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7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion After Divorce
Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years. Eventually,...

Blessings In A Mother's Tears
As a mother, my intuition told me that something just wasn’t right. Most doctors blew off my concerns about my daughter, Deborah. They said the behavior problems were just “terrible twos” or “extra family stress” from my divorce. I knew from the...

"Dating After Divorce: Things To Think About Regarding Dating After Divorce"
Dating after divorce is a much debated topic due to the psychological and emotional impact it can have on people. Dating after divorce can be complex, too often divorcees don't consider the ramifications of dating after divorce before they jump into...

Premarital Agreements & Living Together Agreements – Do You Need One?
The article explains who needs a premarital or a living together agreement and why. Nearly everyone dislikes the idea of creating a legal agreement to govern his or her relationship. It seems to take the spontaneity and trust out of the...

Things I Learned from Mister Rogers
Fred Rogers is one of my heroes. He was 'gentle before gentle was cool.' 1. You can never go down, never go down, never go down the drain. When life can involve divorce, layoffs, losing a child, moving 2 weeks before your baby's due and you...

 
Self Destructive Lifestyles: A Wake-Up Call

We've become a society addicted to the doctrine of blame. Consider this article an intervention.
During the 1990’s we heard a lot about self-destructive behavior and saw the consequences of it unfold before our very eyes. Teachers were caught having improper relationships with their students. Military Academies became centers for accusations of rape and the cover-up of crimes against female cadets. Prestigious universities tried to shake off growing reputations of being ‘party schools’ while more and more of their students died from date rape drugs, ecstasy use and alcohol poisoning. Cancer rates among American females grew for the first time in decades as more women took up the smoking habit. Record numbers of people were becoming infected with Herpes in all it’s forms. The credibility of the U.S. Presidency was brought into question and a president impeached, with sexual misconduct and harassment as the root cause. These incidents and facts should have been warning signs against a growing pattern of self-destructive behavior among Americans, but now well into the first decade of the twenty-first century, did everyone get the wake up call?

The popular perception has become that if you have a drug or alcohol problem, a short stay in the rehab center can take care of it. If you’re unlucky enough to end up with Aids or Herpes, a cocktail of drugs will handle that. If you’re overweight, you can just get your stomach stapled. People with problems just need for Doctor Feelgood to prescribe some happy pills and they‘ll feel better. Kids that won’t listen can be medicated into submission. These are the dangerous and fool-hearty half-truths that govern a society of people addicted to self-destructive behavior. Addicts never learn from the consequences of their addiction and always require some sort of intervention to kick the habit. So consider this article an intervention.

Most of the problems that we face each day, whether self-inflicted or created by circumstances beyond our control, have no simple solutions. Many supposed cures involve someone or something else taking control of our lives and, ultimately, do not work for the long haul. Meanwhile, the one cure that can help everyone the most is always the least talked about. Taking personal responsibility for your life might just save it! We’ve become a society convinced that blame is the way to handle all of our problems. If we can blame someone or something for our condition, then it’s alright for us to drink too much, eat too much, sleep around and take illegal or prescription drugs to handle all the pain caused by others. Blame removes personal responsibility from the picture. But it’s just an illusion created by a society that refuses to recognize there are real and dire consequences for all of our actions.

Let’s look at how foolish arguments have lead people away from the one thing that can help them. At one time smoking was a heath issue, but now it’s been turned into a political one. Politicians intent on making people quit smoking have passed laws banning them from doing it in most public places. They point out that smoking costs the public money because tax dollars ultimately end up being used to treat Smokers. Smoking enthusiasts say this is a violation of a person’s fundamental right to choose. While I don’t smoke and think it’s a terrible habit, I also know that you cannot legislate morality. Prohibition (a national law which largely forbid the consumption of alcoholic beverages in America) did not stop people from drinking, it merely made them drink more and brought on a nationwide crime wave. By turning smoking into a political argument, society has limited discussion on the actual heath concerns and results of the habit. People are turned away from taking personal responsibility for their habit and steered towards taking sides in a political battle.

