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For the Love of Mommy
For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding experiences that you will have in your life. It can also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being a “mommy”. Maintaining an...
Four Tips To Help You Set And Enforce Family Boundaries
A healthy sense of self comes from clear personal and family
boundaries. Much like physical structures that define space,
boundaries are what define us from one another. Healthy
boundaries are integral to how we find privacy, personal respect...
Television - The Great SATAN!
I’ve often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will marvel at the devotion the 21st century Earthlings had to their household gods. Excavation will show these deities in virtually every home, obviously objects of devotion, the focal...
The Planning of a Bridal Shower!
Planning a bridal shower? Maybe a dear friend or even sister is getting married and you are in charge of planning the bridal shower? Bridal showers are customary and traditional. They aren't all about the bridal shower gifts though! They are a way...
Treasure Your Family Memories: Inspiration in Unexpected Places
A Saturday morning expedition with the kids brought me an unexpected surprise. Certainly I had some expectations of our outing to the "Healthy Kids Day" at the local YMCA. Mildly entertained children, yes. Gentle reminders to make healthier...
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Caretaking Parents, Entitled Kids
Demanding children – children who have entitlement issues – seem to be common these days. Like the obnoxious child, Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, who was constantly demanding that her father get her whatever she wanted (“I want an Umpa Lumpa! Get it for me NOW!”), we hear many children today uttering the fairly constant refrain, “I want ….! Give it to me! Get it for me, now!” They seem to be masters at instilling guilt in their parents through phrases such as “It’s not fair!” or “You don’t love me!” or “What about what I want?”, or by getting angry, shutting down or crying piteously.
Why are there so many demanding children?
Olivia grew up with a self-centered demanding critical mother who never let her have her feelings. Olivia learned early to take responsibility for her mother’s feelings by being a good girl. Now, as a parent herself, and not wanting to do to her children what her mother did to her, she has gone the other way. Rather than being demanding and self-centered, she is compliant and self-sacrificing. Rather than being an authoritarian parent like her mother was, she is a permissive parent, giving in to her children’s demands rather than setting appropriate limits.
Olivia tends to give much to much credence to her children’s feelings. All they need to do is be upset about something and she stops what she is doing to attend to them. They have learned to use their feelings of hurt, irritation and anger as a means of control. Olivia thinks she is being loving when she makes it “safe” for her children to express their feelings. The problem is she is not discerning the difference between having feelings and using feelings as a means of control. Because she gives her children’s feelings so much importance, her children have learned to use their feelings against her.
Olivia’s children need to learn to care about Olivia instead of just trying to get her to give herself up to meet their demands. The only way they will learn to care about her is if she learns to care about herself.
Demanding children are difficult to be around. They have a hard time keeping friends and as adults they create chaotic relationships. So let’s take a hard look at what we need to do to support caring in children rather than self-centeredness. Authoritarian parenting often creates compliant/caretaking children, while permissive parenting seems to create narcissistic children. Neither authoritarian nor
permissive parenting is loving parenting – parenting that supports the highest good of both children and parents. Let’s break the cycle of creating caretakers and takers. As parents, we need to learn to:
- Take loving care of ourselves rather than constantly give ourselves up to our children’s needs and feelings.
- Set appropriate limits rather than always complying with our children’s demands.
- Care about our own feelings as much as we care about our children’s feelings.
- Not allow our feelings and needs to be invisible to our family.
- Accept rejection from our children rather than give in to them to avoid being rejected.
- Learn to discern the difference between children’s feelings that need to be attended to and feelings that are being used to manipulate.
- Expect to be appreciated and respected rather than accept being taken for granted.
It is not a matter of swinging back to authoritarian parenting. It is a matter of expecting to be treated with respect and caring. Your children will learn to treat you the way you treat yourself. If you allow your feelings and needs to be invisible because you are not attending to them or making them important to you, your children will learn to see you and others as invisible. Children who see themselves as important and others as invisible because this is what their parents are role-modeling may become narcissistic, self-centered, demanding children.
It is not easy to move out of caretaking and into caring about yourself and others. Caretaking others was likely a form of survival when you were growing up. Yet to truly be a loving parent, you need to have the courage to behave in a way that fosters caring and consideration in your children, and this will never happen if you consistently put yourself aside for others.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
margaret@innerbonding.com
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Family.org |
Offers practical help for marriage and child-rearing. Recent magazine articles, letters from Dr. James Dobson, news, and RealAudio broadcasts. |
www.family.org |
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FamilyFun: Fun stuff for Kids, Parents - and More Family Fun |
Family Fun is your online source for arts and crafts, recipes, and parties for every holiday, plus hundreds of ideas for kid crafts, birthday cakes, ... |
familyfun.go.com |
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Family.ca |
Take polls, rant and rave on Canada's family broadcaster site. Full of shockwave games, animation and information about the shows they carry. |
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Family.com - closed beta |
Features a to do list, calendar, and recommended sites for health, shopping, and recipes. |
family.go.com |
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FamilySearch.org - Family History and Genealogy Records |
Search for family ancestors. Billions of free family tree, family history, ancestry, genealogy and census records. |
www.familysearch.org |
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Family - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
A family consists of a domestic group of people (or a number of domestic groups), ... Members of the nuclear family use descriptive kinship terms: ... |
en.wikipedia.org |
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Family (biology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
The concept of rank at that time was still in statu nascendi, and in the preface to the Prodromus Magnol spoke of uniting his families into larger genera, ... |
en.wikipedia.org |
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Family Guy |
The official Family Guy website with everything you ever wanted to know about the show and more. |
www.familyguy.com |
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Parenting advice, child development and family reference at ... |
FamilyEducation.com provides parents with educational printables, games, activities, parenting ideas, tips, family advice, and information on learning ... |
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Family Life Today |
FamilyLife, a division of Campus Crusade for Christ, provides practical, biblical tools to strengthen marriage and family relationships, including the ... |
www.familylife.com |
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WorldVillage - A Family Friendly Portal for Families, Kids, Adults ... |
WorldVillage is for families, kids, adults, parents and teachers. Features include coupon codes, online games, downloads, internet monitoring and internet ... |
www.worldvillage.com |
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Open Directory - Home: Family |
Family Check-up - Provides assessment activities and access to educational materials related to family health with respect to family life, finances, ... |
dmoz.org |
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Free Family Ecards, Family Greeting Cards, Family Greetings, Cards ... |
Express your appreciation to your family/ loved ones for all that they have ... Reach out to your friend/ family/ loved one and let them know how much you ... |
cards.123greetings.com |
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kids and family news articles - arizona education - arizona family ... |
Family News Articles - azcentral.com provides articles and reports on Arizona education and Arizona family events. |
www.azcentral.com |
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Google Directory - Home > Family |
Many articles dealing with a wide range of topics from single parenting, family life, child development and stress management. ... |
www.google.com |
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Family Research Council: Wednesday, December 6, 2006 |
Christian organization promoting the traditional family unit and the Judeo-Christian value system upon which it is built. Provides links, commentary, news, ... |
www.frc.org |
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Sesame Workshop - Home Page |
The non-profit educational organization behind the show and related educational outreach. |
www.sesameworkshop.org |
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National Sex Offender Registry |
Free national US search for registered sex offenders. Map registered sex offenders to see who lives in your area. |
www.familywatchdog.us |
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FHI Family Health International |
Provides the highest quality research, education and services in family planning, STDs/HIV and family health to improve the health and well-being of ... |
www.fhi.org |
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National Family Caregivers Association |
Caregiving advocacy organization with tips and statistics on caregiving in America. |
www.nfcacares.org |
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