|e-Book on Russian Women (Part 6)
Russian Women and Harmful Habits
Let us see, what habits can be called bad? First of all, those that do irreparable harm to a woman's health, destroy her social status, lead to family conflicts and make her children suffer. In other words, social problems, such as smoking, alcoholism and drug-addiction. People throughout the world are subject to these habits, Russia is not an exception.
Smoking. It is common knowledge that nicotine does mach harm to the woman's looks and health. Still, not every woman can curb the nicotine addiction though there exist a great number of methods to fight it. Sometimes Russian women justify their smoking by saying that it seems to keep them from getting stout. At the same time, it has been proved that the female organism is injured by smoking to a greater extent than the male's one.
The most horrible feature of the Russian reality is that the number of smoking girls and women is increasing while the number of smoking men has dropped, thus indicating their genuine interest in the healthy way of life.
Why does a Russian woman smoke knowing what it will result in? Let us name the most typical reasons:
- a desire to look like her female friends;
- an orientation on the western cinema woman-hero type;
- a way to fight extra kilos;
- a way to relax;
- a desire to look cool;
- a desire to have equal right with men.
Alcohol addiction. It is much more dangerous than smoking. As a rule, it takes a woman less time to become a habitual drunkard than a man, and her treatment is more difficult. In Russia drunkards traditionally evoked resentment and women-drunkards were uncommon. Nowadays a sight of a drunkard irritates but, alas, doesn't shock anymore. A mother drunkard means grief and suffering for children, uncozy home, family quarrels and a divorce. There is a proverb that shows the people's attitude towards a woman-drunkard: "If husband abuses alcohol - half of the house is on fire, if wife abuses alcohol - the whole house is on fire."
What leads a woman to this fatal habit?
- genetic inclination;
- problems at work or in the family;
- close friends and relatives-drunkards.
Drug-addiction. This is a relatively new problem for the Russian society, that appeared and began its proliferation about ten years ago. That is why it mostly concerns teenager girls. Women of 30 and more years old have learnt about it by hearsay, as a rule, or from the experience of their children who started taking drugs. But whatever the case, we must say that drug-addiction affected only a small portion of the feminine population of Russia.
Overeating. Perhaps the Russian woman's habit to eat much nutritious food should also be classified as one of bad habits, because its consequence - obesity - doesn't add to the woman's beauty and health. Russian history knows periods of universal starvation, they may account for the conviction shared by most Russian people that tasty food means rich, sweet and abundant food.
Labor-addiction (obsession with work). No less harmful, in my opinion. Is the habit of many Russian women to deprive themselves of rest. Very often Russian women devote their weekends to labor-consuming household duties: washing, cleaning or working in the dacha. The desire very characteristic of many Russian women to shoulder all housework, thus freeing the husband and the children from it, results in overstrain, neuroses and other more grave disorders. Russian women tend to forget about themselves. You can come upon a case of a forty-year-old woman sacrificing her own interest to those of her children from objective money considerations, but mostly because of her maternal love.
Please don't think that the habits described above are typical and immanent of the Russian character. Most Russian women abstain from bad habits or overcome them successfully. I dare to assure you that the Russian woman is naturally more virtuous than vicious.
Russian Women and dating culture
You can get acquainted with a Russian woman in different ways. But from my point of view, a typical Russian woman would consider ideal (it is the most wide-spread, by the way) the following patterns of doing it: reading the advertisement - exchange of letters - a face-to-face date - parting that would give both of you time to think the matter over - wedding. I will try to give a detailed analysis of your possible relations with a Russian woman at each step.
Reading the Advertisement. The First Letter.
So, you are in possession of the address of the woman you liked and decided to write a letter to. How and what should you write? Provide full information about yourself: your height, weight, age education, the company you work in and your post; whether you have ever been married and got children, how old they are and what they do; tell about your parents and the city you live in.
In short, write plainly about everything you think worth mentioning in the first letter to a stranger. Bear it in mind that it is not customary in Russia to call a woman 'dear', 'love', 'sweet' in the first letter. A woman will feel you are insincere. You may also write about your hobbies. While writing the letter try to make it sound more emotional. You'd better avoid the style of official, formal reports. Show your sense of humor but mind that sometimes the situations laughed at by Russians and by people of other nations do not coincide. You ought to state plainly what you find not acceptable in the family life and a woman's character. This would eliminate the risk of disappointment in future. Show your genuine interest in your addressee, not only her good looks but her inner world, her personality (hobbies, attitudes, beliefs, etc.) as well. It is hardly advisable to mention in the first letter your previous failures and disappointments in private life: woman might think you are trying to have her cure you neuroses instead of looking for the woman of your life. Neither it is worth writing about your financial situation, especially trying to dazzle her with you money: a Russian woman (if she is not a money-hunter) looks for a man but not for his bank account. Be so considerate as to ask the woman what correspondence she would prefer (e-mail or ordinary post). If she chooses ordinary letters, make sure that your handwriting is legible.
