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Five Minutes
Everyday.
You're hunched at the computer, flicking the keys with the greatest of ease - or, like me, poking each stroke with the speed of a...umm...well, it DID rhyme!
Everyday.
You're mesmerized for hours by the wonders of Internet...
Hay Fever Is a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Thing
Remember, hay fever is an allergic reaction caused by grass and trees. And should not be confused with grass and tree fever, which is caused by hay.
Hay fever is a terrible horrible no good very bad thing because your eyes water and your nose runs...
IT'S AWESOME AUGUST AGAIN!
Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005. IT'S AWESOME AUGUST AGAIN Or, what else did you think it was? **Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon August, the eighth month of the year, is to put it bluntly …the worst...
Taking A Little Time Out For Time
Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is: Time. We're going to talk about time today because I never seem to have enough of it. And I figure that if I dedicate a whole column to the subject of time and stress some of it's finer points, then perhaps...
The Silly Essay
I thought it would be fun to set down some of the random, silly thoughts I’ve been pondering over the last several weeks. In this time of geopolitical intenseness, I figure if I need a “silly” break than so do others. I’ve been wondering what life...
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A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes
Lawyer Jokes
Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator
Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they’re boring.
Stories:
1. A man who had been
caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."
And finally:
You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.
About the Author: Richard Chapo is a San Diego business lawyer with http://www.sandiegobusinesslawfirm.com and is rumored to have a sense of humor. Then again, you never know with rumors.
Source: www.isnare.com
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