons, the names have been changed to protect the guilty as well as the innocent.

NOTE: Despite my traumatic experience with Frank, the story does have a happy ending. I’ve been happily re-married for 4 years now, to a wonderful man who also values the sanctity of marriage as highly as I do. (Ironically, he too, was cheated on, with disastrous and traumatic results.)

© 2004 Ruth Houston All rights reserved.

Ruth Houston is the author of “Is He Cheating on You?-829 Telltale Signs.” For more information about the book, cheating husbands or signs of infidelity visit http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com To receive a FREE Infidelity Report which includes 29 Telltale Signs, send an e-mail to CheatingSigns@aol.com with “Infidelity Report” in the subject line.


RuthHouston@att.net


 

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Content Menu
  • 101 tax savings ideas 7th edition

  • 10 impressions on online dating

  • 10 steps to happily ever after

  • 10 things you didnt know about signs of infidelity

  • 10 things you probably didnt know about signs of infidelity

  • 35 and single

  • 3 major divorce parenting mistakes and learn how to avoid them

  • 5 massive reasons to date online

  • 5 reasons why paid employment is unhealthy

  • 5 steps to stress guard your family

  • 5 tips for successful grandparenting

  • 5 ways to ensure you will have a happy life after divorce

  • 7 secrets of a happy marriage

  • 7 secrets to having a financially healthy family

  • 7 ways to rediscover your true passion after divorce

  • 9 myths about being single

  • addicted to her

  • all about time

  • all i want for christmas is my son back

  • alone for the holidays

  • american women really dont like you

  • antique diamond rings bringing the past back to life

  • an empty nest is for the birds

  • an engagement ring wont bring you soup when youre sick

  • an excerpt from midlife dating manual for women

  • an introduction to relationships

  • an islamic perspective on divorce

  • are cell phones to blame for marital misconduct

  • are women from utopia and men from wal mart

  • are women really superior to men

  • are your dreams a day late and a dollar short

  • are you addicted to your activities

  • are you a motherless daughter

  • are you ever worried that your husband is having an affair

  • are you fit to love

  • are you placing your children in danger

  • are you ready or not for a relationship

  • are you ready to get married

  • are you relationship ready

  • are you trying too hard to be happy

  • attitude

  • attract a good and sexy man at any age

  • a birds eye view of the enchanted self and what it means to you part 2

  • a birth announcement that is both practical and sentimental

  • a brick wall

  • a christmas wish

  • a heavenly vision

  • a kernel of truth about relationships 5 steps to improvement

  • a lesson of life from a friend

  • a look at men women and marriage can it work

  • a mechanical metaphor

  • a new strategy

  • a refreshing approach to a family new year

  • a single mom success story

  • a time of grief and healing after separation and divorce

  • a wedding for what

  • a wedding in the bahamas

  • a womans challenge

  • bad company

  • balls

  • beating the odds

  • becoming free of debt

  • becoming one

  • becoming one financially

  • been there done that

  • being authentically you

  • beyond the pain and stigma to healing

  • be thankful for a faithful husband

  • be thankful you have a faithful husband

  • be the samurai sword

  • birthparent loss and grief

  • blessings in a mothers tears

  • blessings in a mother s tears

  • breaking bonds

  • brin in the coach im ready to play

  • building your house of faith

  • building your temple be strong and do it

  • business partners and marital partners will the marriage survive part i

  • business partners marital partners will the marriage survive part i

  • career and jobs how to live with a workaholic

  • catch 22

  • cemetery property one mans treasure is another mans ultimate white elephant

  • chasing after child support

  • childrens discipline how to resolve divorce parenting differences

  • children and divorce

  • children and divorce things to consider when youre staying married only for your children

  • children and remarriage

  • children s discipline how to resolve divorce parenting differences

  • child support 5 key things every parent should know

  • child support how does it work

  • child support its all a matter of record

  • choosing your divorce method

  • close kept secrets to weight loss lesson 5

  • comfort comes from unexpected places

  • coming out as an internet dater

  • committed parenting

  • common relationship problems

  • compatibility

  • confusion of american men when it comes to women a brief overview

  • contested and uncontested divorce

  • controlling behavior loving behavior

  • coping with divorce anger

  • couple relationship

  • creating a prenuptial agreement

  • cyberbegging new wave 2003

  • daddy moves to an apartment

  • dads are heroes

  • dating advice for women stop working so hard

  • dating after divorce things to think about regarding dating after divorce

  • dating after fifty

  • dating for the single parent

  • dating tips for divorced and widowed moms

  • dating tip dont work too hard

  • dating tip for women dont work too hard

  • dating tip getting a commitment

  • dating tip getting the commitment

  • dealing with adversity

  • dealing with divorce developing the courage to communicate differently

  • deciding on divorce

  • deciding on divorce how to know you are making the right choice

  • defending your relationship

  • develop a strong and interesting lifestyle

  • dinner scooped off the floor

  • discovering infidelity one womans story

  • divining with ordinary playing cards

  • divorced and penniless why it can happen to you

  • divorced parent do you alienate your child from the other parent

  • divorce actually makes us stronger

  • divorce advice getting divorce advice from the right source

  • divorce and children things to consider when youre staying married only for your children

  • divorce and children things to consider when you re staying married only for your children

  • divorce and effects on children

  • divorce and separation a childs perspective

  • divorce articles how to get the most from a divorce article

  • divorce decision things to consider when making a decision about divorce

  • divorce reasons what constitutes a viable reason for thinking about or wanting a divorce

  • divorce secrets to coping with a divorce announcement

  • divorce when forever is just too long

  • does a woman have a place

  • does living in a loveless marriage necessarily mean that you should get a divorce

