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Essence of Infidelity
Infidelity affects 8 out of 10 marriages in this country. This is a shocking statistic! What happens between the time the marriage vows are spoken and that first episode of cheating? It’s an assumption, of course, but I don’t think that 80% of the...
Life Lessons - An Inspirational Story
Ju was physically abused as a child. She lived with a mother who was diagnosed with post depression and a father who was a wife abuser. Her parent divorced and left six of them with her mother. She left school at 15 and went to work waiting...
Sex and the Soul
The title of this article is likely to provoke many feelings, thoughts, sarcasms etc., as many people falsely believe that sex, spirituality, and the soul are at opposite ends of a continuum. It is incredibly sad that something so beautiful and...
Who's Helping Our Grieving Children Cope With Katrina?
Every day through the media, images of death, loss, grief and violence as a result of Hurricane Katrina are presented to not only adult eyes, but also the vulnerable eyes and hearts of our children. Adults barely have the tools and experience to...
Wow, Grandma Is Dating!
When Lena began dating, her youngest son, Paul, joined the same dating site. Lena, divorced, was 52 and Paul 24. While Paul was searching for a future wife, his mother was looking for someone to retire with. Mother and son had something in common:...
 
"Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?"

Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people who live through an extramarital affair that will never be forgotten by either of them. The person who actually had the extramarital affair can have feelings of guilt, loneliness, confusion and misdirection along with many other feelings. The 'partner' who did not have the extramarital affair can have these feelings as well, but the lack of confidence that can come as a result of the other person having an extramarital affair can be one of the toughest parts to deal with.

The feelings that come as a result of one or both parties having an extramarital affair are natural but can also be extensions of something much deeper. Of course, if someone has an extramarital affair, both people in that marriage will have feelings that will be "surface level" only at first. Arguments can occur, denial may set in, and/or tempers can flare due to the extramarital affair. While these things are only natural and to be expected, if your going to actually survive an extramarital affair, you must look at the deeper issues and get down to the real cause of the affair and what to do about it.

People in marriages don't often look at having extramarital affairs lightly, and they realize most times what affects their actions will have on their marriage. If someone has an extramarital affair and doesn't think that it will have an affect on their marriage, surely they are either in denial or their definition of marriage leans strongly towards the "open" side. For the rest of the married crowd who don't subscribe to an "open" marriage and who have to deal with an extramarital affair, things can get a bit more complex.

Complexity can be interesting no doubt, but it can also add to the confusion of someone having an extramarital affair, especially if the couple or one party in that couple wants to look deeper at the situation and figure out two very important things:

Extramarital Affair Item 1:
Why did the extramarital affair happen?

Extramarital Affair Item 2:
Does the fact that there was an extramarital affair in the marriage really warrant getting a divorce when both people agree upon the reason that the extramarital affair happened in the


first place?

If the couple really wants to save their marriage in spite of the extramarital affair, then finding out why the extramarital affair happened and agreeing on that reason is the first step in the healing process. If you are currently trying to save your marriage and one of you had an extramarital affair, try to limit your pain that you feel and talk things out with your spouse so you can clearly define and agree upon exactly why the extramarital affair took place.

If you cannot do this, chances are you will never get over the extramarital affair and your marriage most likely won't survive...or at least you won't have a healthy marriage after the extramarital affair.

After you have defined and agreed upon the reason that the extramarital affair took place, you must decide whether that reasons (or reasons) warrant actually going through a painful divorce. At this point you have 2 choices...either decide in your own or decide with your spouse. The latter is optimal for a variety of reasons but the main reason is that you may actually save your marriage if you decide together. Deciding together whether the real reason an extramarital affair took place indicates that you're both really reaching out for something, something you most likely didn't have prior to the extramarital affair...togetherness.

So, should you get a divorce just because one of you had an extramarital affair?
No, not necessarily. Depending on how collaborative you can be with your spouse, how 'detective-like' you can act, and how much soul searching you can do, you may just become stronger together because of an extramarital affair. It may sound odd, but that's the truth.

