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Are You Speaking the Same Language in Your Office?
The other day I was talking with a client who was looking for a partner and using one of the online dating services. She had requested someone who “liked traditional roles,” and was finding all sorts of surprises when she talked with the gentlemen...

Dealing With A Gassy Baby
Does your baby yell and cry non-stop without any apparent reason? Excessive gas in a newborn baby could be the culprit. Gassy and colicky babies present a perpetual challenge to their parents. Welcome to the rocky world of parenting. Gassy...

Hair Replacement And Restoration Techniques
There has been a great deal of progress in the field of hair replacement and restoration in the past few years. Surgical techniques have improved greatly from the days when hair replacement first began. All hair replacement techniques involve the...

Movin' On: Taking Transhumanism In Stride
Back in the seventies, we watched "The Six Million Dollar Man", a popular television show about a trained agent who was critically injured and given the gift of technology--bionic legs and super vision. Lee Majors portrayed a man capable of...

Your Mission Field At Work
One point many Christian Working Moms who have been interviewed have made is that they are a shining light in their work place. Whether or not you can speak openly about your faith at work, your co-workers are watching. Are they seeing Jesus in...

 
Second Time Around the Block

Second Time Around The Block

Divorce happens. I'm not going to debate the causes or the moral and ethical implications of that here. Even if you're the innocent one who stuck to your vows and got dumped anyway, you still have to pick yourself up and move on. So let's start from that place. At some point you will wrestle within yourself and within your spiritual and religious beliefs as to whether or not you will date again. This article is for those of you who have decided that yes, you are going to date again and maybe even get married again. You've decided to give love a second chance.

In order to improve your odds at succeeding, you need to consider your timing. If your goal is to find true love and to have a wonderful long-term relationship with someone, then for your new partner's sake you must have worked through your issues over the last one. You may be dying inside, feeling incredibly vulnerable, alone, and needy. That's the time when it's easiest to reach out clutching at the first person who comes along that looks like they might be a decent fit into your world. Those rebound relationships seldom work out. Even if through your pain and misery you did manage to pick the ideal mate for yourself, you are still going to have emotions around your old partner. The new partner has to endure watching you ache and hurt for a marriage that's over. If you truly loved your spouse, even if you're the one who asked for the divorce, then you're going to have feelings of remorse and a need to mourn what is dead and gone. Ideally, you wouldn't have married them in the first place if you didn't truly love them and you have to on some level have expected 'happily ever after.' Even if you stayed too long and had time to process through the emotions of wanting to leave, you still have a good chance of feeling like you've failed at something so incredibly important. It can be excruciating to fall madly in love with someone and have to postpone the 'honeymoon' stage of the relationship because your new love is processing through all of this stuff and really isn't able to completely submerge themselves into the beauty of falling in love with you.

If you can't wait until after you've really healed from all of those little triggers and such that keep going off in your head and heart, then at least be honest with your new partner and let them know where you really are in the process. You owe them that much. Give your new partner the truth as to where you are mentally so they can make an informed decision about whether or not they want to enter into a full time one on one relationship with you at this moment in time. You don't have to be completely alone though either. Perhaps you could continue dating lightly as friends and they can be a wonderful source of inspiration and a great ego booster during your recovery. Then down the road when you've gotten yourself in a place where you can really open your eyes and your heart to completely focus on creating a new relationship, then you can make


a commitment. I think the key here is being really clear with yourself as to where you are in the whole thing and also trusting your new partner enough to tell them the truth.

