|
|
|
Catch-22
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 16, 2004
I have been married for a little over seven years, with one 2-year-old son and another on the way. Over time, I believe my wife and I have grown apart. Sexually, we never connected.
...
Does Marriage Counseling Work?
Article source: National Directory of Family and Marriage Counselors at www.counsel-search.com When considering marriage counseling, it's difficult not to wonder whether seeing a marriage counselor will actually work. This article provides some...
Living in the Clouds
I have a sister of whom I am very proud. After the kids were grown she found herself divorced after years of unhappy marraige. So she went back to work. She found the job market brutal after all those years as a housewife, but she stuck with it,...
The Power To Succeed
It’s amazing how we fool ourselves... while at the same time believing we are doing what’s best.
Let me give you an example. I overheard a guy telling a group of friends, over drinks, how he had become fed-up with work. Guys being guys, they...
Too Many Divorces
My oldest boy asked me something the other day about all the news regarding the high divorce rate. I told him there aren't too many divorces, there's too many marriages. Most people get married without really knowing who they are marrying or...
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Why Do Cheating Spouses Cheat?
Have you ever wondered what makes cheating spouses cheat in the first place? They certainly didn't get married with the intention of being unfaithful to their spouse, so why did they do it?
Many "infidelity experts" on the internet these days are offering solutions on how to find PROOF that will expose your spouse or catch them "in the act". But instead of putting 100% of your effort in finding solid proof, your energy would be better spent understanding what went wrong in your marriage.
It's fairly common for "chronic" cheating spouses to give up on a relationship the moment things start to become a little difficult.
Rather than admitting and accepting that there's a problem in their marriage, they look for someone else to fulfill their needs. These "needs" could be anything from a physical connection to strictly intellectual relations leading to an emotional affair.
Affairs take place because one spouse's needs are no longer being met by their partner. Cheating spouses are then drawn to someone else who WILL (temporarily) meet those needs.
What increases the chance of an affair taking place is when a man marries a woman who idealizes love and spends her whole life going in and out of marriages in search of her "perfect soul mate".
Soul mates may exist in romance movies but in real life, it takes work to create a lasting relationship.
Like it or not, marriage is WORK...but it doesn't have to be "hard" work.
If you want win your spouse over after an affair, you need to know how to meet his/her needs.
Every couple goes into marriage with expectations of each other that are NEVER CLEARLY DISCUSSED simply because they don't REALLY understand, nor can they clearly explain what their own expectations are...let alone their spouses!
Cheating spouses cheat because they're in search of unmet, yet unspoken deep emotional needs. It's as simple as this.....
If YOU aren't meeting your spouse's needs, they will find SOMEONE ELSE who WILL!
This fact is also one of the reasons why most affairs don't last. Let me explain...
When your spouse met this other man/woman, they THOUGHT that
this other person was meeting their needs, but what was really happening is they were blinded by the "Romance" stage of a relationship.
You and your spouse went through this stage also. If you think back to the beginning of your relationship, you may not have noticed at the time, but the two of you were on your BEST behavior.
Looking back, it might even seem like your spouse was a different person back then.
The reason?
There is actually a chemical released in your brain that makes you feel "infatuated" with this other person. It would even be safe to say that cheating spouses can't think straight when they're caught up in this "biological phenomenon".
This is also why some couples make irrational decisions early in their relationship, like going off to Las Vegas and getting married on a whim. Down the road, after the Romance stage of their relationship is over, many of these couples eventually get divorced.
So if you're worried that your cheating spouse is "in love" with this other person, chances are, the affair is VERY short lived...which means you STILL have a chance to win over your spouse!
You owe it to yourself (and your children if you have them) to give your marriage a second chance. In fact, here's a statistic that might give you some inspiration....
A study from the Institute for American Values found that "almost eight out of 10 couples who avoided divorce were happily married five years later."
If you can just get over this affair, this obstacle in your marriage, and start meeting each other's needs, I promise you, your marriage will be much stronger and more fulfilling than it was...even BEFORE the affair took place.