Running to the doctor or taking pills has become a crutch for Americans. We have been lead to believe that medicine and medications can solve all of our problems. If we’re not happy, we are told it’s an imbalance in our brain that requires pills. This doesn‘t relate to those who suffer from serious mental illness, just folks who aren‘t feeling like themselves. These people are told that they may be suffering from depression and put on medication. At the same time, several popular medications used for treating depression have been linked to suicides and even murder.

Children who display any sort of rambunctious behavior are immediately labeled as ’hyperactive’ and put on prescription drugs. In many cases this is because parents and teachers


just don’t want to deal with kids who may be acting out because of other factors. I few years ago my children befriended a twelve year old boy and his younger sister. Both children seemed normal and bright, but from time to time the boy would become violent and lash out at his mother. After being examined and put on medication, he became somber and unhappy. No one ever thought to consider other causative factors for his behavior.

His mother and the two kids lived in a three bedroom apartment. Because they were poor, she regularly took in friends who needed a place to stay and rented them the boy’s bedroom. Essentially, he was made to sleep on the floor and do all the housework for his mother who claimed to be disabled. His father showed up every couple of years and showed no interest in the children at all. Authorities could have tried to help this family, but the easiest route was to control the boy’s outrage at his situation with medication. Children cannot understand complicated situations, they can only react to them. Hyperactivity can often be a cry for help. Answering that cry with drugs seems cruel at best.

I recently saw Carney Wilson in a television interview. As the daughter of Brian Wilson of ‘Beach Boys’ music fame and a performer in her own right, Carney has become a celebrity spokesperson for a procedure which helps people lose weight by stapling their stomach. Carney has lost 150 pounds. But after losing all that weight, she seemed less enthusiastic about the operation. Confessing that she was still hungry most of the time, Carney admitted that a change of lifestyle was as important or more important then the procedure. That goes to the heart of the matter. Should we add to our problems by letting medicine tinker with our bodies in ways that might create more health problems down the line, or should we try and take personal responsibility for our lives and change behaviors that are self-destructive?

Taking personal responsibility for our actions means gaining control of our minds. Most people misinterpret their own feelings. They desire fulfillment and turn to what seems like the quickest way to get it. But drinking, smoking, over-eating, taking pills or sleeping with people until we decide to settle down with one doesn’t provide fulfillment. These are self-destructive behaviors that lead us away from true happiness. Those who drink, smoke and over-eat never picture themselves dying because of those choices, but that’s what usually happens down the line and those deaths can be long and unpleasant ones. People that move from relationship to relationship, sleeping around until they find the right partner, never see themselves with five or six children from different encounters, three or four divorces under their belt before they’re forty or saddled with some terrible disease they can spread through intimate contact, but it happens all the time.

Gaining control of your mind means gaining control of your life by doing some mental troubleshooting. If you’ve been involved in self-destructive behavior, it’s time to stop and take responsibility for everything you do. You can’t control all the circumstances that surround you, but you can control your own life. Most people that smoke, drink, over-eat, take illegal drugs or depend on prescriptions for their happiness, do so because they lack fulfillment. Finding that fulfillment means discovering what you really want and setting goals to get it. It also means replacing positive actions with negative ones. Replace self-destructive behavior with educational, volunteer, self-improvement and career expanding opportunities. This will give you the chance to meet positive people with goals and interests that may be similar to yours.

It takes courage to become a person who is willing to be responsible for their own actions, but it’s immensely satisfying to escape the blame trap that so many find themselves caught in. Most people CAN’T escape negative circumstances because they WON’T. Many will never try, but those who do will find it easier then they thought possible to escape the negative confines of their own minds.

About the Author

A native New Yorker now living in Arizona, Bill Knell is a forty-something guy with a wealth of knowledge and experience. He's written hundreds of articles on a wide variety of subjects. A popular Speaker, Bill Knell presents seminars on a number of topics that entertain, train and teach. A popular radio and television show Guest, you've heard Bill on thousands of top-rated shows in all formats and seen him on local, national and international television programs.


