|
|
|
Dogs & Kids: Happy Together
Dogs and kids, it's a combination that at it's best can be the stuff of childhood dreams. At it's worst, it can be a source of heartache and pain and even injury. How can you ensure that your child and Man's Best Friend have a loving and safe...
Feline Human Bond
The Cat was a pet at least eight thousand years ago because bones of cats, mice and humans were found buried together on the ancient island of Cyprus. In ancient Egypt, the cat was a pet at least five thousand years ago. The cat was considered to be...
Marking Togetherness: Beyond the Unity Candle
By now, surely everyone's familiar with the unity candle, but did you know there are other unification ceremonies to choose from when planning your wedding? Although the unity candle seems to have been with us forever, in reality it's only about...
Mom's Car Stereo
Do you remember the car stereo days of youth - windows down, hair wildly blowing and the radio blaring the latest and greatest musical hit? Depending on which friend was with me at the time, my in-dash could be playing dance, hip hop or even heavy...
The History of Engagement Rings and Wedding Bands
These days, many people take wedding bands and engagement rings for granted, and although they give these beautiful items of jewellery with integrity and love, they are often given with no real knowledge of the meaning behind them. Both wedding...
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Quest for Intimacy and Passion: Challenges for the ACD
As you may know, the divorce rate continues to hover around fifty percent, where it has been now for some time. If half of marriages end in divorce today, it is likely that many of you—like me—are ACD’s—Adult Children of Divorce. How has our parents’ divorce affected us and our own quest for love and happiness?
My parents were divorced when I was three. From childhood I vowed not to be one of the fifty percent—I was going to succeed where they had “failed.” Yet, I too, became a statistic when my first marriage of 25 years came to an end, despite valiant attempts by my first wife and me to save it. So now my adult children, too, have joined the ranks of ACD’s.
Much has been written about the effect of divorce on children. However, very little research has been done on the impact of divorce on adults and the challenges of ACD’s in general. A recent study at the University of New Orleans sheds some of the long awaited light.
Among the findings of the study, is that for ACD’s intimacy, trust, commitment, loyalty and passion are more complex issues than for children of intact families. For example, many of us crave the intimacy, yet female ACD’s tend to experience more relationship conflict and to have an increased number of sexual partners than those from intact families, though the same is not true for men. There is some suggestion that in our quest for the intimacy we may confuse casual sexual relationships with emotional intimacy. We also have a tendency to get into relationships or marriage at a young age or to seek to fulfill our emotional needs in relationships that are not healthy.
ACD’s also demonstrate an overall lack of trust with regard to intimate relationships and marriage. Sadly, many of us expect our marriages to fail, at least unconsciously, and we may even sabotage our intimate relationships because of a fear of rejection and lack of trust. Ironically, while we long for affection, seeking the affection which we did not see or experience at home, we may withdraw emotionally from our partners, repeating a coping mechanism learned in childhood.
The option of cohabitation and availability of
divorce as an option also impact our attitude toward marriage. Adult children of divorce are more likely to prefer cohabitation to marriage or to say they do not want to marry in the future. Yet we ACD’s are more likely to put ourselves in situations that promote marriage, such as cohabitation.
The most significant finding of the study is that ACD’s are much more concerned with intimacy and loyalty as well as passion in relationships than are adults from intact families. Consequently, our expectations are sometimes unrealistic. We did not see a good marriage model, so we have created one in our imagination. The picture may be lovely, but it is not necessarily realistic.
On the other hand, the study found that ACD’s often demonstrate residual strength and maturity and empathy for others borne of their family divorce experience. As Winston Churchill observed, "The farther back you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see." Armed with that awareness and our residual strength, we can begin to change our patterns and create a new vision, to live our lives differently. One of the things that draws us to the use of Imago Relationship Therapy in our counseling and coaching practice, is that Imago allows persons in committed relationships to heal childhood wounds, whether from divorce or some other source. It is a priceless tool for creating the new vision.
Divorce is a terrible, painful thing. Yet I know that sometimes it is the only available resolution to a relationship in conflict. Perhaps with growing knowledge and understanding of some of the vulnerabilities that challenge us as adult children of divorce, we can move forward and experience healing. Perhaps we can even begin to reverse the divorce statistic.