About the Author
After working with couples for over 11 years, Larry Bilotta discovered the path that ALL couples travel when headed for divorce. This "map", called "The Secret Path to Divorce", shows you how to recognize the WARNING SIGNS that lead to divorce...before it's too late to save your marriage. Get your FREE Report at http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com
|
|
|
|
|
| divorce.co.uk - advice on mediation, counselling and legal aspects ... |
| An overview of divorce in the UK, including the law, mediation options and emotional support, from Mills & Reeve. |
| www.divorce.co.uk |
|
| Divorce Magazine, information about separation and divorce |
| Divorce Magazine is a compassionate self-help resource for people in need of information about separation and divorce. |
| www.divorcemag.com |
|
| Divorce - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the ... A decree of divorce is initially granted 'nisi', i.e. (unless cause is later ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
|
| DivorceNet - Divorce Net: Family Law Information, Solutions, News ... |
| DivorceNet® is the Internet's largest divorce resource, offering state-specific articles, an online community and a nationwide directory of divorce lawyers, ... |
| www.divorcenet.com |
|
| The Divorce Support Page: Divorce, Child Custody, Alimony, Support ... |
| a support site for people experiencing, divorce, dissolution, separation, custody, alimony, visitation, etc. Divorce professionals to help you in your area. |
| www.divorcesupport.com |
|
| Divorce Source: a legal resource for divorce, custody, alimony ... |
| A state specific divorce web site providing information and referrals for people facing and experiencing issues revolving around divorce, separation, ... |
| www.divorcesource.com |
|
| DivorceInfo Surviving Divorce Managing Lawyers Alimony Child Support |
| Divorceinfo -Survive your divorce with some money in your pocket and your dignity intact. |
| www.divorceinfo.com |
|
| Divorce - Wex |
| An overview of divorce law with links to key primary and secondary sources, from Cornell University's Legal Information Institute. |
| www.law.cornell.edu |
|
| MedlinePlus: Divorce |
| Children; Children and Divorce (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry) ... Select services and providers for Divorce in your area. ... |
| www.nlm.nih.gov |
|
| Divorce Aid :: Online Guide to UK Divorce Law, Information and Advice |
| The largest free online interactive divorce resource in the UK for divorce law, advice, emotional support, counselling, mediation, and website for ... |
| www.divorceaid.co.uk |
|
| Divorce-Online :The UK's leading low cost divorce service |
| The largest free online divorce and separation resource in the UK with information, forums, chat, experts and articles. |
| www.divorce-online.co.uk |
|
| How to Divorce As Friends - Featured on Oprah - Bill Ferguson |
| Advice, recommended books, and telephone counseling to help couples resolve difficult issues connected with divorce or even save their marriage. |
| www.divorceasfriends.com |
|
| Welcome To Divorce Online ~ www.divorceonline.com |
| An electronic journal providing information and referrals for people facing divorce. |
| www.divorceonline.com |
|
| Federal Magistrates Court - On-line Application for Divorce |
| In the short-term, please use the Application for Divorce form which can be found at ... Our E-mail address for family law enquiries (including divorce) is ... |
| www.divorce.gov.au |
|
| DivorceCare: Divorce Recovery Support Groups |
| DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce. |
| www.divorcecare.com |
|
| Divorce Central Home Page |
| Links to divorce-related resources, organized by state, with an archive of articles and interviews. |
| www.divorcecentral.com |
|
| Divorce Helpline — tools to keep you out of court |
| Providing information about divorce, and referrals to family law attorneys. |
| www.divorcehelp.com |
|
| Divorce and relationship breakdown : Directgov - Parents |
| Advice on counselling, mediation and the divorce process, including where to find a solicitor. |
| www.direct.gov.uk |
|
| Americans for Divorce Reform, Inc. |
| John Crouch speaks about divorce law reform and presents a paper by John Crouch and Richard ... To find out how to work on divorce reform in your state ... |
| www.divorcereform.org |
|
| Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save ... |
| Divorce is not the answer to marriage problems. Stop your divorce and save your marriage with advice from Michele Weiner-Davis. |
| www.divorcebusting.com |
|
|