 

divorce.co.uk - advice on mediation, counselling and legal aspects ...
An overview of divorce in the UK, including the law, mediation options and emotional support, from Mills & Reeve.
www.divorce.co.uk
 
Divorce Magazine, information about separation and divorce
Divorce Magazine is a compassionate self-help resource for people in need of information about separation and divorce.
www.divorcemag.com
 
Divorce - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the ... A decree of divorce is initially granted 'nisi', i.e. (unless cause is later ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
DivorceNet - Divorce Net: Family Law Information, Solutions, News ...
DivorceNet® is the Internet's largest divorce resource, offering state-specific articles, an online community and a nationwide directory of divorce lawyers, ...
www.divorcenet.com
 
The Divorce Support Page: Divorce, Child Custody, Alimony, Support ...
a support site for people experiencing, divorce, dissolution, separation, custody, alimony, visitation, etc. Divorce professionals to help you in your area.
www.divorcesupport.com
 
Divorce Source: a legal resource for divorce, custody, alimony ...
A state specific divorce web site providing information and referrals for people facing and experiencing issues revolving around divorce, separation, ...
www.divorcesource.com
 
DivorceInfo Surviving Divorce Managing Lawyers Alimony Child Support
Divorceinfo -Survive your divorce with some money in your pocket and your dignity intact.
www.divorceinfo.com
 
Divorce - Wex
An overview of divorce law with links to key primary and secondary sources, from Cornell University's Legal Information Institute.
www.law.cornell.edu
 
MedlinePlus: Divorce
Children; Children and Divorce (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry) ... Select services and providers for Divorce in your area. ...
www.nlm.nih.gov
 
Divorce Aid :: Online Guide to UK Divorce Law, Information and Advice
The largest free online interactive divorce resource in the UK for divorce law, advice, emotional support, counselling, mediation, and website for ...
www.divorceaid.co.uk
 
Divorce-Online :The UK's leading low cost divorce service
The largest free online divorce and separation resource in the UK with information, forums, chat, experts and articles.
www.divorce-online.co.uk
 
How to Divorce As Friends - Featured on Oprah - Bill Ferguson
Advice, recommended books, and telephone counseling to help couples resolve difficult issues connected with divorce or even save their marriage.
www.divorceasfriends.com
 
Welcome To Divorce Online ~ www.divorceonline.com
An electronic journal providing information and referrals for people facing divorce.
www.divorceonline.com
 
Federal Magistrates Court - On-line Application for Divorce
In the short-term, please use the Application for Divorce form which can be found at ... Our E-mail address for family law enquiries (including divorce) is ...
www.divorce.gov.au
 
DivorceCare: Divorce Recovery Support Groups
DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce.
www.divorcecare.com
 
Divorce Central Home Page
Links to divorce-related resources, organized by state, with an archive of articles and interviews.
www.divorcecentral.com
 
Divorce Helpline — tools to keep you out of court
Providing information about divorce, and referrals to family law attorneys.
www.divorcehelp.com
 
Divorce and relationship breakdown : Directgov - Parents
Advice on counselling, mediation and the divorce process, including where to find a solicitor.
www.direct.gov.uk
 
Americans for Divorce Reform, Inc.
John Crouch speaks about divorce law reform and presents a paper by John Crouch and Richard ... To find out how to work on divorce reform in your state ...
www.divorcereform.org
 
Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save ...
Divorce is not the answer to marriage problems. Stop your divorce and save your marriage with advice from Michele Weiner-Davis.
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  • the essence of infidelity

  • the ethical responsible puppy buyer

  • the facts of life what every woman should know about money

  • the family cycle i euphoric and dysphoric cycles in marriage

  • the girl in my college

  • the glitter bitter jewelry

  • the gorilla times vol 4

  • the informal normal in a black tie affair world

  • the joys of being healthy

  • the love pyramid mini course

  • the mans no nonsense guide to women now available in paperback author marc rudov picks up endorsement from susan shapiro barash