About the Author
Kenneth Sprang, MA, JD, and Carol Sprang, MA, RNC direct Bethesda-Chevy Chase Counseling & Consulting in Bethesda, offering Imago Relationship Therapy, relationship and executive coaching, individual and couples coaching and counseling, and business consulting services. (301) 907-3377. ken@singlestosoulmates.com. http://www.singlestosoulmates.com or http://www.bcccounseling.com
|
|
|
|
|
| Happiness (1998) |
| Happiness on IMDb: Movies, TV, Celebs, and more... |
| www.imdb.com |
|
| Happiness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| Happiness is an emotional or affective state that feels good or pleasing. ... Happiness is often correlated to the presence of favorable events (such as a ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
|
| Happiness Quotes | Happiness Quotations | Happiness Sayings ... |
| Quotes on Happiness - part of a larger collection of Wisdom Quotes to challenge and inspire. Find Happiness quotations and links to quotes on other topics. |
| www.wisdomquotes.com |
|
| --"Finding True Happiness and Self-actualization" :: How-to-be ... |
| A variety of self-help resources to help people find happiness and achieve self-actualization. Includes books, ebooks, newsletters, and free articles. |
| www.thehappyguy.com |
|
| :: Authentic Happiness :: Using the new Positive Psychology |
| Authentic Happiness has almost 400000 registered users around the world. You are welcome to use all of the resources on this website for free. ... |
| www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu |
|
| Welcome to The Happiness Project |
| The Happiness Project - Official Website of Dr. Robert Holden and The Happiness Project - as featured in the award winning BBC documentary 'How to be Happy' |
| www.happiness.co.uk |
|
| World Database of Happiness |
| A continuous register of scientific research on subjective appreciation of life directed by Ruut Veenhoven, Erasmus University Rotterdam. |
| www.eur.nl |
|
| Happiness Magazine |
| Happiness! Joy! Contentment! These can be yours! Discover how you can be happy in your day to day life. Enjoy yummy recipes and fun puzzles like Sudoku, ... |
| www.happiness.com |
|
| The Way to Happiness |
| The Way to Happiness - a simple, straightforward & direct guide for making good choices. |
| www.twth.org |
|
| Happiness |
| An evolutionary theory of happiness must clarify the connection between the ... The cybernetic theory of happiness says that the presence of these three ... |
| pespmc1.vub.ac.be |
|
| BBC NEWS | Programmes | Happiness Formula |
| Visit BBC News for up-to-the-minute news, breaking news, video, audio and feature stories. BBC News provides trusted World and UK news as well as local and ... |
| news.bbc.co.uk |
|
| Happiness Foundation - Home |
| Copyright 2001-2006, Happiness Foundation. |
| www.happiness.org |
|
| So what do you have to do to find happiness? - Sunday Times ... |
| Behind the neoclassical facade of the Royal Institution, in London's Mayfair, the latest in a 200-year series of lectures was taking place in a hushed ... |
| www.timesonline.co.uk |
|
| CATHOLIC ENCYCLOPEDIA: Happiness |
| The primary meaning of this term in all the leading European languages seems to involve the notion of good fortune, good chance, good happening. |
| www.newadvent.org |
|
| TIME Magazine: Mind & Body: Happiness |
| Happiness is not cozy. It gleams most vividly against a background of black ... Most people find happiness in family connections and friendships ... |
| www.time.com |
|
| Happiness |
| Ask Dr. Kenner, clinical psychologist, any personal question toll-free. Happiness has a rational basis. |
| www.drkenner.com |
|
| האפינס happiness |
| HAPPINESS Written and Directed by Todd Solondz 1. EXT. HAPPY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT. 1. ... JOY To happiness. EVERYONE ELSE To happiness! Glasses clink. ... |
| www.awesomefilm.com |
|
| Reflective Happiness |
| Dr. Seligman has developed a Reflective Happiness Program that ... Dr. Seligman & Reflective Happiness website featured in TIME Magazine cover story [more. ... |
| www.reflectivehappiness.com |
|
| BBC - Happiness - Homepage |
| A website devoted to the BBC Two comedy, Happiness. |
| www.bbc.co.uk |
|
| Pages tagged with "happiness" on del.icio.us |
| All items tagged happiness ??? view popular ... Authentic Happiness :: Using the new Positive Psychology ... Dream World, the world of happiness ... |
| del.icio.us |
|
|