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A New Take on Family Game Night
A New Take on Family Game Night Product Review of Madagascar Animal Trivia DVD Game by Lisa M. Hendey, Eric Hendey and Adam Hendey Our family loves to play games together, but it can be trying at times to ensure “fairness” and a good time had by...
Creating a Safer Home and Community for Your Family
(ARA) - One of the best parts of living in a community you love is knowing that it is a safe and healthy place for your family and neighbors. Having a safe neighborhood is important to all of us. But most communities are subject to some safety...
Helping Your Family Survive a Home Makeover
Helping Your Family Survive a Home Makeover An Author Interview with Laura Jensen Walker, This Old Dump: Renovate Without Decking Your Mate By Lisa M. Hendey The Hendey family has been caught up in the home improvement craze for years, but our...
Welcome an Adopted Baby into the Family with an Adoption Baby Shower
The addition of a new child to a family is a wonderous occasion! An adopted baby is just as much a miracle as any other and should be celebrated as such. And all babies need “stuff”, even an adopted child, so having an adoption baby shower for...
Where Else Would You Take the Family for St. Patrick's Day?
Dia dhuit, hello! “The road from Chicago to Ireland is marked in green,” they say, and the annual dying of the Chicago River emerald green is described as “right up there with the parting of the sea by Moses and the Pyramids of Egypt.” Well, what’s...
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Rediscovering Love and Intimacy
Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of 14 years, had just expressed to her that he wanted to end their relationship. Wendy, terrified of being alone, was panicked. Within a few minutes of speaking with her in a phone session, I understood exactly the underlying cause of their relationship problems.
Wendy, coming from a family where she experienced much neglect, had a deep abandonment fear. In her family, Wendy had learned to be a caretaker, giving herself up and taking care of everyone else’s feelings and needs. Wendy had learned to put her own feelings in a closet, hoping that if she took care of everyone else, someone would care about her. As an adult, she continued in this pattern, taking care of her husband and children but completely neglecting to take care of herself. As a result, she was often very angry at Terence and her children when they didn’t listen to her or approve of her.
People often end up treating us the way we treat ourselves. Because Wendy was treating herself as if she was unimportant, Terence and her children also treated her as if she was unimportant. Because Wendy didn’t listen to herself, Terence and her children didn’t listen to her. Her fury at Terence and her children for not seeing her or listening to her further alienated them from her. Terence had reached the point where he was no longer willing to be at the other end of Wendy’s anger.
Rather than take emotional responsibility for her own well being, Wendy was making Terence and her children emotionally responsible for her. She was abandoning herself, just as her parents had abandoned her, and was expecting Terence to give her what she never received from her parents.
Terence was also not taking emotional responsibility. He had spent much of their marriage trying to make Wendy happy while ignoring his own feelings and needs. He vacillated between compliance and resistance. When he complied, Wendy felt better but he felt terrible from the sense of loss of himself. When he resisted, Wendy felt rejected and became enraged. Terence ended up feeling like he was a victim of Wendy. He blamed her for his misery and felt he no alternative but to leave.
I ended up working with both Wendy and Terence. Through working with the Six Step Inner Bonding process that we teach, Wendy learned to attend to her abandonment feelings herself rather than go after
Terence or her children when these feelings came up. She learned that she was being self responsible rather than selfish when she took responsibility for her own feelings of safety, worth, lovability, happiness and joy, rather than making Terence responsible for making her feel safe and worthy. She learned that when she embraced the responsibility of listening to and taking responsibility for her own feelings, she no longer felt abandoned or angry.
Terence learned that he had another option other than compliance or resistance. He learned to take responsibility for his own feelings by telling Wendy his truth when she yelled at him or blamed him. Instead of being a victim, he learned to stand up for himself and set loving limits on how Wendy was treating him. He learned to say, “I don’t like being yelled at. I don’t want to be with you when you are yelling at me and blaming me for your feelings. If you can’t treat me with caring and respect, then I don’t want to talk with you or spend time with you. I don’t like being with you when you treat me this way.”
