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How to Organize Christmas Toy Shopping
It's so easy to go overboard when shopping for kids this time of year. We want them to enjoy all the things we didn't have growing up. It's important to set limits though. 1. List all the children you'll buy for this Christmas. Don't forget an...
Parenting Predicaments
Predicament: My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother is 2 1/2. From the time his brother was born, until now, he has been loving, giving, and caring. Like all siblings sharing has not always come as easy. In the last few weeks he...
Parenting Strategy, One of the Worst Ever!
Some parents rush to serve every squeak and squawk from their kids. "I can't let my child feel pain!" said one dad. Parents, if you are giving way too much, find out why your parenting strategy may be one of the worst strategies ever.
I...
Parents, Teach Thought-Stopping! Fix Crooked Thinking Caps
Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe, groan, and grumble? Do you worry about your child’s attitude? If so, maybe your child’s thinking cap is crooked. If it is, you can help. First, understand what’s going haywire under that cap....
Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod
This philosophy's been around a long time. In fact, a study done by Zero to Three, a nonprofit child-development group, found that 61 percent of the adults who responded condone spanking as a regular form of punishment. The percentage of parents...
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A Little Girl With A Big Question
A few nights back, I was enjoying the nightly ritual of combing out my daughter's long hair after her bath. She always engages me in thought-provoking conversations during this time. It's become a special bonding session for us each evening, even if it's just to go over the new experiences she's had that day.
This time, though, she caught me off guard. My darling daughter, who won't even be five years old until next week, asked the famous question, "Mom, where do babies come from?"
I immediately started to respond, "Well, honey, when a man and a woman love each other, their love can make a baby...."
At this point, she quickly interrupted me..."No, mom, I mean, how does the baby get inside the mommy's tummy?"
That was all it took for me. Ten years of reading parenting magazines and advice books continuously, and I had forgotten everything I ever read on the proper response to this line of questioning. My chin dropped to my chest, and my mind was blank.
Luckily, I realized that I had to recover from my momentary brain-freeze, and come up with some sort of answer. My daughter isn't the type to let something go unanswered. To buy myself some time, I told her it wasn't easy to explain, and I'd look for a book that we could read together. This seemed to satisfy her for the time being.
Now, with a few days to get back to her, I can help other parents avoid being caught in the same situation. I'm sure I am not the only parent unprepared to have this conversation with a child this young. So what's the best approach, according to the 'experts'?
Regarding the best time to start talking about sex with your child, Planned Parenthood says, "It's best to start as soon as children begin getting sexual messages. And they start getting them as soon as they're born. But don't worry if you haven't started yet. It's never too late. Just don't try to "catch up" all at once. The most important thing is to be open and available whenever a child wants to talk. The rest will take care of itself." (How to Talk With Your Child About Sexuality: A Parent's Guide)
According to Pandorah Turner of www.RaisingKids.tv, "Your 5-year-old daughter may be happy with the simple answer that babies come from a seed that grows in a special place inside the mother. Dad helps when his seed combines with mom's seed, which causes the baby to start to grow" (Article: Talking To Your Daughter About The Birds & The Bees). To me, that seems like a very comfortable way to answer her question. However, it scares me to think what she might ask next!
Many experts state that you should only offer the information that your young children ask
for. If you get too involved beyond their specific questions, most likely they won't retain what you tell them. There is nothing wrong with admitting to your child that you don't know the answer to their question. Instead of possibly providing incorrect information, offer to look up the answers and get back to them, but make sure that you follow through. Be sure to use correct terminology when answering questions, especially when referring to anatomy. If the words make you uncomfortable, practice saying them when you are alone, before you try using them in conversations with your child.
When talking with a 2.5 to 5 year old, according to www.siecus.org, "You could say, 'Babies grow in a special place inside a mommy called a uterus.' If your child seems interested and asks more questions, offer more simple answers. The actual information you give your preschooler is less important than showing you're willing to talk openly about sexuality."
There are many books available on the subject, also. For example: "How Babies Are Made" by Andrew C. Andry, Steven Schepp, Blake Hampton (Illustrator) ASIN/0316042277
"Did the Sun Shine Before You Were Born" by Sola Gordon, Judith Gordon, Vivien Cohen (Illustrator), Sol Gordon ASIN/087975723X
"How You Were Born" by Joanna Cole, Margaret Miller (Photographer) ASIN/068812061X
And there are videos for your use, too, like: "How To Talk With Your Young Children About Sex...And Why It's Important" ASIN/096779840X
So, moms and dads, help is out there - make sure you look for it before you get stuck in my shoes! After picking up a few books, I'll be ready to educate my daughter. I'd rather have her learn about it here at home, than from the media, or her classmates. We live in a society where sex is everywhere we look. We can't simply avoid these uncomfortable conversations. Our children will learn about it. The important thing is to make sure they learn correctly. And if we keep them comfortable with asking us now, they will be much more likely to turn to us later in life as the outside world gets more complex.
My daughter reminded me once again that our children will continue to grow up, whether we are ready for them to or not. Sure, she's only going on five years old now, but I look back at these last five years, and I wonder how they could have gone by so amazingly fast. The next five years, and ten years, will be gone just as quickly. In today's whirlwind world, procrastination is not our best option.
About the Author
Valerie Zilinsky is a married mother of two young children, and 'WebMom' of http://www.RaisingOurKids.com
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