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Successful Dating and Marriage (1)

Chapter One


“In a high-divorce society, not only are more unhappy marriages likely to end in divorce, but in addition, more marriages are likely to become unhappy." -- COUNCIL ON FAMILIES IN AMERICA.

.................................................

When Japanese government officials conceived building an airport in Narita, little did they know that the airport will later come to be associated with divorce. Even the engineers and architects, who dreamt up the plan, forgot to dream about wed locks and goodbyes. Morpheus, the god of dreams, did not remind them.

Now, the term Narita divorce, has been coined for the newlyweds who on arrival at Narita Airport after a honeymoon, immediately head to the court to file divorce papers. Bad word!

Marriages have been known to hit the rocks, the night after the weeding day. Some may wait to happen after the birth of the first child, while others may choose to divorce after their golden jubilee.

The story of broken marriages -- marital bliss turned marital misery, is worldwide. And this is happening despite an army of psychologists, psychiatrists, clergymen, and other counselors offering advice on marriage, including a horde of publications on the subject. People have even written best-sellers, offering advice on broken families. Ask Inyanla Vanzant, the author of the book, Yesterday I Cried.

Let's get some statistics. Britain has the highest divorce rate in Europe (4 out of 10 marriages), Canada and Japan (1 out of 3 marriages), Zimbabwe (2 out of every 5 marriage) and Spain (1 out of 8 marriages.) Also in Australia, divorce rates have quadrupled since the 1980's, and in the United States and other lands, teenage mothers and children born out of wedlock, have been on the rise.

In other countries, like Germany, the traditional family has totally been abandoned. In that country, single persons and individuals account for a majority of the families. And in France, people are marrying less, and divorcing more.

The effect of broken families -- the oldest human institution -- is already telling on us. What with the violence that we see around us today?

Family disintegration has led to the fall of great empires like Rome and Greece. May it not lead to the end of our civilization!

But why are married couples increasingly getting divorce certificates or simply living as roommates, or what has been called emotional divorce? Because they started their marriages with the wrong foot. And head to the wrong people to seek advice -- marriage counselors.

These series of articles will help you to get your marriage on a good start, and stay married. Because it will tell you God's view about marriage. And since God is the creator and originator of marriage, he is the best authority on this matter.

In these series, you will find answers to questions that you may have asked such as: How can I find a compatible mate? What are the rules of dating? How do I know if I am ready for marriage? What happens on the wedding day? What is needed for a successful marriage? How should disagreements be settled? What is my role in the family? How can a husband get his wife's respect? Why does a wife need her husband's love? Who is the decision maker? What about the children? And many more…

But first; folks, let us look out for the dangers in a marriage. Knowing these dangers, like a sailor knowing the location of the hidden rocks under the sea, will help you to find success in your courtship and marriage, sex and happiness.

So, what are they?

Chapter Two

"It seems much easier to fall in love than to stay in love." --DR. KAREN KAYSER.

.................................................

Would you want to marry in haste and repent at leisure? No, folk. May that not be your destiny. But you see, marriage is like a packed theater with some uninterested spectators wanting to get out, and other interested ones waiting outside, wishing to get in.

If you think though that marriage can solve all of your problems, you are mistaken. Ask a married friend. But it can give you a measure of security and satisfaction if you play by the rules.

But we forget the rules before we rush into matrimony. And when a sailor forgets his navigation rules, he suffers a shipwreck.

You see, people enter into marriage relationships with little or no preparation. If you were entering the university for example, you will be asked to sit for a qualifying exam. You may even be asked to show other supporting qualifications like the TOEFL if you were heading for a U.S. university.

But these are small things compared to the permanent


relationship of marriage. Yet the only requirement in the marriage registry is your signature. Nothing else.

However, there are dangers to watch out for just before you append your signature to that marriage certificate. And what are they?

Failed Expectations

People think of marriage as a kind of fiction story where the characters "live happily ever after." But it is never so. Because the great expectation of your Sleeping Beauty or Prince Charming may turn out to be a bad dream. The love, attention and support that you badly craved before marriage may turn out to be a tale of rejection and disillusion.

