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Do you really like yourself?
When was the last time you asked yourself that question? Do I
really like me? What is it about me that I like? Most people
spend their lives speculating whether other people like them:
Does....like me? Am I attractive to ......? What have I done...
"In Here" not "Out There"
About a year back, we launched a new program at the MIT Club of
Northern California titled: Exploring the Mind of the Leader,
anchored by Prof. Michael Ray of Stanford Graduate School of
Business. In that series, Prof. Ray interviewed some...
Manifesting
I have experimented with deliberate manifestation for about 30 years now. I have never tried to teach the tools of manifestation to anyone else. I certainly have shared what I have learned and articles I have found on the subject. Some people think...
What do you need to know about Epilepsy
Amongst the diseases that have frequently gripped Americans,
Epilepsy is also the one. Though epilepsy allows its patients to
lead a normal life yet the disease can be fatal due to the
unexpected occurrence of seizures. Epilepsy can basically...
What To Do About Anger
“Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way -- that is not easy.” - Aristotle There’s nothing easy about anger. Artistotle lived...
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Say I Don't Know
Why am I writing this? I don't know. I can give reasons, but I can't be sure they are accurate. Such ignorance is okay, or at least it should be. The temptation is always to explain, but that often does nothing useful. In fact, it can just get in the way of actual understanding. Let me explain...
Rationalization 101
John was hypnotised, and given the post-hypnotic instruction to get up and put on his coat whenever the doctor touched his nose. Once out of the trance, they talked. During the conversation, the doctor scratched his nose, and John immediately stood up and put on his coat.
The doctor asked him why. "Oh, I thought we were finished," John said, and he took off the coat. A minute later, the doctor touched his nose again. John again immediately stood up and put on his coat. "It's getting cold in here," he explained.
This scenario is not unique to hypnosis. There's a lot that goes into our decisions and actions, and we act as though we're aware of it all. Just like poor John, we feel compelled to explain ourselves - and to believe our explanations. Rationalization is one of our strongest habits.
I Don't Know
A child throws a plate at his brother, and his mother demands "Why would you do that!?" He says, "I don't know," which is true, but not acceptable. Pychologists couldn't, in five seconds, understand the child's action with certainty, but a six-year-old is
expected to do just that.
He may not understand, but he learns quickly to explain himself. By adulthood, it is rare for any of us to say "I don't know" when asked about our behavior. There is a problem with that, though. How can we ever learn the true causes if we already accept our explanations?
Accepting Our Ignorance
A better way to approach these issues is to get in the habit of saying "I don't know." You can follow it with "Maybe it's because of..." and let the explanations spill out, but don't be too quick to accept any of them. Understand that it isn't always necessary to explain.
For example, even if you never know why you avoid a certain person, isn't it better to leave the question open than to accept a false explanation based on a habit of self-justification? Leave questions unanswered, and you may someday have a better understanding. Quick answers mean a quick stop in your thinking.
Self-explanation can be the death of self-understanding. Learn to accept your ignorance, and to keep observing yourself. Just say, "I don't know."
About the Author
Steve Gillman writes on many self help topics including boosting brainpower, losing weight, meditation, habits of mind, creative problem solving, learning gratitude, generating luck and anything related to self improvement. You'll find more at http://www.SelfImprovementNow.com
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