|
|
|
By Now, I'm a Expert at Memory Loss
I sat down to write my weekly humor column, but I just could not remember what I wanted to write about. This seems to be an increasingly more common affliction, ever since I turned 40. For instance, like most people over 40, I often can't remember...
Hay Fever Is a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Thing
Remember, hay fever is an allergic reaction caused by grass and trees. And should not be confused with grass and tree fever, which is caused by hay.
Hay fever is a terrible horrible no good very bad thing because your eyes water and your nose runs...
The Silly Essay
I thought it would be fun to set down some of the random, silly thoughts I’ve been pondering over the last several weeks. In this time of geopolitical intenseness, I figure if I need a “silly” break than so do others. I’ve been wondering what life...
The Toilet Seat
Very early on in life I gained a healthy respect for an extremely simple yet ‘sofa’ comfortable piece of plastic mould, a feature that is found in most houses, public places, restaurants and in trains, planes and larger sized all-in-one camper...
Top 10 Things to make your next company meeting more exciting Part 1
10. Take notes in finger paint.
9. Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently and keep muttering the words “I came prepared”
8. Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say, "Oh,...
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
YOUR HAIKU ERROR MESSAGES FOR THE DAY
PUBLISHING GUIDELINES. This article may be used in print or electronic publications. Publishers are requested to email the author (quippingqueen@yahoo.com) with a copy of the article reprinted in their publication, or a link back to the author's blog at (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com).
WORD COUNT: 577
While many disparage the advent of glitches in our wired world, the only way to find solace and sanity is to return to the ancient teachings.
"Haiku", (a Japanese style of poetry), offers readers a way to experience the daily dilemmas of our digital community from a novel perspective.
So, for those of you who have no intention of going back in time or, unearthing the gold-leaf tomes in your basement, just tune in to the Happy Haiku Harridan for your daily dose of wonky wisdom.
Below are a few little gems by anonymous authors. I’ve also added a few of my own for good measure.
1. The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.
2. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
3. Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.
4. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
5. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
6. Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
7. Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
8. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
9. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred?
10. You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here.
11. Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.
12. Having been erased, the document you're seeking must now be retyped.
13. Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.
14. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
15. Silence. A strangled modem forgets -- that it should blink.
16.
Behold the ego. It sits in glowing emptiness. Cursor be damned!
17. A dingbat flaps. Windows is crashing. Oh what a pity.
18. Dead PCs. Cube farms empty. Have you called 911 yet?
19. Morning spam. Harbinger of good and ill. "Norton" nixed them all!
20. He says a word. And I say a word. Upgrade chat to phrases.
21. Faceless 404 again. Lone pixel in the bit map. Welcome to 'Geekville'.
22. Oh the winds that blow - can you ask them - which file is next to go?
23. Alone, on the web. Where to now? Who moved my e-cheese?
24. A lightening flash across your screen. Windows closes. Dial 411 for Godot.
25. For love and for hate, I trap a bug. And offer it to Bill.
26. A golden bug. I hurl it into the darkness. Is "McAfee" working?
27. A dead Trojan Horse. And yet, isn’t there something remaining in it?
28. Adjust your browser. Sorry, settings are gone. Try another universe!
29. Darkened screens - become modern grapes of wrath - reaping bitter whine.
30. On my screen, the frigging fish tank. Is that Tony Tuna I see?
___________
NOTE: These one-line-wonders adhere to well-established politically-correct plain language policies, comply with all equal opportunity humor legislation, and subscribe to the “best practices” embodied in the Safe Chortling Code of Conduct for Geeks, Nerds, and Dweebs.
For more information on weatherpixies, please visit: www.weatherpixie.com. Installing atmospheric icons will ensure the safety of garden gnomes from the Norse God of Thunder a.k.a. 'Thor' -- "A Disaster Dude" if ever there was one ...known to fry computers and plants with alacrity and equanimity.