Incompatibility

You may also discover after the marriage that both of you are poles apart -- with different interests. Those characteristics which were hidden before the marriage now becomes manifest. And it becomes a story of "if I had known." (No thanks to mismatch and your beguiling mate!)

Conflict

Your Happy Valley or Fortunate Isles, now turns to be a battlefield of squabbling, fighting, and God forbid -- physical violence. The very sweet words, like honeycombs which were used to win your hand in marriage now become weapons of abuse and "war."

Apathy

It may be that you will one day find yourself saying: "I am no longer interested." And then the marriage drags on and on, like a factory worker tolerating a bad job -- to keep body and soul together. And one day, apathy turns to hate, and you find yourself telling your partner that the "game" is up!

Money

Do not deceive yourself thinking that money will make you happy. It does the opposite, says Paul Getty the American millionaire.

Now suppose there is bickering over money in a joint venture? Or suppose your previously rich spouse now suffers financial misfortune? And you who were used to summer holidays in the Virgin Islands, and cruising in yachts in the Mediterranean now see poverty and hardship staring at you in the face? What will you do?

Parenthood

You may find out that the love you had for your mate now begins to drop when children start coming in. The reason may be that you no longer have time for each other, or your mate is now getting old. Is it time to sue for divorce?

Deceit

It may vex you to find out that you are living with an infidel, a betrayal of trust, and not a friend and confidant. Now, suppose you find out that your mate lied to you about his or her history before the marriage? Or what if you find that your mate was cheating on you -- committing adultery?

Sex

Suppose your partner starts depriving you of sex? Or what if sex, which was supposed for enjoyment now becomes mechanical? Some have even used sex as a bargain tool : Buy me a Swiss gold watch, and I will give you sex!

Some wives have woken up after the wedding day to find out that their husbands were impotents, or eunuchs. Husbands have also been told by their wives that they would die if they had sex together. Because they have husbands who satisfy their sexual desires in the spirit world! What would you call that?

Superstition

This may also affect your marriage depending on where you live. Barrenness, miscarriages, unseen attacks, deaths and broken marriages have been supposedly caused by wicked spirits. Does this bother you? Maybe not. But know that wicked spirits exist.

In-laws

If you allow your in-laws to intrude into your family, they may ruin your marriage. Both of you are now one, and should be able to solve your marital problems without frequenting your parents, or relations for advice.

Friends

What kinds of associates do you and your mate have? Are they unwholesome friends? They will not help your marriage. Know that bad company can corrupt good manners.

These are some of the things may shipwreck a marriage. They may not be the case with your family. But know that there is no perfect family on this earth. So there must be one kind of problem or the other in your family. Now what are required to make a marriage successful?


To be continued

(EXCERPTED FROM THE BOOK, “SUCCESSFUL DATING AND MARRIAGE.” THIS TEN-CHAPTER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FOR SALE. INTERESTED BUYERS SHOULD CONTACT THE AUTHOR.)

ARTHUR ZULU is an editor, book reviewer, playwright, and published author. He also writes short stories, scripts, essays, and poems.
For his works and FREE helps for writers, goto:
http://controversialwriter.tripod.com
mailto: controversialwriter@yahoo.com
Web search: Arthur Zulu


About the Author

ARTHUR ZULU is an editor, book reviewer, playwright, and published author. He also writes short stories, scripts, essays, and poems.

