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Beauty Tip: Foundation Secrets For A Flawless Complexion
1. For a natural look your foundation must match your skin tone. Test foundations along your jawline. You will know the best color because it will disappear into your skin.
2. Spread foundation on your hands and pat it on your face, then...
Big Fine Women
Sometimes those of us of the male persuasion don’t like to admit things that we hold deep inside for fear that we’ll be made fun of. All of you men out there know exactly what I mean - if we admit we like to burp loudly, then we’re accused of...
Charming Trends in Jewelry
Fashions that owners and their dogs can share.
The wearing of charms dates back to 400 or 500 BC, when they were believed to hold special powers -- particularly the power of protection. By the 1890's charms had evolved into a fashion...
It Won't Grow Back Tomorrow
I remember clearly the day that I had my ultrasound, and the technician informed my husband and I that we had a baby girl on her way to join us in this world. That very day, my husband made clear that our daughter would not get a haircut until she...
There Are Always Time For Women Shoes Shopping
It has been known for centuries that women have been dressing up since long time ago and will be for centuries to come that they also going to wear different kind of shoes. When there are a crowed of women, there are always be some interesting...
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I Yelled at My Kids
I really hadn't meant to yell. But the aftermath
of it lay before me. My son was a wimpering mess
on the floor and my daughter sat statue-like on
the chair in front of me.
As I sat there considering my next move, it
occurred to me that I needed to do something
quickly.
The deafening sound of silence reminded all of us
that an ugly moment had just occurred. And a voice
inside me continued to insist that my kids were at
fault.
"OK, you two, I'm sorry I yelled like that, what a
dumb thing to do!" As I moved toward my son, it
became evident that he wanted no part of me. "Get
away from me!" he shouted.
I thought better of telling him not to yell at me,
so I did the only thing I could think of doing.
"Crabby Daddy is back," I proclaimed as I
transformed my hands into pincers and crawled in
crab-like fashion towards them. "I love to yell at
children, then eat them!"
My son continued to yell at me to go away, but now
he was laughing and crying simultaneously. My
mission to undo the damage my yelling had caused
was underway. I’d been able to recover quickly
this time, but I knew that this moment would be
remembered for awhile.
Most importantly, I wanted to remember what had
really happened. What happened was that I wasn’t
disciplined. I failed to control my emotions in a
way that my children could emulate.
Were my children misbehaving? Absolutely. Is there
a part of me that wants to blame them and let them
know how badly they were acting? No question. But
this is the part of me that serves my ego. It
shows my children how to avoid responsibility and
blame others. It’s not my “best self.”
And it’s our best self which we must always search
for when we’re with our children.
Our kids don’t need perfect parents, and they
won’t get them. But they do need parents who
strive to get better. I’m reminded of the words of
Emerson, who said, “When a man lives with God, his
voice shall be as sweet as the
murmur of the brook
and the rustle of the corn.”
If in our lifetime we could speak to our kids with
a voice this sweet, it would be enough.
But until we reach this level, what should we do
after we yell at our kids?
Here are five ideas:
1.Recover quickly – Recovering emotionally (or
faking your recovery) will make it much easier on
your children and show them how to be resilient
themselves.
2.Apologize, but don’t overdo it – It’s important
to say you’re sorry, but don’t dwell on it and
don’t show signs of pity. This will help create a
victim of your child faster than the drop of a
hat.
3.Avoid finding ways to blame them – It’s
incredibly easy to blame your kids when you’re
angry. It’s OK to say, “When I saw you hit your
brother I felt angry,” but avoid saying, “You made
me angry.” You’re responsible for your own
anger—teach this to your children.
4.Process the incident with them – Children can
be traumatized by yelling, and it helps to talk
about what happened for each of them. Ask them
questions about it and allow them a chance to talk
about it if they’d like.
5.Don’t beat yourself up about it – You don’t
have to envision your kids twenty years from now
telling their therapist how you screwed up their
life! Kids are pretty resilient and they’ll
recover, especially if you follow these steps and
keep working on yourself.
While we’re not perfect, we can still search for
the voice as “sweet as the murmur of the brook and
the rustle of the corn.”
It might even keep your kids out of the
therapists’ chair.
About the Author
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers
and husbands. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally
Intelligent Fathers” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm
For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE
bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at
http://www.markbrandenburg.com.
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