  • the melting pot

  • the over working mother

  • the power to succeed

  • the prenuptial agreement dilemma

  • the quadfathers daily devotional for domestic dads

  • the quest for intimacy and passion challenges for the acd

  • the road not taken

  • the second time another white wedding

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 1

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 2

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 5

  • the talking stick

  • the talking stick a mans promise to give undivided attention

  • the thrill ride called life facing fear with strength and courage

  • the venus flower basket symbol of love

  • the wedding aisle who is walking you down it

  • the womans guide to younger men

  • things i learned from mister rogers

  • think you cant afford your own home think again

  • three amigos

  • tips to help find missing persons

  • tired of online dating

  • tis the season

  • todays woman

  • too late

  • too many divorces

  • top 10 secrets to avoiding marital money chaos

  • top 4 reasons women ride the emotional roller coaster

  • top ten list of what to do and what not to do in relationships

  • to all the men ill never love again

  • to all the men i ll never love again

  • to love forever

  • trekshare com crashing a wedding in laos part 1

  • trust in marriage

  • trust starts with you

  • two hearts are now one

  • uncontested divorce how thinking about an uncontested divorce figures into your decision about divorce

  • uniforms

  • unintended consequences

  • using pain to institute change in your life

  • vasectomy reversal a personal story

  • warning signs your guy may be a mr wrong instead of mr right

  • weddings for the guests of honor the bride and groom

  • weddings you are not who i married yesterday

  • wedding invitationstodays etiquette and wording

  • wedding reception seating tips

  • western wedding done dirt cheap

  • we all need a father figure to lean on

  • whats it all about

  • what 10 things divorced parent should do to promote positive child adjustment

  • what 3 greatest gift you can give to your children by co parenting

  • what are fathers rights

  • what causes separation anxiety in children

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for an infant

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for preschoolers

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for school age children

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for toddlers

  • what is it all about

  • what is reflexology

  • what is the first thing to say when you want a divorce

  • what its all about

  • what makes cheating spouses cheat

  • what parents should do for children to do their best after divorce

  • what women want

  • what you can do as a non raging mate to either fix the relationship or forget it

  • when not to begin potty training

  • when renting is better than buying

  • when somethings not right about your career part vi vi second chance

  • when the kids wont listen

  • where does one start to succeed when nothing is working

  • whose decision

  • whos helping our grieving children cope with katrina

  • who says life doesnt repeat itself

  • who says online datings only for losers

  • who should relocate in a long distance relationship

  • who wants to be rich

  • why arent you using this marriage saving tip

  • why are russian women so popular learn the secrets

  • why are there so many fat kids

  • why does god permit wickedness and suffering part 2

  • why do cheating spouses cheat

  • why do men cheat

  • why is desperate housewives so popular

  • why men cheat

  • why men wont commit to marriage

  • why receive christian pre marital counseling

  • why women should worry about retirement more than men

  • widen and deepen your relationships get to the good stuff

  • winning my battle with anxiety

  • wise women money quiz how money wise are you

  • woman thou art great

  • women and divorce how women should protect themselves financially regarding divorce

  • women and pensions what women need to know and do

  • women and workplace stress its more than the job

  • women and workplace stress it s more than the job

  • women in sindh

  • women in transition

  • women in transition from post feminism to past femininity

  • women in transition from post feminism to past femininity part ii

  • women who wear the pants in the family

  • words of wisdom for single parents

  • wow grandma is dating

  • writing the chapters of your life surprising insights using this special journaling technique

  • yesterday today and tomorrow

  • your beloved soldier is coming home now what

  • your children should not suffer because of divorce

  • you can either have fun or make money not when you use emotional intelligence

  • you can either have fun or you can make money not when you use your emotional intelligence

  • you can improve your relationship