Sometimes, applying our professional knowledge and skills to our personal lives can make a huge difference in our ability to accomplish our goals.
Sandra came for coaching when she decided she wasn't making sufficient progress on her own. Recently divorced, she wanted to clean up her life and cut loose from all the old baggage she was dragging around.

She agreed with the maxim "Living well is the best revenge." She had already done a lot of work and knew the general direction she wanted to take her life. And Sandra was highly motivated. But she couldn't figure out why she wasn't making progress-why she remained stuck in her old behaviors.

Since she was a business woman, we used the analogy of an organization. She decided that her life was her organization. Her soul was the CEO, her mind the group of managers, and her body all the remaining employees.

Her CEO was a true visionary. Inspired. Full of phenomenal visions for her future. She was trying to realize the visions of her CEO without much success, swinging between tearing her hair out with frustration and crying from discouragement and bouts of helplessness.

However, in applying this analogy, she was able to see why it wasn't working. People resist change, especially change that has been forced on them. So she set aside some time to work on this.

Renting a cabin by the lake, Sandra spent the weekend in solitude. She meditated. Walked. Napped. Played her flute. Wrote out her thoughts and ideas. Verbalized all her internal resistance, described her dreams and visions in detail, and acknowledged her mixed feelings for the first time.

In her meditations, she asked for input from her body and mind. She found that when she listened closely, she heard old voices from the past that were telling her she was incapable and unworthy of success.

During her walks and reflections, she consciously refuted these beliefs, choosing to replace them with

Previously, we had discussed the judicious use of rewards. Simply put, if you want to create a behavior change in yourself (or in someone else), you focus on and appropriately reward the behavior you want more of. So, in her meditation, she asked for input on what her soul, body, and mind would consider to be effective rewards. She wrote these in her journal.

Sandra returned from her sojourn armed with a very comprehensive, proactive plan that, when put into practice, helped her get unstuck. She reached her short-term goals very quickly, which renewed her energy and fired her determination to endure the long haul to realize her visions.

This time she was able to do it because she had the complete cooperation of her entire "organization," a cooperation which she rewarded appropriately along the way.

If you, like Sandra, wonder why you struggle so hard to move forward but the scenery never changes, perhaps it's time for you to get your whole "organization" involved in your vision. Make sure "everyone" is on board and buys in to your project. Put appropriate, fun rewards in place to keep yourself motivated and inspired. Don't be afraid to make massive change if baby steps aren't working for you. And be sure to surround yourself, as much as possible, with people who bring you up, who bring out the best in you, instead of holding you down. Give yourself the gift of a solid support system, which can include friends and family (if they don't have their own agenda for you), a mentor, coach, and/or therapist. Your visions deserve to find their place in the sun!

About the Author

Loral Lee Besola is a licensed and certified therapist and a life coach. She specializes in helping professional women create the life of their dreams by bringing coaching &/or therapy into their offices, offering increased convenience and confidentiality.