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7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion After Divorce
Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years.
Eventually,...
Are Cell Phones To Blame for Marital Misconduct?
Remember that day so long ago when you said, "I do". There was
no doubt in your mind at that very moment that you were in for
the long haul and never thought about anything else. You
acknowledged your vows with the truest of intentions and...
"Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce?"
According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans express a...
Take Responsible For Our Condition
Today I Am Claiming My Prosperity
I can not help but to think about Malachi 3:8 - 10. The instructions to Finances were written a long time ago; and I do realize this is a HOT subject to place in print but I believe this with all my Heart, Mind,...
The Melting Pot
THE MELTING POT
Society has been called a ‘melting pot’. This, I think, is an accurate description. But what is a melting pot? I imagine a pot full of some solid substance that has undergone a transformation into a liquid state. In the latter...
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Seven Steps To Building A Resilient Relationship
We live in an age when divorce rates have never been higher. Currently in the U.S., one in every three marriages ends within the first ten years. In California, one in every two marriages ends in divorce. How can you avoid being one of these statistics? What can you do to build a relationship that is strong, healthy, and resilient?
Most of us know that, unlike what we see in the movies, "Happily ever after" doesn't just naturally follow once you have found the right partner. A healthy and happy relationship is the outgrowth of your willingness to spend time and energy creating something wonderful with your mate.
Relationships require regular maintenance. Like your car, you can't wait until everything breaks down to begin giving your partnership some attention. In my twenty-five years of working with couples, I have noticed that many don't invest what it takes to keep their relationship healthy and vibrant, until major problems develop. Then they expect to quickly repair years of cumulative damage, when it is often too late.
The key is to invest in your partnership while the going is good. While there are no guarantees, this gives you the greatest likelihood that your relationship will continue to thrive in the years ahead. Here are seven things you can do to begin building a healthy, strong, and resilient relationship today:
Action #1: Demonstrate you care every day.
Love is a verb. It is essential that you show your partner that you appreciate him or her on a daily basis. Find out what pleases your beloved, and then do it. Call to say "I love you," cook a nice meal, clean up the kitchen, offer a back rub, give your partner a break away from the house and kids. Do the little thoughtful things that say, "your happiness matters to me." Note the emphasis here is on what you can give, not on what you can get, and not just once or twice a year, but every single day.
Action #2: Have fun together.
It's true: couples that play together tend to stay together. Although this can be particularly challenging when the children are little, it is of great importance that parents spend fun time as a couple. Make it a priority to carve some couple time out of each week, and know that it is the best thing you can do for your relationship and for the children. Avoid discussing problems or focusing on the children while out on your date. This is your time to lighten up and enjoy each other.
Action #3: Let go of the past.
Your partner will inevitably make mistakes, hurt your feelings, do things that infuriate you, and generally behave in ways that you find unacceptable. Your challenge is to avoid keeping score. Once you start holding grudges it is the beginning of the end. Open your heart, let go of any bitterness and resentment you have stockpiled, and forgive your partner for being human. Avoid throwing your partner's past "wrongs" in his or her face. Live in the Now, and let
each day be a fresh, new opportunity to demonstrate your love for each other.
Action #4: Bite your tongue.
Should you be tempted in the heat of anger, bite your tongue and stop yourself from saying something hurtful which can create a permanent tear in the fabric of your relationship. Once you have used a negative label like "stupid," or "crazy," or an even more derogatory term to refer to your mate, you can never erase it. These words sting and scar. Vow to yourself that you will never use them, no matter how much your mate has upset you.
Action #5: Listen and Acknowledge.
Listening does not mean you need to agree with what your mate is saying. It only means you put aside your need to be right and win long enough to try to understand and acknowledge what your partner is thinking and feeling. Try not to give advice or to criticize what you hear. Give your beloved your complete attention, and summarize what you think he or she is trying to tell you, without adding your own interpretation. Problems dissolve when our goal is to listen and understand, rather than to talk and convince.
Action #6: Work on changing yourself.
I can often tell in the first hour whether or not a couple is likely to benefit from couples counseling. It all comes down to how willing each person is to look in the mirror and focus on changing himself or herself. When each is determined to change the other, counseling is doomed to fail. When each is open to accepting responsibility for his or her part in the relationship difficulties, there is a good chance of success. The only one you can change is you. Avoid pointing the finger of blame, and instead place your attention on how you can be a better partner.
Action #7: Focus on what you like about your mate.
Whatever you focus on in another person gets bigger. If you focus on another's faults, they will become predominant in your relationship. Conversely, if you focus on the other's good qualities (as most of us do at the start of a relationship) then they will become prevalent in your interactions. Make a list of all of the things you most appreciate about your mate, and read it daily. Let his or her positive traits be your point of focus, and watch as you literally bring out the best in your beloved.
About the author:
Eve Delunas, Ph.D., psychotherapist, author, speaker, trainer. Offers proven strategies to help you rise above your limitations and soar. Breaking the Spell of the Past--Book and Guided Visualization CD set. Take a FREE QUIZ to find out if you are SPELLBOUND by your past. Download a FREE guided meditation to relieve stress and feel more peaceful. Sign up for a FREE monthly ezine called AWAKENING INNER VISION: RESOURCES FOR ENLIGHTENMENT.
Go to: http://www.innervisionresources.com
mailto:eve@innervisionresources.com
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| divorce.co.uk - advice on mediation, counselling and legal aspects ... |
| An overview of divorce in the UK, including the law, mediation options and emotional support, from Mills & Reeve. |
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| Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the ... A decree of divorce is initially granted 'nisi', i.e. (unless cause is later ... |
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| DivorceNet - Divorce Net: Family Law Information, Solutions, News ... |
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| The Divorce Support Page: Divorce, Child Custody, Alimony, Support ... |
| a support site for people experiencing, divorce, dissolution, separation, custody, alimony, visitation, etc. Divorce professionals to help you in your area. |
| www.divorcesupport.com |
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| Divorce Source: a legal resource for divorce, custody, alimony ... |
| A state specific divorce web site providing information and referrals for people facing and experiencing issues revolving around divorce, separation, ... |
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| The largest free online divorce and separation resource in the UK with information, forums, chat, experts and articles. |
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| Advice, recommended books, and telephone counseling to help couples resolve difficult issues connected with divorce or even save their marriage. |
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| An electronic journal providing information and referrals for people facing divorce. |
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| In the short-term, please use the Application for Divorce form which can be found at ... Our E-mail address for family law enquiries (including divorce) is ... |
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| DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce. |
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| Links to divorce-related resources, organized by state, with an archive of articles and interviews. |
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| Divorce is not the answer to marriage problems. Stop your divorce and save your marriage with advice from Michele Weiner-Davis. |
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