|
|
|
Baby Name Trends: From Classic to Hip
Goodbye Bertha, Hello Kaitlyn! The top baby names of today break with tradition and follow-up on new trends. Because choosing the perfect name can be a daunting task, many informative web sites have been launched with parents in mind. A name is...
Don't Make These 6 Mistakes When Your Child is Having Nightmares
It’s Tuesday 2:00 a.m. and you are awakened by your 4-year old daughter’s blood-curdling scream. A mother’s worst fear of someone hurting her baby is racing through your mind. You quickly throw the blankets off and stumble down the hall to your...
How Well Do You Know Your Child?
Do you think you really know your child? I don't mean know what he/she likes and doesn't like, but to know him/her well enough to understand his/her challenges, to appreciate his/her strengths and weaknesses and to help him/her develop his talents....
Never Pay Full Price For a Book!
Never Pay Full Price for a Book! Are you an avid reader? Are you trying to instill a love of reading in your children? My whole family loves to read! Right before bedtime every night, every one of us can be found with our nose in a book! It...
Parenting
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father.
The following suggestions will be useful for any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their relationships with their children.
In more extreme...
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are You Letting Your Children Manipulate You?
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine,
print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.
For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com
Title: Are You Letting Your Children Manipulate You?
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul
URL: http://www.innerbonding.com
Word Count: 695
Category: Parenting
Are You Letting Your Children Manipulate You?
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Rachael is the young mother of Nathan, who just turned two. Rachael is a stay-at-home mother who works part-time at home and has the help of a housekeeper five days a week. Rachael consulted with me because of her problems with Nathan.
“When Nathan is with David (her husband), he’s fine. He adores David and listens well to him. When he’s with Amalia (her housekeeper), he’s fine. He loves her and plays calmly with her. But when he’s with me, he’s impossible. He throws temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. He goes to sleep easily at night for David but not for me. I want so much to be a good mother and I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong. I never get angry with him but sometimes I feel like throwing him across the room! I need help!”
“Rachael, when you are with Nathan, what do you think is more important to you – to get him to love you or to be loving to yourself?”
Rachael replied instantly. “To get him to love me. I never think about loving myself. I just want him to love me. If he loves me, then I know that I’m a good mother.”
“And what does it say about you if you are a good mother?”
“It means that I’m okay,”
“So you have handed to Nathan the job of defining your worth. He has to love you for you to be okay. What do you think is most important to David?”
“Oh, David takes good care of himself. He really doesn’t seem concerned about whether or not Nathan loves him. He’s very loving to Nathan, but if David wants to eat dinner when Nathan want to play with him, he just eat dinner and Nathan seems to accept it. If I want to have my breakfast when Nathan wants to play, Nathan has a tantrum.”
“Rachael, Nathan has learned that he can manipulate you because you are so
concerned with how he feels about you. As long as his loving you is more important to you than taking loving care of yourself, he will be able to manipulate you. This is not good for him or for you. It is too big a burden on him to have the responsibility of defining your worth. As long as your worth is attached to being a good mother, Nathan will be able to manipulate you.”
“I can see that. Amalia is like David. If she has work to do, she just expects Nathan to play by himself, and he does. She loves him, but she is firm about what she needs to do. I can see that I give in all the time because I don’t want him to be upset with me. What can I do now to change this?”
“First of all, you need to consciously detach your worth from being a good mother. You need to do some inner work on defining your worth separately from being a mother. Your sense of worth needs to be attached to who you are – your kindness, compassion, empathy, warmth, aliveness. You need to take responsibility for defining your own worth rather than making Nathan, David, or anyone else responsible.
“Second, you need to care about taking care of yourself as much as you care about taking care of Nathan. Nathan is a brat with you because you don’t care about yourself when you are with him, so he has learned to not care about you. You are teaching him not to care about you when you do not care about yourself.”
“Okay, I think I get this. I’m really going to try to do it differently.”