  • does marriage counseling work

  • does your sexless marriage have you thinking about divorce

  • domestic violence against women and children

  • dont get in over your head

  • dont let someone else define who you are

  • down low and debatable

  • do it yourself divorce

  • do it yourself divorces

  • do it yourself divorce forms

  • do it yourself divorce in california

  • do it yourself divorce kits

  • do you know who i am

  • do you really want a relationship

  • do you want to know how monogamy came to be

  • dressing the mother of the bride

  • dyi divorce

  • dyi divorce papers

  • easily find an address by phone number

  • emancipation

  • embracing the late wife

  • empty nest syndrome

  • essence of infidelity

  • essential ingredient

  • exceptions to the rule

  • extramarital affair should you get a divorce just because one of you had an extramarital affair

  • extreme breakup recovery maximum healing minimum time

  • e book on russian women part 10

  • e book on russian women part 6

  • false start

  • family law

  • family meetings kids discuss the d word

  • family mental illness coping

  • family ties when to let go

  • faqs about internet dating

  • fears of womens mind and its way outs

  • fear of commitment in relationships

  • feng shui atrracts money

  • feng shui for singles how to attract a new love to your life

  • fighting back

  • finances and marriage

  • finding someone special

  • finding the honey in honeymoon lingerie

  • find people lost in space and time

  • five christmas survival tips for the divorced single parent

  • five effective ways of saving marriage

  • five tips for successful grandparenting

  • focus on who and what you want

  • following through

  • forgotten again part 1

  • forgotten again part 2

  • forgotten again the saga continues

  • forty something

  • for every ten new year resolutions nine will fail heres the missing secret about motivation

  • free divorce do it yourself forms

  • full disclosure

  • game set match

  • gay marriage rights

  • getting raw land not a raw deal

  • get a prenuptial agreement before your next marriage

  • give and take recipe for success in marriage

  • go between

  • grants for single mothers

  • harsh reality

  • have a simple small green wedding

  • have you missed your soulmate

  • healing the abandonment wounds

  • healing the mid life love crisis

  • healthy sex prevents illness

  • helping children cope with death

  • helping children cope with grief

  • helping children to cope with divorce

  • helping your family survive a home makeover

  • helping your kids handle divorce

  • help im single for the first time in years

  • help your marriage survive the rough spots

  • her last day in court

  • he called her mister the novel

  • he said she said communicating with the opposite sex

  • hidden divorce costs

  • holy mantrimony

  • homeownership could it be in your future

  • home for the holidays is it time for that talk

  • home improvement for ladies

  • housewife is that all you are

  • how a 21st century dad can make a positive impact on his children

  • how can a father win custody of his children

  • how do i know if i am being a good parent

  • how i learned to love my buddha belly

  • how not to have a friendly divorce

  • how the challenge of single parenting affects your decision to divorce

  • how to be holy

  • how to buy a house with no credit

  • how to buy christmas presents and not break the bank

  • how to create a good self image

  • how to decide whether to keep your marriage or other relationship going or to end it

  • how to get back the man you married

  • how to grieve a tragedy

  • how to have a friendly divorce

  • how to have a stress free holiday

  • how to have a successful marriage

  • how to help kids deal with stress

  • how to identify what the question should i get a divorce means to you

  • how to make a relationship work

  • how to manage and conquer depression

  • how to meet 250 million mates

  • how to prepare for marriage

  • how to prevent a custody battle after divorce

  • how to reorganize your divorce life for happiness

  • how to save your marriage

  • how to sell your home by lease options

  • how to sell your house by lease options

  • how to stop divorce make everything about both of you

  • how to stop divorce parental conflict from bursting

  • how to survive break ups

  • how to win against impotence

  • how wives with cheating husbands can gain the upper hand

  • human conditioning stress management and music

  • identity theft the perfect victim your child

  • if you really need a dating quiz maybe you shouldnt be dating

  • improving your self esteem

  • index

  • infidelity again

  • infidelity investigation warning signs of wife infidelity and how to catch that cheating wife

  • infidelity who cares

  • interview with author of gods blueprint for a healed restored marriage

  • in love dont throw the baby out with the bathwater

  • is conflict healthy in marriage

  • is it self esteem or self confidence or what lies in between

  • is she cheating many unsuspecting husbands find out too late

  • is there life after love how to get the spark back in our love lives and avoid splitsville

  • is this the one

  • is your baggage holding you back

  • is your internate date lying to you

  • is your lifes purpose for sale

  • is your marriage problem severe enough to warrant getting a divorce

  • its a great day to die

  • it pays for single christians to date other like minded people

  • i am woman hear me roar the female homebuyer and seller part 1

  • i am woman hear me roar the female homebuyer and seller part 2

  • jackie kennedy was the perfect introvert

  • jewish dating it pays to date like minded people

  • juggling your way into balance

  • keeping a marriage happy

  • keeping faith

  • learning to trust again

  • leaving the child behind recovery from child abuse

  • lessons about marriage learnt from riding a bike

  • lessons from the ultimate declutter

  • let your children help you prepare for the big move

  • life in the comic zone

  • life lessons an inspirational story

  • living in the clouds

  • living through loss

  • ll elderly family members and friends need to be safe

  • lobster the food of romantics

  • long lasting love relationships

  • loveless marriage does living in a loveless marriage necessarily mean that you should get a divorce

  • love and marriage fairy tale

  • love discrimination

  • love makes the world go round

  • making love last

  • mama dies

  • marriages may end but families are forever

  • marriage and sexual relation

  • marriage children and divorce when le music stops

  • marriage divorce and kids

  • marriage divorce separation how to handle the split loyalties after separation

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