About the Author
Victoria Elizabeth, alias the "Happy Haiku Harridan", publishes musings about life's little oddities in her bodacious blog called, "The Quipping Queen" (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com). In her "other life" she is a business development consultant...you know stuff like how to grow money trees with oodles low-hanging fruit.
|
|
|
|
|
| Humor in the Yahoo! Directory |
| Find sites dedicated to all things funny, including jokes, comedy, quotes, and also humorous sites relating to animals, entertainment, and the bizarre. |
| dir.yahoo.com |
|
| College Humor |
| Everything that's funny on the Internet is right here. Funny pictures, funny videos, and lots of boobies. |
| www.collegehumor.com |
|
| Open Directory - Recreation: Humor |
| Arts: Comics (5279); Arts: Illustration: Cartoons (135); Arts: Performing Arts: Comedy (1506); News: Analysis and Opinion: Columnists: Humor (192) ... |
| dmoz.org |
|
| Humour - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| This article discusses humour in terms of comedy and laughter. ... Mintz, Lawrence E. Humor in America: A Research Guide to Genres and Topics. ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
|
| Humor Posters at AllPosters.com |
| Humor Posters at AllPosters.com. Choose from over 300000 posters and prints. Professional custom framing available. |
| www.allposters.com |
|
| Humor: See what people are saying right now on Technorati |
| See all blog posts tagged with humor on Technorati. |
| www.technorati.com |
|
| Political Humor - Jokes Satire and Political Cartoons |
| The Web's leading source for political humor, providing a witty and irreverent look at bizarre antics inside, outside and below the Beltway. |
| politicalhumor.about.com |
|
| Psychology Humor |
| What's the surest sign that a subject isn't really a science? They're the ones whose proponents spend the most time trying to insist that their field is a ... |
| www.psych.upenn.edu |
|
| Pages tagged with "humor" on del.icio.us |
| All items tagged humor ??? view popular ... Reason Magazine - All I Think Is That It's Stupid · save this. by karindalziel to humor ... 54 mins ago ... |
| del.icio.us |
|
| About Humor - Comedy - Jokes - Cartoons - New Funny Sites - Humor ... |
| New sick jokes every weekday plus new links each week to the best in humor and sickness on the Net. From About.com. |
| humor.about.com |
|
| Funny and Humorous T-Shirts and Gifts at CafePress.com : Shop Over ... |
| Funny T-shirts and Gifts. Humor Gifts. Share a laugh with funny t-shirts, stickers and more! See all results... Categories within Funny T-shirts and Gifts ... |
| www.cafepress.com |
|
| Húmor.is |
| Flokkur. Allt, bílar, Blabla, blog, boltinn, haha, Íslenskt, leikir, Minn Sirkus, myndir, video, webcam, wtf. Sýna +18 tengla Já/Nei ... |
| www.humor.is |
|
| Extreme Funny Humor |
| But, if we say you can learn to become extremely funny spontaneously in just 7 days? Check out the one and only course to develop your humor sense to beyond ... |
| www.extremefunnyhumor.com |
|
| Rec.humor.funny jokes and comedy |
| Includes jokes posted to the newsgroup and updates 2-3 times a day. |
| www.netfunny.com |
|
| Philosophical humor |
| Philosophical humor. Compiled by David Chalmers. Some bits and pieces I've come across. Additions are always welcome. Lists and litanies ... |
| consc.net |
|
| SpikedHumor.com » Welcome to Spiked Entertainment ( Movies - Flash ... |
| Spikedhumor.com provides the best internet viral enterainment and comedy. |
| www.spikedhumor.com |
|
| Humour Links Comedy Sites Directory |
| Large searchable database of humor sites split into appropriate categories, and rated by users. Also features tools for webmasters to integrate the ... |
| www.humorlinks.com |
|
| The Humor Archives - funny jokes, pictures, cartoons and movies |
| humor rss feed · Add to Google · Add to My Yahoo! Add to Bloglines · Add to Netvibes · Add to My AOL. Virtual Categories. Geeks · George W. Bush · Money ... |
| www.thehumorarchives.com |
|
| Joe Monster.org - Probably The Best Page In The Universe |
| Humor ekskluzywny. Fotki filmiki * flashe * gierki * dowcipy * forum. Material czesto prowokacyjny. Politycznie niepoprawny. Pozostawia trwale slady w ... |
| joemonster.org |
|
| HumorON.com - You never want it to turn it off anymore! |
| Welcome to this humoron dot com website we provide you the most funniest, shocking & most amazing videos each day! so turn you let us turn your humor back ... |
| www.humoron.com |
|
|