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8 Reasons Why You Should Email Me One Dollar
Paypal has made it possible to quickly and easily send money over the Internet. This allows us to pay for all kinds of purchases with a lot less hassle. It also will allow you, everyone who reads this article, to send me, Timothy Ward, $1.00. ...
Gender Reversal
I may be a woman inside the powerful body of a man. Now, before you jump to hasty conclusions, let me explain. And if you're a woman who believes it's long overdue that we have our first woman president----you'll like this. I'm not ashamed to admit...
Hollywood Humor: Cary Grant's Muffins
In 1853 in Saratoga Springs, New York, American Indian Chef George Crum was preparing his specialty French fried potatoes in the upscale resort he was working at, when he received word that one of the patrons complained they were cut too thick. An...
I'm A Romance Novel Hero!
Before we get started here, let me tell y’all that what you’re about to read is the absolute truth. The absolute, unvarnished truth. I swear it on every one of my Elvis and BTO CDs. Now, let’s get right down to it, y’all just focus your eyes on the...
Looking for Harvey Weinstein
Two British women spill the beans on how to make it in Hollywood.
Brash, ballsy and full of energy.
A totem of two women’s struggle to do something worthwhile in life, it certainly knows how to serve up endless comical observations....
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Bathroom Palacial
I had to play a joke on the maid at a hotel where I was staying. You know that little paper wrapper they place over the toilet seat, that thin paper band that is supposed to convince you that the facility is clean. You normally take the paper band off and throw it away when you go to use the john. Instead, I saved mine and each morning before leaving the room slipped it back on the toilet seat, giving the impression I never used it.
After day five of this I could only imagine the maid’s reaction.
Staring, she said, “What are you, some kind of a lizard?”
To me, bathrooms are like Greek temples, made of stone and cool marble, reassuring, serene, little worlds of their own, a place of refuge, shut away from the world and its problems.
Such places thus earn the more dignified name of “rest room.”
For example, if you hate your dead-end job, and you share a communal bathroom down the hall with the employees of other companies in the building, chances are you’ll spend more time here than you should, away from a threatening, dishonest boss, ringing phones and mountains of paperwork.
I admit I’m selfish. When I use the communal john, I want it all to myself---alone.
I also don’t want my imitation Greek temple sullied. Therefore, I never perform major bodily functions here (the only time I ever did I was sick).
There’s this guy. Every morning at 8:45 a.m. he’s seated on the throne. Now, I fully know this is not a common subject for a column, and I don’t want you to think I’m strange. But I’m truly curious about this guy, perplexed, baffled,
whatever.
Since it’s only 8:45 in the morning, he can’t have been at work very long, not much more than an hour. Why can’t he hold it longer? Why can’t he do his disgusting business at home before he comes to work?
What does he do, process food like a goose?
Now, we all drink coffee, which I admit goes through you pretty fast. So I’m not against use of the john for small calls of nature. But I’m thinking of posting a sign, which reads, “This Facility Used for Minimal Body Functions Only.”
Don’t foul my Greek temple with your digesting bowels.
More bathroom palacial.
Bathrooms like restaurants should be rated in travel books as to how good they are. For instance, we’ve all seen gas station bathrooms in truck stops on Labor Day where the unflushed facility hasn’t been cleaned and the globs of stuff in there are so putrid you think they may reach out and grab you.
Such places assign us lower on the scale of evolution.
Disgusting!
Then there are bathrooms like the one I saw at Pebble Beach Resort. The heart soars. You could eat off the floor. Little, moist cloth towels hanging from silver trays for cleaning your hands. Embossed toilet paper. Gleaming brass and silver fixtures.
A dream come true.
I was in tears.
© Copyright 2004 by SammonSays.com
About the Author: John Sammon is the author of two books and a weekly humor column you may access at Sammonsays.com.
Source: www.isnare.com
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