 

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  • ten easy yet powerful way to get in the spirit to date again after a break up or time out

  • ten financial tips for women

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  • the absentee parent parenting from a distance

  • the basics of marriage counseling

  • the call of the loon

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  • the cost of adhd treatment a must for emotional physical and financial health

  • the crucial role of the new dad

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  • the desired effect of music on child transform him or her into an angel

  • the effect of increasing outside work

  • the essence of infidelity

  • the ethical responsible puppy buyer

  • the facts of life what every woman should know about money

  • the family cycle i euphoric and dysphoric cycles in marriage

  • the girl in my college

  • the glitter bitter jewelry

  • the gorilla times vol 4

  • the informal normal in a black tie affair world

  • the joys of being healthy

  • the love pyramid mini course

  • the mans no nonsense guide to women now available in paperback author marc rudov picks up endorsement from susan shapiro barash

  • the melting pot

  • the over working mother

  • the power to succeed

  • the prenuptial agreement dilemma

  • the quadfathers daily devotional for domestic dads

  • the quest for intimacy and passion challenges for the acd

  • the road not taken

  • the second time another white wedding

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 1

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 2

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 5

  • the talking stick

  • the talking stick a mans promise to give undivided attention

  • the thrill ride called life facing fear with strength and courage

  • the venus flower basket symbol of love

  • the wedding aisle who is walking you down it

  • the womans guide to younger men

  • things i learned from mister rogers

  • think you cant afford your own home think again

  • three amigos

  • tips to help find missing persons

  • tired of online dating

  • tis the season

  • todays woman

  • too late

  • too many divorces

  • top 10 secrets to avoiding marital money chaos

  • top 4 reasons women ride the emotional roller coaster

  • top ten list of what to do and what not to do in relationships

  • to all the men ill never love again

  • to all the men i ll never love again

  • to love forever

  • trekshare com crashing a wedding in laos part 1

  • trust in marriage

  • trust starts with you

  • two hearts are now one

  • uncontested divorce how thinking about an uncontested divorce figures into your decision about divorce

  • uniforms

  • unintended consequences

  • using pain to institute change in your life

  • vasectomy reversal a personal story

  • warning signs your guy may be a mr wrong instead of mr right

  • weddings for the guests of honor the bride and groom

  • weddings you are not who i married yesterday

  • wedding invitationstodays etiquette and wording

  • wedding reception seating tips

  • western wedding done dirt cheap

  • we all need a father figure to lean on

  • whats it all about

  • what 10 things divorced parent should do to promote positive child adjustment

  • what 3 greatest gift you can give to your children by co parenting

  • what are fathers rights

  • what causes separation anxiety in children

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for an infant

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for preschoolers

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for school age children

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for toddlers

  • what is it all about

  • what is reflexology

  • what is the first thing to say when you want a divorce

  • what its all about

  • what makes cheating spouses cheat

  • what parents should do for children to do their best after divorce

  • what women want

  • what you can do as a non raging mate to either fix the relationship or forget it

  • when not to begin potty training

  • when renting is better than buying

  • when somethings not right about your career part vi vi second chance

  • when the kids wont listen

  • where does one start to succeed when nothing is working

  • whose decision

  • whos helping our grieving children cope with katrina

  • who says life doesnt repeat itself

  • who says online datings only for losers

  • who should relocate in a long distance relationship

  • who wants to be rich

  • why arent you using this marriage saving tip

  • why are russian women so popular learn the secrets

  • why are there so many fat kids

  • why does god permit wickedness and suffering part 2

  • why do cheating spouses cheat

  • why do men cheat

  • why is desperate housewives so popular

  • why men cheat

  • why men wont commit to marriage

  • why receive christian pre marital counseling

  • why women should worry about retirement more than men

  • widen and deepen your relationships get to the good stuff

  • winning my battle with anxiety

  • wise women money quiz how money wise are you

  • woman thou art great

  • women and divorce how women should protect themselves financially regarding divorce

  • women and pensions what women need to know and do

  • women and workplace stress its more than the job

  • women and workplace stress it s more than the job

  • women in sindh

  • women in transition

  • women in transition from post feminism to past femininity

  • women in transition from post feminism to past femininity part ii

  • women who wear the pants in the family

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  • writing the chapters of your life surprising insights using this special journaling technique

  • yesterday today and tomorrow

  • your beloved soldier is coming home now what

  • your children should not suffer because of divorce

  • you can either have fun or make money not when you use emotional intelligence

  • you can either have fun or you can make money not when you use your emotional intelligence

  • you can improve your relationship