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ALL ABOUT TIME
June 21st is the longest day of the year. The amount of daylight begins to diminish after this date. We may not even notice the seconds that are added to the darkness hours, but in time, an hour will be deleted from the day and so forth.
Time...
Does A Woman Have A Place?
Does a Woman Have "A Place?"
On an episode of the TV Show "Divorce Court," I watched as a very arrogant man proceeded to explain to the judge why he felt women had "a place." He explained that women shouldn't work, they shouldn't run for any public...
How To Buy Christmas Presents And Not Break The Bank
I have kids that are 16, 13,10 and 6 years old. We all know that when kids get to this age that they want gifts that are expensive. All their friends have new mp3 players, high tech video games, cell phones, etc. As working parents we know how...
New Survey on Infidelity: It's Worse Than You Think
Nothing in life is more devastating than the infidelity of a mate. When your partner breaks their vows and you discover they have lied to you, and before the altar of whatever god you worship, the earth moves beneath your feet. It can destroy your...
Uniforms
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31, 2004
I am concerned about my daughter, "Julie." She is 16 and a junior in high school. She gets fair grades, doesn't get into a lot of trouble, and doesn't smoke or do drugs as far as I know. ...
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Don’t Let Someone Else Define Who You Are!
Most people don’t like being stuck with a particular LABEL. Labels have become a large part of who people think we are and that’s a disturbing trend. Find out how to buck the system!
Most people don’t like being stuck with a particular LABEL. Labels have become a large part of who people think we are and that’s a disturbing trend. It seems that when we meet new people, we have to immediately identify what groups or philosophies we associate ourselves with. Liberal? Conservative? Independent? Single? Married? Divorced? Mom? Step Mom? Dad? Step Dad? Brother? Sister? Step Brother? Step Sister? Dating? Not Dating? Straight? Gay? Lesbian? Bi-Sexual? White? African American? Hispanic? Native American? Oriental? Indian? Christian? Jewish? Muslim? In a society that moves fast, these labels tend to define who we are to others in the quickest fashion possible.
Once we receive a Label, people expect us to act like whatever the particular label implies. If you’re a Conservative, you listen to Rush Limbaugh, go along with whatever George Bush does and take the bread out of the mouths of babies and give it to corporation executives. If you’re Liberal, you agree with whatever Democratic Leaders say, you’re for big government and hate tax cuts. You want to empty the paychecks of all Americans into the mouths of the poor and your ethics are defined by the situation they revolve around. Don’t like those definitions? Neither do I! But that’s the result of living in a Label-oriented society. So how do we get out of this chicken outfit?
In the early days of computing when programs required a lot more time and effort to write, you were likely to see little signs posted around the machines which stated, “GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT!” You’re unlikely to see those signs today. Most Programmers and IT folk hate that phrase and view it as an archaic sign of past times. But that doesn’t make it any less true. Carelessly written code is worthless in today’s computer-driven world. Not only can it cause problems for whatever function the program is designed to complete, but it can easily disrupt an entire process that’s designed to work along with it.
One way out of the system that Labels you is to stop allowing others to define who you are! The road to self-definition begins with a determination to move away from intake of the same information that everyone else consumes. Garbage in, garbage out. I know a lot number of people who purchase tons of self-help books and watch daytime TV talk shows, believing every word some host or expert says as gospel. The problem is that most of the people who write those books, host those shows or appear as guests have more problematic issues in their own lives, then the people watching them! It seems ludicrous to take marriage advice from someone whose been divorced many times or look for child rearing tips from people with no kids or out of control children? People seeking advice are actually looking for someone to define them, make decisions for them and run their lives.
The alternative to being defined is to define. The help you seek might just be staring you right in the face. When is the last time you made a decision, completely on your own? You know YOU better then anyone else. You understand your likes, dislikes and know what makes you tick. Where is it written that you have to run with a certain crowd or do certain things? People often say to me, “I keep making the same mistakes over and over again!” Why? Most of the time it’s because they
lack the confidence required for change that comes from being a self-made individual, as opposed to yet another cog in the societal wheel. Is that you? Well, the good news is that every day that the sun comes up is an opportunity to start over. To allow someone to define you is to subscribe to a false belief that may not fit who you really are.
Another false belief is that changing your environment will improve your life. Divorce has become the new alka seltzer for relationship problems. You get a stomach ache, you take alka seltzer. You have problems in your marriage, you get a divorce. In some Southern States divorce has become so commonplace that the court structure meant to deal with alimony, child/spouse support and the granting of divorce decrees is near collapse. Tennessee now has mandatory counseling for couples considering divorce, hoping that some marriages can be saved. Lawmakers hope this will lessen the burden on the people and children involved, the services needed to police support payments, the court system in general and what it costs the state to deal with it all. A recent report supported that idea by showing that most people who get divorced end up more unhappy then people who stay in troubled marriages. The lesson? Before you call 1-800-d-i-v-o-r-c-e, try counseling. You may be able to change things for the better in your life and the lives of your family right where you are.