Russian women will appreciate hand-written letters since a typed letter is considered official, dry, even bureaucratic. But if your handwriting is illegible you'd better enclose a typed copy personally signed. If you write in Russian the woman will be
grateful for your efforts to make the reading easier for her, even if your Russian leaves much to be desired. If you decide to write in your native language, then use simple common words and structures, refrain from slang and colloquial words, terms and polysemantic words so that there wouldn't arise any difficulties in understanding. You may accompany your first letter with a photo, the one you like most and which reflects your personality in the best way. You may send several photos if you like: of your relatives and you and others. Try not to make the photos an advertisement of your house, car, garden; remember that you are looking for a woman who would fall in love with you and not with your money.
What to Write and Ask in Subsequent Letters to a Russian Woman
Do not be afraid of expressing your genuine feelings and thoughts: the Russian woman is naturally very emotional and sensitive. Ask questions and answer hers in return. Your questions might be like following: Why are you single? What kind of a man would you like to see near you? How do you imagine your post-wedding life? What is more important for you: family or business career? Ask how she spent last week and tell her what you did all this time. Write about everything you find interesting. Seek for her advice on this or that matter or difficult situation in your life.
Share your plans for the future with her. Introduce her to your country, its customs and traditions, way of thinking, national holidays, the city you live in, what is found decent and appreciated in your circle and what is not. In your turn inquire after the same matters. They are not only an excuse to start the conversation but also a way to avoid misunderstanding, outrages and misbehavior caused by national peculiarities and manners.
It is only logical to ask how long the acquaintance by correspondence should last? In this matter, like anywhere else, you should retain the sense of proportion. On the one hand, long correspondence provides an opportunity to know each other better.
On the other hand, Russian women don't like inert men and will find long correspondence a great nuisance. Therefore you have to pick the crucial moment of transition to personal meeting intuitively.
What You'd Better Not Ask and Write in Your Letters to a Russian Woman, What Can Scare Her Off
For example, I wouldn't feel like answering such questions as: Have you had sexual experience? How many sexual partners have you had? (By the way, your unfavorable reports of your previous affairs may be taken by a Russian woman as an ominous sign).
What is the state of your health? This question will evoke surprise and apprehension: do I look that bad in the photo? The Russians consider it inappropriate to discuss one's own or another's health otherwise than a specialist. If you do worry about the state of her health, then you ought to save your anxiety for a face-to-face date when you have got to know one another fairly well your question wouldn't seem unnatural and tactless.
Why do you want to marry a foreigner? Why have you placed your advertisement in Internet? The way a Russian woman looks for a partner is her own business and is too private to be discussed, at least at the beginning of the acquaintance.
You should avoid too many questions. A surge of questions in your first letter would make a Russian woman feel as if she were interrogated. Do not ask her to send you a photo of herself in bikini, for a woman wants a man to appreciate not only her looks but her inner world as well. Do not overindulge in discussing political matters since Russian women prefer to leave politics to men. Do not devote you letter to describing weather: Russians are convinced that one talks about the weather when there is nothing else to talk about. Do not compare social and economic situations in Russia and your country because boasting seems absurd and criticism of the life in Russian can offend and insult the woman. Russians love their country and expect a respectful attitude towards their feelings.
How You Should Analyze the Letters of a Russian Woman
To make sure that the woman you have chosen is honest and genuine in her attitude towards you, ask her one and the same questions in two different letters following each other at a certain interval. Then compare the answers. The fact that she deliberately neglects answering questions vital for you is worth noting. Pay your attention to what prevails in her letters: is she engrossed in the story of her life or tries to answer your questions and asks as many about you. A woman who is really interested in you won't advertise herself but try to give detailed answers to your questions and, in return, to find out as much as possible about you and your personality. Look at the pathos of her letters. Unemotional plain letters do not reflect so much her reserved temper as her real attitude towards you: a Russian woman in love cannot conceal her emotions. Look out when a woman starts talking about marriage and her moving in with you in the very first letters. Any genuine feelings are out of question here. Most likely you've come across a woman obsessed with the idea of leaving her country and improving her welfare. You are just a step on her way towards attaining the goal.
It is essential that the set of values of the woman was close to that of yours. Give preference to women who write detailed letters. If you happen to know that the woman carries correspondence on with several men but hasn't yet made her final choice, do not be discouraged. That means that you have to deal with a serious and intelligent woman who is looking for her ideal partner. Do not break off correspondence with the woman who is clever, modest, patient, able to express her thoughts logically, a woman who has fascinated you and indicates an interest in you in return.
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