Next week when we spoke in our phone session, Rachael reported that things had already dramatically changed. Nathan was listening to her, going right to sleep when she put him down, and seemed happier in general. His tantrums had not yet completely stopped, but they were far fewer. Rachael, too, felt happier because she was finally taking care of herself and her own needs. For the first time since giving birth to Nathan, she was having some time to herself.
About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com.
|
|
|
|
|
| Pregnancy | Baby | Child | Mom | Advice Tips & Resources for ... |
| Parenting magazine has everything you need to raise a happy, healthy family. Get expert advice on child development, the best in baby names, our pregnancy ... |
| www.parenting.com |
|
| Pregnancy & Parenting: For Today's Mom - iVillage |
| From trying to conceive through your child's teen years, iVillage Pregnancy & Parenting offers up-to-date and informative articles, features, expert advice ... |
| parenting.ivillage.com |
|
| Parenting.org – Help and guidance for parents! |
| Answers questions about parenting and has resources for better parenting. |
| www.parenting.org |
|
| Parents |
| Expert advice about pregnancy, your kids, your life, and family time from the editors of Parents magazine. |
| www.parents.com |
|
| BBC - Parenting |
| Practical solutions to help with the challenges of everyday parenting - including expert advice as well as tips from other mums and dads. |
| www.bbc.co.uk |
|
| Parenting, Pregnancy,Conception, Babynames - Parenthood.com |
| Information regarding parenthood and parenting. Find the meanings of Baby names and useful articles on parenting. |
| www.parenthood.com |
|
| Parenting advice, child development and family reference at ... |
| FamilyEducation.com provides parents with educational printables, games, activities, parenting ideas, tips, family advice, and information on learning ... |
| www.familyeducation.com |
|
| MedlinePlus: Parenting |
| From the National Institutes of Health; Adventures in Parenting (National Institute of Child Health and Human Development) ... |
| www.nlm.nih.gov |
|
| The National Parenting Center |
| Support site for parenting. Dedicated to providing parents with comprehensive and responsible guidance from the world's most renowned child-rearing ... |
| www.tnpc.com |
|
| About - Parenting & Family |
| Parenting advice from moms and dads who know what's up. Whether your babies are still actual infants, or about to enter college, our Guides will give you ... |
| about.com |
|
| Positive Parenting - Main Menu |
| Debbie Critzer Positive Parenting is dedicated to providing resources and info rmation ... Welcome to Positive Parenting online! For our long-time readers, ... |
| www.positiveparenting.com |
|
| Parenting Tips and Information on Baby Care and Pregnancy. |
| This parenting and baby care resource center offers essential pregnancy, baby care and development information, tips, and articles. |
| www.parenttime.com |
|
| Parenting, Children's Health and Education, Family Crafts and ... |
| Parenting, Children, and Families - ParentCenter is the most trusted online resource for parents of young kids. ParentCenter offers free weekly newsletters, ... |
| parentcenter.babycenter.com |
|
| Parenting - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| The term "child training" implies a specific type of parenting that focuses on ... Parenting measures can also be observational, such as the Parent-Child ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
|
| Today's Parent |
| At Todaysparent.com you'll find a parenting community to call your own, with a library of information on all the ages and stages of your growing family, ... |
| www.todaysparent.com |
|
| Indian Parenting - The Definitive Guide |
| Comprehensive website for Indian parents with topics ranging from pregnancy to raising children, including articles on infertility, health and medicine, ... |
| www.indiaparenting.com |
|
| Exceptional Parent Magazine - Eparent.com - parenting those with ... |
| Magazine for parents of children or young adults with disabilities. Includes reports, forum, products links, books. |
| www.eparent.com |
|
| Parenting: information, advice and support from toddler to teenage |
| Parenting advice, information and support to help you with your family, from toddler to teens. |
| www.ivillage.co.uk |
|
| Parenting-QA.com - Parenting Questions and Answers For Parents in ... |
| All parents have questions about their children’s behavior, growth, and development. The challenges of parenting seem never-ending and constantly evolving. |
| www.parenting-qa.com |
|
| Parenting Teens - Troubled Teen Help Information. |
| Information for parents of teens, including troubled teens, parenting tips, teen education, and more. |
| www.parentingteens.com |
|
|