At first, Terence was reluctant to say these things to Wendy. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her his truth. He felt his truth was harsh and that he would be unloving if he said these things. However, when he was willing to take the risk of speaking his truth, he found that Wendy was actually grateful to receive the truth. Rather than getting angry and hurt, she appreciated his honesty, and told him that he was helping her to learn and grow by telling her his truth.
Terence ended up not leaving. Over a period of a year of doing their inner work, their relationship completely changed. In fact, he and Wendy have achieved a new level of love and intimacy in their relationship, beyond what they had when they first fell in love.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
margaret@innerbonding.com
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Family.org |
Offers practical help for marriage and child-rearing. Recent magazine articles, letters from Dr. James Dobson, news, and RealAudio broadcasts. |
www.family.org |
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FamilyFun: Fun stuff for Kids, Parents - and More Family Fun |
Family Fun is your online source for arts and crafts, recipes, and parties for every holiday, plus hundreds of ideas for kid crafts, birthday cakes, ... |
familyfun.go.com |
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Family.ca |
Take polls, rant and rave on Canada's family broadcaster site. Full of shockwave games, animation and information about the shows they carry. |
www.family.ca |
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Family.com - closed beta |
Features a to do list, calendar, and recommended sites for health, shopping, and recipes. |
family.go.com |
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FamilySearch.org - Family History and Genealogy Records |
Search for family ancestors. Billions of free family tree, family history, ancestry, genealogy and census records. |
www.familysearch.org |
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Family - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
A family consists of a domestic group of people (or a number of domestic groups), ... Members of the nuclear family use descriptive kinship terms: ... |
en.wikipedia.org |
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Family (biology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
The concept of rank at that time was still in statu nascendi, and in the preface to the Prodromus Magnol spoke of uniting his families into larger genera, ... |
en.wikipedia.org |
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Family Guy |
The official Family Guy website with everything you ever wanted to know about the show and more. |
www.familyguy.com |
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Parenting advice, child development and family reference at ... |
FamilyEducation.com provides parents with educational printables, games, activities, parenting ideas, tips, family advice, and information on learning ... |
www.familyeducation.com |
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Family Life Today |
FamilyLife, a division of Campus Crusade for Christ, provides practical, biblical tools to strengthen marriage and family relationships, including the ... |
www.familylife.com |
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WorldVillage - A Family Friendly Portal for Families, Kids, Adults ... |
WorldVillage is for families, kids, adults, parents and teachers. Features include coupon codes, online games, downloads, internet monitoring and internet ... |
www.worldvillage.com |
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Open Directory - Home: Family |
Family Check-up - Provides assessment activities and access to educational materials related to family health with respect to family life, finances, ... |
dmoz.org |
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Free Family Ecards, Family Greeting Cards, Family Greetings, Cards ... |
Express your appreciation to your family/ loved ones for all that they have ... Reach out to your friend/ family/ loved one and let them know how much you ... |
cards.123greetings.com |
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kids and family news articles - arizona education - arizona family ... |
Family News Articles - azcentral.com provides articles and reports on Arizona education and Arizona family events. |
www.azcentral.com |
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Google Directory - Home > Family |
Many articles dealing with a wide range of topics from single parenting, family life, child development and stress management. ... |
www.google.com |
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Family Research Council: Wednesday, December 6, 2006 |
Christian organization promoting the traditional family unit and the Judeo-Christian value system upon which it is built. Provides links, commentary, news, ... |
www.frc.org |
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Sesame Workshop - Home Page |
The non-profit educational organization behind the show and related educational outreach. |
www.sesameworkshop.org |
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National Sex Offender Registry |
Free national US search for registered sex offenders. Map registered sex offenders to see who lives in your area. |
www.familywatchdog.us |
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FHI Family Health International |
Provides the highest quality research, education and services in family planning, STDs/HIV and family health to improve the health and well-being of ... |
www.fhi.org |
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National Family Caregivers Association |
Caregiving advocacy organization with tips and statistics on caregiving in America. |
www.nfcacares.org |
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