Russian Women and the wedding

The Engagement

The decision to get married is taken nowadays exclusively by young men and women themselves who are governed by their mutual feeling above all. Following the tradition, the man asks the permission to marry the girl from her father, but after the matter has been settled with the girl herself. An engagement is the ceremony of announcing the decision to get married by the fiancées. The Soviet Russia saw a new tradition take shape: the day when the happy couple handed in their application to the special department of registering marriages became the day of the engagement celebration. The engagement performs two major functions: to announce the decision of a young couple to get married and to set the time needed for the preparation of the wedding. Usually one month or a month and a half is allowed for that.

An engagement is celebrated in the girl's house (an echo of an ancient tradition). The parents of both the man and the woman are introduced to each other and discuss the preparations for the wedding, how the wedding is to be held, where the newlyweds will live and what plans for the future they entertain.

In Russia a man, engaged to a girl, is considered a member of her family. The girl's family take care of her future husband and try to create the benevolent atmosphere for him to feel "at home", as they say. I daresay, this is also a tribute to the ancient tradition: having the daughter married was the deepest concern of a girl's parents, that's why nowadays they are more anxious about and moved by the event than the man's parents.

Throughout the engagement the girl will idealize her fiancé: he seems to be the most handsome, strong, kind and soon. She is literally flying above the earth, for she is the bride and that is the most significant feeling for a Russian girl. A Russian woman is shielded from the reality for the engagement - she is absorbed by the anticipation of the forthcoming happiness. Neither her relatives' warnings, nor her friends' stories, nor even her own miserable experience can disturb her. She believes with all her heart that everything is bound to be all right now, that is why she plunges into pre-wedding preparations with inspiration.

The joyful and exalted spirit of the forthcoming event is cherished by the woman's friends and relatives as well. The man also plays a part in the pre-wedding performance, trying to maintain the image created by the woman. He courts her elegantly, indulges her whims, pleases her in everything, acts chivalrous, but after the wedding... Well, that's the woman's lot. You will agree that the after-wedding period embraces the whole life, while there are only one or two months of engagement. It doesn't take a man much effort to create a fairyland for his woman for this period. Perhaps, that is why Russian women like the engagement period that much.

Thus, the pre-wedding period is the most fairytale-like, delightful and magic in a Russian woman's life. In respect of both happy feelings and disappointment, that is often experienced by the woman after the wedding when she discovers that her fairytale prince is just an ordinary man with a complete set of defects. This was the reason for the fact that lately many Russian couples put off the wedding to prolong the engagement - the fairytale. They live together before marriage in order to get to know each other better so that they didn't feel disappointed afterwards.

What Wedding Means to a Russian Woman

Every Russian girl dreams of a wedding. The wedding is, no doubt, the most long-anticipated and joyful event in her life. A girl is fascinated, first of all by the performance itself - a beautiful holiday centered on bride and bridegroom.

A Russian woman places great significance with the wedding, I will try to explain why.

The wedding means that the society considers the relations between a man and a woman legal. For ages Russians have been governed by very austere moral precepts, that prohibited any out-of-wedlock relations. Therefore, notwithstanding the fact that recently the society has become much more tolerant and literal toward civil marriages, the traditional attitude has a rather strong impact on the Russian woman's mentality.

Going through the rite of wedding she makes her feeling public. She shows the society that she is a virtuous woman, not just a pretty tart to while away the time with. She is something more. She is worthy to be the wife, the mother of the man's children, a life-partner. This means a lot for a Russian woman. The wedding is a boundary line between an independent maiden life and a wedlock life with taking care of the house, the husband and the children. Though every Russian woman realizes it is very hard work, still, her natural desire to be the hostess of her own house and have a family of her own makes her wish to be married.

The wedding is the guarantee of regularity and stability. A civil marriage is OK only for very young people. But if you ask any mature woman if she would like to officially register the marriage with a man she is living with, she will, no doubt, confess to that this type of marriage suits her man, who is eager not to lose his bachelors freedom, but that she herself longs for stability, confidence in that her life

The wedding brings along a possibility to have a child. Russian woman try not to have children born out of wedlock, which involves difficulties in the official registration of the child's papers and the woman's conviction that a child must have both mother and father. While a civil marriage doesn't guarantee her that the independent father of her child will stay with them.

And, after all, the wedding is also a beautiful holiday which, in an ideal variant, is celebrated only once in lifetime and leaves a deep impression with a person.

The Russian Wedding

In Russian they act out the wedding, that is there is a special wedding script, where they try to observe all ancient traditions. A modern wedding includes many archaic elements, such as asking the blessing of the bride's parents, a redemption of the bride, a wedding train going from the bridegroom's to the bride's, a white dress of the bride and others.

A redemption is a rite according to which the bridegroom cannot enter the bride's house without pleasing the bridesmaids first: he has to sing, solve riddles, to make small presents, to give some money to the girls, that is to pay the ransom. Only after he has passed all the test he is allowed to take the bride away.

A wedding train in its modern variant is a chain of cars that take the bridegroom and his parents and guests to the bride's place. After the redemption they take the bride and her guests to the place where the marriage is officially registered. After the registration the wedding train will take the newly married couple and their guests for a tour around the city and then they make a stop-off at some place in the country. Here they drink champagne, take photos and only then are taken to the wedding banquet. Russians do not spare money for the wedding: the tables are literally weighed down with savories and main courses, alcohol drinks and desserts. All this is no little cost, that is why every couple will decide for themselves whether they need such a sumptuous feast or would rather confine themselves to a party for the most close friends and relatives. A newly married couple can embark on a honeymoon trip right after the registration. But in most cases the traditional Russian wedding is a gorgeous holiday two days long.

The First Conjugal Night With the Russian Woman

I would like to draw your attention to the expression 'conjugal night', that is the night after the wedding, and, to be exact, not with the Russian woman any more, but with your wife. You can take my word that these subtle differences are quite meaningful for every Russian woman. More than that, a woman will need to know, what part she plays in your life.

So, you have passed all the preliminary stages: the acquaintance, first questions and answers to each other, the first date. You are convinced she is your ideal woman. She is your wife. The cheers and wishes of happiness are over and wife and husband have been left alone...

The Russian tradition makes the conjugal night the secret of the two, nobody has the right to interfere with it. It was thought to be the first sexual intercourse of the newly-married couple. Nowadays it is to a great extent a symbol. But still a lot depends on it. A Russian woman on her first conjugal night expects from her husband:

• the romantic and exquisite atmosphere (tender low music, gentle scents of flowers, burning candles, glasses of sparkling champagne);

• beautiful avowals of love and compliments;

• tact and patience;

• tenderness and persistence;

• full harmony.

Try to make your wife a small but original present. Most women take the presents from their beloved husband as fetishes.

I do not give you any specific recommendations, since I'm sure, your conjugal happiness is in the hands of the couple only. If you are eager to get specific advice how you can set your sexual life with a Russian woman, them see the unit 'Russian woman and sex'.

I just want to remind you that Russian woman is naturally emotional and romantic. She is always looking forward to a Feast of Love! And the first conjugal night is only the beginning of your celebration of love and family happiness.

So, in a few words, the wedding is not just a tribute to a tradition for a Russian woman. This is a possibility to make one's feelings and virtues publicly recognized. This is a rite involving emotional attitudes, a drama performance, spiritual and juridical reunion of the two.

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