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He Loved Me To Death! Invisible Scars Left Undone!
Many times we classify the severity of abuse by the amount of black eyes or broken bones that we can see, often overlooking the massive, long lasting effects of Domestic Violence, the damage that is not evident to the naked eye yet reaches to the...

Home For The Holidays: Avoid Aging Parents Becoming A Burden
By not planning for the future we guarantee that we will leave our children with a tremendous burden. Just about the time they are preparing for their own retirement and their children's college education, adult children often are overwhelmed...

Living Together Without Marriage Improves Men’s Mental Health
When a man lives with a woman, without benefit of marriage, it will improve a man’s health, but for women being married, will make them happier. A study in England of thousands of women and men found that people who went through the good and bad...

Stages
The families and friends of the Columbia astronauts are facing their day with courageous honesty. The woe-draped merry-go-round of stages and phases enters their lives with unsettling force. Stages The families and friends of the Columbia...

You Want to be a Stay-At-Home Parent
The subject of stay-at-home parenting is touchy, and emotionally tangled up in a maelstrom of emotion, advertising, society pressure, culture demands, and personal beliefs. When you have a mixture of that many ingredients swirling around, the result...

 
After Christmas Letdown?

“You gotta pay the price,” one of my clients is always telling me. She’s referring to what is a law of physics, and also the way things work – what goes up must come down.

The higher your Christmas, the more exciting, chaotic and tumultuous, the more likely you’ll be tumbling down just as far. Why? According to psychneuroimmunologist (big word meaning the effect of brain and emotions on health, i.e., immunology), Paul Pearsall, Ph.D., our smart bodies want to establish equilibrium. Picture a graph on a midline. The midline is calm, routine. We can get very happy and go up; or very unhappy and go down. Therefore, if our emotions go way up, there will come a time when our inner wisdom brings us down low, so we settle back into that middle space.

Does this mean if you have a terrible grief or depression, you can expect to be that happy at some time in the future? I’ve seen it happen. It’s a tenet of Emotional Intelligence that if you don’t fully experience one emotion, you stuff down ALL emotions. In other words, if you face grief and go through it, not around it, you will carve out a space to be filled with happiness. If you don’t, you shut down, and become numb, in which case you don’t feel the bad, but you also don’t feel the good, and greatly limit your experience of life.

So, if you’re having a “down” period now what do you do? First of all, accept it. You can last it out. To speed it on its way:

1.Get active. Exercise an extra hour. It creates physical energy, it clears the mind, and flushes out toxic emotions. Do it especially if you don’t feel like it.

2.If you’re an introvert you may prefer something like yoga or Tai Chi.

3.Clean your house from top to bottom, doing the physical work yourself. Do it like a ritual, that is, with meaning. This is to get rid of the yuch, and make room for the sunshine. This is a tradition in many cultures at the New Year for a reason – because of what we’re all going through right now! Throw stuff out, sweep toward the doors, vacuum then take the bag out and dump it in the garbage, wash the furniture with something like Murphy’s soap.

4.Accept quiet times and go with the flow. Curl up by the fire and read


good books. Coddle yourself with extra long baths with special lotions. Get your nails done. Get massages. Fix yourself a warm breakfast. It’s kind of a hibernating time anyway.

5.Jumpstart your thinking brain. Start a new course. If you’re an extravert, go to community ed classes. If you’re an introvert, enjoy yourself on the internet with distance learning courses and take teleclasses.

6.Start a new intellectual project at work (if possible) and/or at home.

7.Start anything new – new health club, new piano lessons, coaching, fencing lessons, new hairstyle.

8.If you live in an area where this is high allergy-time (such as Texas), pay adjust your diet, because it’s cumulative - pollen PLUS diet PLUS dust and mold inside your house. Clean our your air ducts.

9.Laugh. One simple exercise is to put a pencil in your teeth crosswise. This makes the muscles of your face into a smile, and this helps our bodies. It gives us the same great relief a good laugh does.

10.Don’t fight it. There is no need to appear “Miss Congenialty” when you aren’t feeling that way. It’s okay to be in a quiet place.

Also, because this is the peak of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), get more sunshine. Exercise outside. Take a Caribbean cruise. When the sun crosses the bed in the spare bedroom, go lie down and soak up the rays.

Change is the only thing that stays constant, so know that your mood will eventually find its place. If you are seriously depressed, check with the many mental health professionals available to help you.

©Susan Dunn, MA, certified Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Individual coaching, employee assistance coaching, EQ programs for work, distance learning, The EQ Learning Lab™, EQ eBook Library – http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html . I train and certify Emotional Intelligence coaches – www.eqcoach.net . Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZine. To join EQ4U email list, send a blank email to mailto:EQ4U-subscribe@yahoogroups.com .


 

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Dr. Phil.com - Advice - Health - Grief/Loss
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GRIEF LOSS Web Sites - Sponsored Listings. Associated Sites · Grief Counseling Tools · Grief Recovery Skills Help Others, Help Yourself ...
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We shuffle into a break room and he. 1 2 3 Next >> · RSS Feed: Grief Loss and Bereavement Feed. © Copyright 2000-2006 eNotalone.com Inc. All rights reserved.
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Living Beyond Loss -- Surviving Grief, Loss and the Death of ...
Site focusing on surviving the grief and loss associated with the death of a child. Features online journal entries and essays.
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