10 Steps to Happily Ever After
Do you know what all happy and healthy marriages have in common? In every one of them you will find two people committed to making each other happy. You will find a man who cherishes his wife and puts her needs above his own, and you will find a...
A Brick Wall
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 18, 2003
Two years ago I divorced, and there is still a lot of hostility.
My former husband has been served with contempt papers for not paying child support. He says I am sending him to the...
In the last couple of weeks, the catholic war machine has been running on all cylinders to oppose the legitimacy of homosexual marriages. I would invite the pope to take a look behind him and see just where he was less than a year ago with the...
When Renting Is Better Than Buying
If possible, it is ALWAYS better to buy than to rent. Right? Perhaps Not.
No one will deny that owning your home is a big part of the American Dream. It is also a goal that most people, rightfully, strive to attain. Home ownership can provide...
Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home – Now What?
Laura anxiously anticipates the return of her husband Dan. What will it be like and what should she do? After all, he is not returning from a successful business trip or golf weekend. He is coming back from war. Should she arrange a romantic...
"Mid-Life and Looking for a Guy? Help is Here,"
the "good ones" married? Are men your age only interested in women 20
years younger? Is it "impossible" to meet men?
Okay, although logic never convinces anyone
of anything, let's counter some of these silly ideas. Yes, many good ones are
married, but half of them will be divorced sooner or later. Some men are
interested in women 20 years younger. It rarely works out and some men have to
learn this the hard way. You can catch one when he's finally gotten a clue, if
you're patient. My friend Sheila did. Is it impossible to meet men? Only if
you're determined it is.
He's looking for you just as hard as you're
looking for him, but he's not going to come knock at your door? I know men who've
called long-lost loves, sometimes after 40 years. A telephone or email works
fine and it can happen. If you heard the stories I hear as a coach, you'd know
that anything's possible.
I was in marketing for many years, and it
occurred to me that what you need is a marketing plan. If I were marketing an
apartment complex, here's what I'd do: Interview the owner to find out what her
goals were. Check out the curb appeal. Find out what the amenities were. Do a
quick study of the competition. Write up a marketing
plan, applying the fundamentals.
Now for the fun part - let's apply this to
you and your search for Mr. Right.
WHAT YOU WANT?
What are you looking for in a man? Be
specific. Make a list. Actually write it down. When you know what you want, you
attract it. Write down the traits, qualities, values, appearance and so forth.
In the apartment industry, "curb
appeal" means what the place looks like when you first drive up. So do an
honest assessment of your curb appeal - what do they see when they look at you?
Sometimes all you get is a first impression.
Do a makeover. If you need to, get a new
hairstyle, get in top shape, get your nails done, and take a look at your wardrobe.
Men fall in love with their eyes.
Work on your smile and your eye contact. A
coach can give you tips on this. You want your inner light to shine. This means
you must work on your attitude. Learn some optimism. It can be learned and you
don't need a reason. Not only will you feel better, but you'll be more
attractive to other people.
At an apartment complex, that's ceiling
fans and hot tubs. For you, take a look at what you bring to a relationship. I'm
not talking about material things, I'm talking about things that really matter.
Make a list of all your good qualities. Zero in on two things that are unique
to you and exceptional about you. Keep these in mind and project them.
THERE IS NO COMPETITION
Keep in mind abundance - there's someone
for everyone, and the goal is to find a good fit, in which case, it really isn't
However, if you're a bit rusty, take a look
around you when you're out because you want to be current. Make sure your curb
appeal is up-to-date. Watch other women when they're flirting; there's a style
to that as well. It will help you get in the zone to watch some women in
action. Brush up on your flirting skills. Smile. Catch his eye. Work up some friendly opening lines to have handy.
You know how they say "multiple income
streams"? Well, you're going to need multiple outgoing streams. Your plan is
to meet new people. The good thing about this is that you'll collect friends
and adventures, maybe even clients or a new job whatever else happens, so none
of this is wasted.
style="font-family: Arial;">Get out, attend, join and participate. If
the doors are open, and people will be there, YOU be there. Assuming that you
work, you have the hour, evenings and weekends.
Now here are some suggestions - and do them
· Join singles clubs and participate. · Join and get active in a faith organization · Go to any event open to the public -
chamber of commerce, fundraising, Fun Runs, political, galas. · Join the online dating services such as
eharmony - http://tinyurl.com/2lyea · Let your friends and family know that
you'd like some introductions to nice single men they know · Be open to possibilities when you're out
at the mall, grocery, and sporting goods store. Pay some visits Home Depot.
Look like you're lost, and if you see a cute guy, ask him about torque
wrenches. · Visit art museums, go to the races and
sports events. · Join
some sports places. Word has it workout gyms are not a good place to look (for
either sex), but someone I know met a great guy when she was taking SCUBA
diving lessons. · Volunteer! And volunteer to do things
that put you in a strategic location. My favorites are staffing the nametag table
and serving as hostess or greeter. Everybody who enters must pass by me. · Build a house with Habitat for Humanity.
Mid-life guys love manual labor. · Consider a goofy now-and-then job like
doing the food demos in the grocery store on Saturday afternoon. Notwithstanding
the silly "hat", you'll be in a prime position to look 'em over and
hook 'em in. Or stock books in a bookstore one evening a week if you like guys
who read. · Take your dog walking in different parks,
especially Saturday mornings. · Set up a blog on an interesting topic.
Get a free one here: www.blogger.com . · Guys are physical. Go kayacking, camping
out, hiking or bike riding; join a tennis league. · Hang out at Starbucks on Saturday
So there's your plan. Now approach it with
enthusiasm and determination and remember to include all these things in your
mix. Good luck!