When you do get to that place that you are able to really focus on someone else and you're truly ready to fall in love, then there's some other things to consider. It's only natural that each of our relationships shapes us and effects who we become on some level. How many of us have little quirks that arose due to past loves? Perhaps you were with someone abusive and now every time someone even raises their voice during an argument, red flags start going off and you start panicking. Perhaps you worked your tail off day and night to financially support a high maintenance princess and now you shutter every time your new girlfriend talks about needing more money to pay the utilities. Perhaps your partner forced you into sexual acts that weren't in your best interest and now you have some hang ups in the bedroom. These are all very natural and normal reactions. We are adaptable creatures that typically learn from our mistakes and try to not repeat bad circumstances. So why wouldn't we be cautious in the future? I'm simply suggesting that you sit with these thoughts for a while and make sure that you are not being unfair to your new partner. Are you punishing them for things that your ex did to you? Are you living your life as though the new person is exactly the same as the old one? Are you unconsciously creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and forcing your new partner to play out a role that your spouse played? Just look at these things and be aware. It can really make the difference between repeating another bad marriage and having a successful second chance at love.

One last thought which is sort of the flip side to the one just mentioned. Sometimes we don't realize that we try to repeat the good things from our old relationship with the new partner. For example, taking them on the exact same romantic weekend and trying to relive the wonder of the first time with the first partner. Sometimes we don't realize that we make unfair comparisons, "Well my first wife always had my dinner on the table when I came home." "Well my first husband knew how to fix the car so that we didn't have to pay a mechanic to do it." Don't look to recreate the first marriage. Instead, remember that this is a unique and different relationship with a unique and different partner. Love them for who they are.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. Go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net to read more of her articles and to get a free preview of one of her books.


 

Ethics Updates Home Page. Moral theory; relativism; pluralism ...
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ethics.sandiego.edu
 
Ethics Resource Center: Celebrating 85 Years of Ethics Surveying ...
The Ethics Resource Center (ERC) is a non-profit, non-partisan research and survey organization in Washington, DC, dedicated to the study and promotion of ...
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Ethics - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
One form of applied ethics applies normative ethical theories to specific ... There are several sub-branches of applied ethics examining the ethical ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
Ethics
Quarterly international journal of moral, political, and legal philosophy. Edited by John Deigh, and published by the University of Chicago Press.
www.journals.uchicago.edu
 
Ethics, Electronic Edition
(ET ISSUES AVAILABLE ONLY SINCE VOLUME 112 NO 1). Help with Searching the Ethics Electronic Edition. Help with Access to the Ethics Electronic Edition ...
www.journals.uchicago.edu
 
Ethics [Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy]
Describes the field and its division in metaethics, normative ethics, and applied ethics. By James Fieser.
www.iep.utm.edu
 
JSTOR: Ethics
JSTOR provides a digital archive of the print version of Ethics . ... Founded in 1890, Ethics is an international journal of moral, political, ...
www.jstor.org
 
Institute for Global Ethics | Home Page
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Business Ethics Articles from George S. May International Company ... Links to other e-business ethics articles can also be found at this site. ...
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onlineethics.org
 
Title Page: Spinoza's Ethics / Elwes Translation
Ethics Demonstrated in Geometric Order AND DIVIDED INTO FIVE PARTS, ... This edition of the Ethics utilizes internal hypertext coding to faciilitate the ...
www.mtsu.edu
 
APA Ethics Office: Ethics Information
American Psychological Association sanctioned resources for ethics in psychology, including guidelines for human and animal studies, rules and procedures, ...
www.apa.org
 
Aristotle's Ethics (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)
Discussion of Aristotle's ethical views; by Richard Kraut.
plato.stanford.edu
 
IEEE Code of Ethics
Code of ethics for members.
www.ieee.org
 
st james ethics centre - imagine a more ethical world ...
Not-for-profit organisation which provides a non-judgemental forum for the promotion and exploration of ethics.
www.ethics.org.au
 
Markkula Center for Applied Ethics at Santa Clara University ...
The Markkula Center for Applied Ethics at Santa Clara University is one of the preeminent centers for research and dialogue on ethical issues in critical ...
www.scu.edu
 
Poynter Online - Ethics
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ACM: Code of Ethics
Code of Ethics and Professional Conduct.
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ethics.senate.gov
 
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