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Boy, Do We Get The Garbage!
For the most part I view our family as the typical nuclear family.. reflecting the personal and practical living priorities of the times we live in. It's certainly not reflective of the family in which I was raised, but those times were different....
Children's Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives double messages, produces anxiety and can be very confusing to your children? Children need to know where they stand in their behaviors. It is therefore critical for parents to...
Friends, Fish, & The Future
As a parent, have you ever secretly thought to yourself that maybe it was wrong of you to bring your children into a world like ours? I have had that thought cross my mind fleetingly over the years, particularly when I turn on the evening news, or...
Pen Pal Romance
We have all heard the wonderfully romantic stories of pen pals that wrote to each other for years without meeting because they lived hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. Some friend of a friend set them up as pen pals or she decided to...
The Absentee Parent - Parenting From A Distance
You want to be able to continue having a great relationship with your kids after separation
or divorce. This means focusing on the kids rather than your ex-partner. You need to be
parents rather than partners.
Breaking up is difficult...
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Saying "Yes" (so they won't know it's no) guiding behavior = peaceful parenting
guiding behavior for peaceful parenting
~ guiding behavior for peaceful parenting ~
After this afternoon's fiasco, I've developed a new parenting philosophy: never deny your child anything.
"Yes, darling, of course you can take drugs (after you kill me and do away with my body)."
"Sure, dear - do start smoking! As soon as you've eaten these three packs of menthol cigarettes..."
"Of course you can have a chocolate bar, baby. When you're finished that broccoli, we'll walk over to the store and buy one."
"You sure can go outside honey! Once we're done picking up your toys, we'll play on the swings together."
Keep direct negative replies at bay unless it's imperative such as in a potentially dangerous situation. A curbside "Mommy, can I cross the street by myself?" needs to be dealt with instantly and distinctly. Discussion and education can take place later.
Of course, you've got to be right on the ball otherwise it's quite possible that you may inadvertently agree to bungee-jumping directly the
vacuuming is done. If you've erred, the back-up here to is belly laugh loudly (holding your sides for further effect), wipe your eyes and say: "My, my! I'm just being so silly today!"
If you're in a non-critical circumstance but still need to say "no" (such as the invariable plea to stay up a little longer), try going sideways: "On the weekend, you can stay up till 10:00, but only if you go to sleep right now".
By using "no" less often, it will be taken more seriously by the kids when you do say it. In the same way, your qualified yes gives the child what she wants ("yes, you can paint") as well as what you want ("as soon as we put away these puzzle pieces"). Tasks assigned with your proviso should be done together as much as possible, to keep your positive-negative positive, non?
About the Author
Stephanie Olsen is owner of Family Life Abroad: the expatriate place, where you'll find informative and humorous articles by experienced expatriates on all aspects of living abroad, plus links, travel tips and more.
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