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A moron's account of 4th grade.
Ah looking back on 4rth grade, it was not my favorite grade, 3erd grade was my favorite grad butt when I think about all the grades I had in school 4rth grade was not a bad grade. My teacher for 4rth grade was Mister Tony, he was a very smart and...
ET Phone Home
Last week I felt like the mother in the commercial, where her
son shows her a good report card, and she starts to cry. My son
is growing up. He pulled up his grades. I wish he could do the
same for his pants, but one thing at a time.
We...
Hollywood Humor: Cary Grant's Muffins
In 1853 in Saratoga Springs, New York, American Indian Chef George Crum was preparing his specialty French fried potatoes in the upscale resort he was working at, when he received word that one of the patrons complained they were cut too thick. An...
Rock’s Oddball Celebrity News
Rock’s Oddball Celebrity News By Rocky Ramsey According to an interview with Madonna on 20/20, she wants to change her name to Esther, because it’s a good Biblical name. Paris Hilton’s infamous Internet video has been released on DVD. It’s...
You may be in love if...
One of the most common human experiences that two or more
(depending on how ambitious you are) people can share is love.
But, it's not always easy to tell if you are in like, lust or
full blown, forever loving. With that in mind, I've created...
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THINGS PERFECTLY NORMAL BEASTS DO
PUBLISHING GUIDELINES: Publishers wishing to use this article are invited to email the author a courtesy copy of their publication, for citation purposes.
WORD COUNT: 566
It's amazing what "Perfectly Normal Beasts" will do in a pinch. Being a "Beast" is one thing, but being a "Perfectly Normal Beast" is quite another.
And being a Perfectly Normal Beast in a pinch, well that's a fate worse than death (especially if hunter-matadors are involved).
Now, if you're the least bit curious about "Life, the Universe and Everything" (including a blessed Bob-fearing planet that shall remain nameless), then you probably know all about Perfectly Normal Beasts.
But, if you've never hazarded a guess about Life, the Universe and Everything and are slightly overwhelmed by such an XL-thought, fear not.
If lost ...then follow these simple instructions:
The following list will help you to navigate the very first stage of this protracted process called, "Discovering Life, the Universe and Everything".
Take a deep breath, think nice thoughts, and follow these instructions (remember -- no ands, ifs, or buts).
Ahem! May I have your attention please!! LISTEN UP TWATS!!! Enough with the tah tah, tally ho, pip pip and all that ... just work with me people and:
(a) show up at any airport,
(b) bring along your passport and a small bag (that you've packed yourself naturally) and,
(c) obtain a boarding pass for the next "Flight of Fancy" (departing whenever enough folks like you show up to take it for goodness sake).
Meanwhile back at the ranch...
Getting back to Perfectly Normal Beasts -- (PNBs for short) -- and the perfectly normal things that they do.
Well for starters, you'll know when you've run into them if they:
(1) appear to be huge, hot and heaving hoofers (that you've never set eyes upon in a petting zoo or better yet, never even accosted in a dank, dark, and dreary alleyway -- thank your lucky stars and get your buns outta there!)
(2) are hanging out in herds on the back nine -- far removed from hunter-matadors (swinging golf
clubs, what else!)
(3) seem to be galloping at full speed toward you
(4) are doing a lot of snorting, panting, sweating and sniffing (while galloping at full speed toward you)
(5) occasionally are found breaking wind with ease (incidentally, some fetid-oriented folk consider them a “bullish” investment opportunity)
(6) are known to enjoy lumbering forward with little momentum when happy (or perhaps sick in their tummies from eating far too many hunter-matadors)
(7) are compatible with "one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eaters" (although no one can remember their Latin name, let alone their nickname)
(8) are lurching up off their knees and standing, swaying ever so gayly and giddyly (especially if they've had one too many whiffs of grass)
(9) get a tad crimson in the neck (because they simply can't abide being called, "perky", "cute" or heaven forbid, "bellicose") and
(10) show no remorse about thundering around the universe and scaring the pikka birds half to death, hurtling hunting-matadors all over the place, and then galloping off into nothingness or vanishing into thin air (whichever comes first).
__________
For more information about Pefectly Normal Beasts, please read Mostly Harmless (by the late, great British humorist, Douglas Adams).
* The Official Douglas Adams site -- http://www.douglasadams.com
* The BBC's Unconventinal Guide to Life, the Universe & Everything --http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2
For those wishing to know more about Perfectly Normal Beasts, check out the paltry 200 website listings devoted to this somewhat obscure topic (according to the gigantic Google Guessing Gizmo http://www.google.com).
Copyright, Victoria Elizabeth, "The Quipping Queen", 2004.
About the Author
Victoria Elizabeth is a self-proclaimed "Quipping Queen" who lives in a crazy castle by the sea in Victoria, B.C. (Canada). She can be found on most days doing a little musing through the pages of her bodacious blog at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com or receiving greetings from the realm courtesy of her email: quippingqueen@yahoo.com
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| Humor in the Yahoo! Directory |
| Find sites dedicated to all things funny, including jokes, comedy, quotes, and also humorous sites relating to animals, entertainment, and the bizarre. |
| dir.yahoo.com |
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| College Humor |
| Everything that's funny on the Internet is right here. Funny pictures, funny videos, and lots of boobies. |
| www.collegehumor.com |
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| Open Directory - Recreation: Humor |
| Arts: Comics (5279); Arts: Illustration: Cartoons (135); Arts: Performing Arts: Comedy (1506); News: Analysis and Opinion: Columnists: Humor (192) ... |
| dmoz.org |
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| Humour - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| This article discusses humour in terms of comedy and laughter. ... Mintz, Lawrence E. Humor in America: A Research Guide to Genres and Topics. ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
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| Humor Posters at AllPosters.com |
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| www.technorati.com |
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| Political Humor - Jokes Satire and Political Cartoons |
| The Web's leading source for political humor, providing a witty and irreverent look at bizarre antics inside, outside and below the Beltway. |
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| Psychology Humor |
| What's the surest sign that a subject isn't really a science? They're the ones whose proponents spend the most time trying to insist that their field is a ... |
| www.psych.upenn.edu |
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| Pages tagged with "humor" on del.icio.us |
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| Húmor.is |
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| Extreme Funny Humor |
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| Rec.humor.funny jokes and comedy |
| Includes jokes posted to the newsgroup and updates 2-3 times a day. |
| www.netfunny.com |
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| Philosophical humor |
| Philosophical humor. Compiled by David Chalmers. Some bits and pieces I've come across. Additions are always welcome. Lists and litanies ... |
| consc.net |
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| SpikedHumor.com » Welcome to Spiked Entertainment ( Movies - Flash ... |
| Spikedhumor.com provides the best internet viral enterainment and comedy. |
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| Humour Links Comedy Sites Directory |
| Large searchable database of humor sites split into appropriate categories, and rated by users. Also features tools for webmasters to integrate the ... |
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| The Humor Archives - funny jokes, pictures, cartoons and movies |
| humor rss feed · Add to Google · Add to My Yahoo! Add to Bloglines · Add to Netvibes · Add to My AOL. Virtual Categories. Geeks · George W. Bush · Money ... |
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| Joe Monster.org - Probably The Best Page In The Universe |
| Humor ekskluzywny. Fotki filmiki * flashe * gierki * dowcipy * forum. Material czesto prowokacyjny. Politycznie niepoprawny. Pozostawia trwale slady w ... |
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| HumorON.com - You never want it to turn it off anymore! |
| Welcome to this humoron dot com website we provide you the most funniest, shocking & most amazing videos each day! so turn you let us turn your humor back ... |
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