We try to find the secret to a life free of struggle. The Present Perfect is this secret.
I used to think that good relationships and good jobs were things that only the luckiest people could attract into their lives but deep inside I also used to think that there must be the “perfect” relationship and the “perfect” job. My view was that if someone else could do it, I should be able to do it as well.

My two longest relationships (I should say “and meaningful” but I am going to say “and life-shapers” instead), one of which ended up in divorce, were based on “eye choice”: you know, the tick-list, the “he is my type” kind of thinking, the mind-based judgement on “what a relationship should be like”. No wonder they ended up in heart-break but, may I say, great life learning experiences.

Then I thought that there was obviously something wrong with either the partners I was attracting, the way I was focusing my energy or simply my methods of discernment. So I decided that the next partner that came along would have to “feel right” rather than “look right”. I am not sure at that stage which wise spiritual being whispered this insight in my ear, but this was the beginning of the breaking limiting ego-mind patterns of my choices.

So I did as I said. And my next partner certainly didn’t look “right” in the way of physical presence or what I had considered so far attractive looks, but every time he would be around, I would close my eyes and say to myself “if it feels right, I will stick with it”.

Over a short period of time, this faith paid off: in the very strange way the heart sees the world, this person started to become attractive in a physical way as well. “Funny”, I thought, “how someone attractive can become hateful and how someone plain becomes adorable if you give the heart and the soul a chance to find their way through the maize of energies around you”.

I knew this partner wasn’t the one, but I knew his presence in my life was a healing and very important one. And when both had shared the healing that needed to take place, we both agreed to part in friendly terms and with our unconditional blessings to go our separate ways.

What happened afterwards was amazing: since I had obviously gave my soul the chance to direct my life and by breaking the ego-choice pattern, my current partner (5 years on) appeared in my life in an incredible twist of fate and again, not looking what I originally would call handsome but recognising an inner beauty of his own, he surprisingly seemed to be everything I had always asked for or believed a partner should bring into your life. And much more.

By releasing control of my choices, I allowed my higher wisdom to attract the right person in my life. By opening my heart in a way that when this GIFT was presented to me I would be able to ACCEPT it, I was able to embrace it and work with it in faith and gratitude until we both had shaped our lives into what we both deeply wanted.

Therefore I had proved to myself that my theory wasn’t too far from the truth! So it was then time to focus on the work environment.

I considered that if I could attract the right partner, I could certainly attract the right job. I mean by this the job that will allow you freedom of expression, call for the highest manifestation of your gifts, allow your full potential to be developed and bring you the highest fulfilment.

However, in real terms, after a long period of restlessness, job hopping and searching for the perfect work environment, I wasn’t any closer to this ideal.

So I decided to “take it from where I was” (another wise spirit?).

I started to look at the people around me, specially my boss, and FEEL how I was treated by them. In every case, I would take it upon myself to give to

I used to feel he was very hard on me, but I realised that in my mind I was always judging him very harshly myself, so in one of my morning meditations I decided to open my heart towards him and send him as much compassion as I could. Sometimes this means a literally two-second intense feeling with a certainty that this energy has reached the person or situation it was sent to.

I then understood that if this is who he was and this is how he could handle life and people, who was I to judge him? I realised that we all struggle to survive physically, emotionally and spiritually and that we all use all the resources we have. It is just that some people have many more resources than others!

Bit by bit, I saw my work environment and personal life changing right in front of my eyes! Where there had been criticism and belittlement, there was now support and respect. Where there had been jealousy and manipulation, there was now acceptance and affection.

I literally saw these changes happening over night. It was as if a huge heavy cloud had been lifted from my energy field. I felt clean and light and the old me started to come out to play because she didn’t feel unsafe and unsettled any more. All the time I had tried to keep her hidden and quiet because of fear of her getting hurt but now my boundaries had naturally expanded to accept others and give them the right to be and at the same time, to create a field of respect and awareness of me that had become a natural and low-maintenance boundary.

All the time and energy I spent creating strategies to keep people out of my boundaries, now I realised the best strategy was a non-defence based on a healthy self-esteem, which in turn was based on the acceptance of the self and which in turn would become an acceptance of others. This stopped others to try to “attack” my personal space because, in their higher levels of understanding, they realised that I wasn’t having a power struggle: we all had the right to be who we were and we all had the space to play and experiment in whatever situation life had placed us.

I have now grown into a level of communication with others that I merely dreamt of not so long ago. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t “reach out” to others but in turn, I realise I wasn’t allowing others to reach me because I was so busy “protecting” my inner space, and I can tell you that aggressivity, passive or active, is not the best strategy of defence!

I feel that I have now broken the pattern again and, like a butterfly in the cocoon stages, I feel that a great change is taking place in my life now. A huge shift that is bringing me clean and lighter energies. And I KNOW (it is just a matter of time) the PERFECT job is round the corner for me, just like it happened with the PERFECT partner.

“So, what is the secret?” you may want to ask.

I would say that instead of struggling against our present circumstances, not just accept the Gift of our Present but embrace it to turn it round.

If you can find the seed of compassion in your heart to send to any person, place or situation that needs healing, you will see right in front of your eyes the incredible miracle of your life healing into joy and bliss.

The question is, how much happiness can you stand?

About the Author

Ana is a Reiki Master, Spiritual Coach and works with Native American spiritually based Animal Strategy. As a result, Ana helps people untangle themselves from painful emotional turmoil and struggle by attaining inner harmony, detachment and self-reliance. Ana will help you draw out your inner wisdom so that you can tackle life challenges in practical and inspiring ways.