No matter what your situation is, being a stand-up individual that doesn’t allow their friends, family, co-workers, peer group or some TV talk show host to define and dictate who you are is likely to improve your life. That’s because it’s always better to be YOU, then someone you are not. And when others tell you what you can’t do or accomplish, remember that your ability to make things happen has nothing to do with anyone else’s opinion of what you’re capable or incapable of doing.
Thomas Edison was kicked out of school in the sixth grade because his teachers thought he was a simpleton, unable to concentrate on his work. Albert Einstein was a patent clerk in Switzerland who spent his spare time fooling around with theories. Babe Ruth was sent to a work house because he parents couldn‘t afford to keep him. Considered incorrigible, he spent more time on the streets then anywhere else, but turned an interest in baseball into a fabulous career. Always overweight, even that didn’t stop him from being one of the greatest baseball players and most famous people of his time. More people once knew who Babe Ruth was, then who the vice president of the United States or the Mayor of New York was! President Franklin D. Roosevelt dug our nation out of a terrible depression and helped to win a war fought on more fronts then any other time in history and he did it all from a wheelchair.
Each one of these famous people stepped out of their circumstances and stepped up to being individuals that would allow nothing to stand in the way of their accomplishments. So what are YOU waiting for?
About the Author
A native New Yorker now living in Arizona, Bill Knell is a forty-something guy with a wealth of knowledge and experience. He's written hundreds of articles on a wide variety of subjects. A popular Speaker, Bill Knell presents seminars on a number of topics that entertain, train and teach. A popular radio and television show Guest, you've heard Bill on thousands of top-rated shows in all formats and seen him on local, national and international television programs.
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divorce.co.uk - advice on mediation, counselling and legal aspects ... |
An overview of divorce in the UK, including the law, mediation options and emotional support, from Mills & Reeve. |
www.divorce.co.uk |
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Divorce Magazine, information about separation and divorce |
Divorce Magazine is a compassionate self-help resource for people in need of information about separation and divorce. |
www.divorcemag.com |
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Divorce - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the ... A decree of divorce is initially granted 'nisi', i.e. (unless cause is later ... |
en.wikipedia.org |
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DivorceNet - Divorce Net: Family Law Information, Solutions, News ... |
DivorceNet® is the Internet's largest divorce resource, offering state-specific articles, an online community and a nationwide directory of divorce lawyers, ... |
www.divorcenet.com |
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The Divorce Support Page: Divorce, Child Custody, Alimony, Support ... |
a support site for people experiencing, divorce, dissolution, separation, custody, alimony, visitation, etc. Divorce professionals to help you in your area. |
www.divorcesupport.com |
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Divorce Source: a legal resource for divorce, custody, alimony ... |
A state specific divorce web site providing information and referrals for people facing and experiencing issues revolving around divorce, separation, ... |
www.divorcesource.com |
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DivorceInfo Surviving Divorce Managing Lawyers Alimony Child Support |
Divorceinfo -Survive your divorce with some money in your pocket and your dignity intact. |
www.divorceinfo.com |
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Divorce - Wex |
An overview of divorce law with links to key primary and secondary sources, from Cornell University's Legal Information Institute. |
www.law.cornell.edu |
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MedlinePlus: Divorce |
Children; Children and Divorce (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry) ... Select services and providers for Divorce in your area. ... |
www.nlm.nih.gov |
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Divorce Aid :: Online Guide to UK Divorce Law, Information and Advice |
The largest free online interactive divorce resource in the UK for divorce law, advice, emotional support, counselling, mediation, and website for ... |
www.divorceaid.co.uk |
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Divorce-Online :The UK's leading low cost divorce service |
The largest free online divorce and separation resource in the UK with information, forums, chat, experts and articles. |
www.divorce-online.co.uk |
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How to Divorce As Friends - Featured on Oprah - Bill Ferguson |
Advice, recommended books, and telephone counseling to help couples resolve difficult issues connected with divorce or even save their marriage. |
www.divorceasfriends.com |
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Welcome To Divorce Online ~ www.divorceonline.com |
An electronic journal providing information and referrals for people facing divorce. |
www.divorceonline.com |
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Federal Magistrates Court - On-line Application for Divorce |
In the short-term, please use the Application for Divorce form which can be found at ... Our E-mail address for family law enquiries (including divorce) is ... |
www.divorce.gov.au |
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DivorceCare: Divorce Recovery Support Groups |
DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce. |
www.divorcecare.com |
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Divorce Central Home Page |
Links to divorce-related resources, organized by state, with an archive of articles and interviews. |
www.divorcecentral.com |
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Divorce Helpline — tools to keep you out of court |
Providing information about divorce, and referrals to family law attorneys. |
www.divorcehelp.com |
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Divorce and relationship breakdown : Directgov - Parents |
Advice on counselling, mediation and the divorce process, including where to find a solicitor. |
www.direct.gov.uk |
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Americans for Divorce Reform, Inc. |
John Crouch speaks about divorce law reform and presents a paper by John Crouch and Richard ... To find out how to work on divorce reform in your state ... |
www.divorcereform.org |
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Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save ... |
Divorce is not the answer to marriage problems. Stop your divorce and save your marriage with advice from Michele Weiner-Davis. |
www.divorcebusting.com |
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