Of course, it is entirely possible (and probable) that if you both don't define and agree on why the extramarital affair took place and work to address that reason or reasons, your marriage won't ever be healthy again and you'll never be able to healthily survive the extramarital affair.

© Karl Augustine, 2004

"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"

An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.

Deciding on Divorce

Extramarital Affair

 

divorce.co.uk - advice on mediation, counselling and legal aspects ...
An overview of divorce in the UK, including the law, mediation options and emotional support, from Mills & Reeve.
www.divorce.co.uk
 
Divorce Magazine, information about separation and divorce
Divorce Magazine is a compassionate self-help resource for people in need of information about separation and divorce.
www.divorcemag.com
 
Divorce - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the ... A decree of divorce is initially granted 'nisi', i.e. (unless cause is later ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
DivorceNet - Divorce Net: Family Law Information, Solutions, News ...
DivorceNet® is the Internet's largest divorce resource, offering state-specific articles, an online community and a nationwide directory of divorce lawyers, ...
www.divorcenet.com
 
The Divorce Support Page: Divorce, Child Custody, Alimony, Support ...
a support site for people experiencing, divorce, dissolution, separation, custody, alimony, visitation, etc. Divorce professionals to help you in your area.
www.divorcesupport.com
 
Divorce Source: a legal resource for divorce, custody, alimony ...
A state specific divorce web site providing information and referrals for people facing and experiencing issues revolving around divorce, separation, ...
www.divorcesource.com
 
DivorceInfo Surviving Divorce Managing Lawyers Alimony Child Support
Divorceinfo -Survive your divorce with some money in your pocket and your dignity intact.
www.divorceinfo.com
 
Divorce - Wex
An overview of divorce law with links to key primary and secondary sources, from Cornell University's Legal Information Institute.
www.law.cornell.edu
 
MedlinePlus: Divorce
Children; Children and Divorce (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry) ... Select services and providers for Divorce in your area. ...
www.nlm.nih.gov
 
Divorce Aid :: Online Guide to UK Divorce Law, Information and Advice
The largest free online interactive divorce resource in the UK for divorce law, advice, emotional support, counselling, mediation, and website for ...
www.divorceaid.co.uk
 
Divorce-Online :The UK's leading low cost divorce service
The largest free online divorce and separation resource in the UK with information, forums, chat, experts and articles.
www.divorce-online.co.uk
 
How to Divorce As Friends - Featured on Oprah - Bill Ferguson
Advice, recommended books, and telephone counseling to help couples resolve difficult issues connected with divorce or even save their marriage.
www.divorceasfriends.com
 
Welcome To Divorce Online ~ www.divorceonline.com
An electronic journal providing information and referrals for people facing divorce.
www.divorceonline.com
 
Federal Magistrates Court - On-line Application for Divorce
In the short-term, please use the Application for Divorce form which can be found at ... Our E-mail address for family law enquiries (including divorce) is ...
www.divorce.gov.au
 
DivorceCare: Divorce Recovery Support Groups
DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce.
www.divorcecare.com
 
Divorce Central Home Page
Links to divorce-related resources, organized by state, with an archive of articles and interviews.
www.divorcecentral.com
 
Divorce Helpline — tools to keep you out of court
Providing information about divorce, and referrals to family law attorneys.
www.divorcehelp.com
 
Divorce and relationship breakdown : Directgov - Parents
Advice on counselling, mediation and the divorce process, including where to find a solicitor.
www.direct.gov.uk
 
Americans for Divorce Reform, Inc.
John Crouch speaks about divorce law reform and presents a paper by John Crouch and Richard ... To find out how to work on divorce reform in your state ...
www.divorcereform.org
 
Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save ...
Divorce is not the answer to marriage problems. Stop your divorce and save your marriage with advice from Michele Weiner-Davis.
www.divorcebusting.com
 
 

 
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