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Have PC-Will Crash
This isn't the article that I was planning to write today. I had a totally different article in mind. Truthfully the article I was going to write was a whole lot funnier than this one. In fact I had already started typing the other, much...
Hippo Rage - a humorous look at stress and anger today
(text of a mini-keynote speech by David Leonhardt, The Happy Guy, which brought down the house in Gatineau, Quebec, April 21, 2002) Has anybody here ever been stuck in traffic for a frustratingly long time? Put up your hand if you have. Oooh!...
Let The Kissing Begin
Let The Kissing Begin By David Leonhardt Every now and then a quarrel breaks out down at the barber shop, lines are drawn, challenges leveled and, with any luck, somebody walks out with very few blood stains. All over a seemingly innocent...
Opposite Attracts Laughter!
The secret in comedy writing is association. Let's see how this
technique generates hilarious result. By association means by
pairing or combining thoughts, images or even words together.
The most popular and obvious form of association in...
The Toilet Seat
Very early on in life I gained a healthy respect for an extremely simple yet ‘sofa’ comfortable piece of plastic mould, a feature that is found in most houses, public places, restaurants and in trains, planes and larger sized all-in-one camper...
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Dice Sports Games That Are Fun; the Pro Football Game.
This is the next installment in a world of incredibly fun sports
games played with dice. In the first installment I taught you
how to play the college version of "Dice Football". That was the
simplest of all my dice sports games. Now it is time to start
getting a little more complex. As, in all my dice football games
you will need two dice, notebook paper and a pen or pencil.
You will recall that in the college version you got your box
score set up so that you can begin the game and just take turns
for four quarters. In the pro version the top team is always the
home team and they always go first in the first and third
quarters only. In the second and fourth quarters the visitor
team goes first which allows the home team the advantage of
"coming back" to win.
Both teams will only get three rolls of the two dice per
quarter--instead of the five rolls per team in the college
version. This discrepancy in rolls is due to the fact that it is
much harder to score points in the pros than it is in college
football. Oddly enough, it is also harder to shut out a pro team
than a college team. That will be reflected in the field goal
section below. You always allow the two teams to make their
rolls (3) in the quarter all at once. In short, both teams roll
two dice three times for each quarter of the game. Remember, the
home team goes first in the first and third quarters only!
Just like in the college game scoring occurs when the two dice
hit "doubles". That is a touchdown and it's worth six points.
For the extra point you would roll two dice also--unlike the
single one dice roll in college. If the dice roll results in
"snake-eyes" (a pair of ones), the extra point is missed.
Remember, you get three rolls of two dice per quarter per team.
Just as in the college game field goals can be
attempted
whenever one roll of dice results in a total of either a ten (4
& 6) or eleven (5 & 6). At that point you roll one dice to see
if the field goal is good. When you attempt a field goal in the
pro game and you roll a one, two, three, or four the field goal
is good. Roll a five or six and that means you missed.
This is an example of how the pro game can break down. The home
team rolls the dice two times before a pair of "fives"
result...Touchdown! The home team rolls one dice and it results
in a four...extra point is good--seven points total. The visitor
then takes two rolls before rolling an eleven, which is a field
goal attempt. He then rolls a two which means that the field
goal is good. The total score at the end of the first quarter is
home-7, visitors-3.
Neither team scores again until the fourth quarter. The visitor
goes first and rolls once before rolling a ten. He rolls a six
on his field goal attempt which means that he missed. Then he
rolls doubles on his third and last toss and makes a successful
extra point roll. His final score in the game is 10 points. Then
the home team rolls three times and scores "doubles" on his last
roll. He makes the extra point and wins the game with a final
score of 14 to 10.
If the score ends in a tie just alternate one roll of two dice
between the two teams until someone scores. In the next article
I'll teach you about handicapping the college and pro football
dice games which allows you to play entire seasons and get
"real-time" results. Till then, keep on rolling.
About the author:
John DeJong is the creative designer for NotMeUSA. He's been
writing humorous advertisements for over 25 years. All the funny
t-shirts, fun pill bottles, and gag spray bottles were created
by him. You can see all his designs by visiting
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