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The Complex World of Male - Female Relationships
So you've made it into the stadium and you are now stepping onto
the playing field for your first day of practice with the Dallas
Cowboys. Nervous excitement courses through your veins as the
coach talks about the various formations he is going to run the
team through and begins to discuss the different play calls and
strategies he will be using during this season's games.
While much of what the coach talks about initially lies within
the realm of football common sense and comes easily to you,
there are a few nuances in the game plan that you will be
unfamiliar with. Also, some of the plays are new to you and
could cause complications and confusion in the season ahead if
you don't understand them.
A team's language will guide you in how to interact and
communicate with your teammates on the playing field. This
language that each player must learn is full of individual
components, called the "plays." For each "play," there is a
"plan." Each of these "plays" and "plans" has been specially
formulated through years of research and scientific study,
producing entire systems of proven techniques that can make
winners out of the players and teams.
Once the methods were proven effective, they were gathered
together and worked into a playbook for each team to base its
"plays" and "plans" on. It is that playbook that each teammate
must learn in order to be part of the winning team. This process
is much the same as that of the "plays" and "plans" of a
relationship. You need to read the manual, learn from those who
are already where you want to be in their relationships and
listen actively to your partner in order to learn how to speak
their language. Once you learn this language, you can enter the
game confidently and achieve victory!
A woman's perception of her relationship, as well as the
language she uses within a relationship may seem very
complicated, and sometimes confusing. You may find particular
things in her language syntax that are hard to understand and
certainly difficult to interpret! And as if that weren't enough,
many women have a tendency to turn over and over in their heads
most of what is said to them, finding more than what may
actually be there.
While men tend to go with the flow without over-analyzing
things, women try to find out what's behind the words they see
and hear when dealing with their loved ones. This process is
intuitively part of their naturally protective circuitry,
helping them emotionally guard themselves and their loved ones.
Have you ever heard the statement, "You don't want to mess with
Mother Bear?" This applies here because women are built as
nurturers and maintain a natural curiosity about their
environment, in order to help them protect themselves and those
they love from perceived dangers.
This natural curiosity triggers what I like to call the "need
to know" gene. Women have the "need to know" or to discover all
the "information" about their surroundings and then make
judgment calls as to any dangers that may affect those they
love. This of course, can lead to any number of natural
responses to the perceived dangers of their surroundings and an
inherent desire to analyze all causes and effects. Because
curiosity (analyzing) is a natural response for women, it tends
to bleed over into other areas of their lives, namely their
relationships.
In addition to analyzing most of what is said to them, women
may often have hidden meaning in what they say, even if they
don't intend to put it there. Men are not as complicated (in a
good way) with their spoken language. What men say is most often
what they mean. So, why is it that so many women seem to include
hidden messages behind their words? In the same way that women
tend to over-analyze things, sometimes they also include hidden
meaning in their spoken words. The reasons for this can be
partially found by looking at the traditional upbringing and
social history of women.
Parents and other adults teach women, at a very early age, that
they need to be strong, confident and know what they want. They
are also told that they need to be assertive and independent in
order to succeed at fulfilling their dreams and desires for
their future.
In reality, though, oftentimes the media image of a woman is
much different. Society in general, sees images of successful
women on television and in the movies that are more demure and
non-aggressive, but still get what they need and desire.
The woman on television or in the media, who ends up with the
man of her dreams, may have played it "coy," playing off on her
seeming "need" for the man. The media image presented is often
in direct conflict with the way that a woman may have been
raised. Because of these two conflicting images, women have now
received mixed messages and are subjected to confusing images
about the way they should behave in society. On top of this,
women see the men around them as being intrigued and often
fascinated by the media image of a woman, an image that may not
always interconnect with the ideals and values that they, as
women, were brought up with.
Because of this, women may be unsure how to present themselves
and may seek to bring forward aspects of both images at the same
time. As a result, they may confuse the two images, hiding their
true feelings and thoughts deep within their words, all the
while struggling to achieve the final goal of communicating
their needs or "message" to those that participate in their
lives.
Our environment has a great deal to do with how we relate and
react to each other as well as how we communicate with other
people. Another huge factor in our character make-up is the
individual chemistry that everyone is born with. While much has
been said about how different the sexes are, how much do we
actually know? The facts show that men and women are conceived
equally in terms of their overall intelligence.
However, somewhere between the twelfth and fourteenth weeks of
pregnancy, there is a testosterone wash that flows over the
brain of a male baby. i This wash does not take place during the
formation of a female baby. Let's take a look at how the brain
works and try to understand why this is so important.
Testosterone is one of the main chemicals that enable the
brain to manufacture and create serotonin, which is an important
neurotransmitter in the brain, causing certain nerve cells in
the brain to activate and become livelier. Serotonin can also
act as an inhibitor. Most neurotransmitters can act as both an
exciter and an inhibitor. Serotonin affects the brain's
interior, known as the ganglia.
The ganglia are the network of the brain, which is divided
into two cells, the L cell and the R cell. Scientists believe
that one of these cells makes serotonin and the other produces
dopamine.
Dopamine is "a monoamine neurotransmitter formed in the brain
and is essential to the normal functioning of the central
nervous system. ii" Dopamine acts as an inhibitor in the
ganglia, thereby causing a calming effect and dampening
activity.
It is believed that during the testosterone wash, a balance
between the L cells and the R cells are set, determining the
amount of serotonin and dopamine that the brain's network will
use. This also determines how spatially or temporally aware a
person is, with men being born more spatially aware and women
more temporally aware. A person who is spatially aware is
generally a "left-brain" individual and someone who is
temporally aware, is generally a "right-brain" individual.
The word "spatial" is defined as "relating to space. iii" As
men are generally more spatially aware, they tend to be better
at judging distances, which comes in handy during parallel
parking! The word "temporal," meanwhile, is defined as being "of
or limited by time. iv" This may explain why women seem to be
able to associate time and events without much difficulty.
You know what I am talking about here men, that little thing
that really bothers men about women -- she remembers everything
she thinks you have done wrong and when you did it! I believe
this is due in part because of a woman's propensity for temporal
awareness.
Because of the testosterone wash, men tend to be more "left-
brain" oriented and women rely more readily on the
"right-brain." "Left-brain" individuals tend to be more
interested in facts, inclined to logic and reason. They are more
motivated in providing for the home and usually more interested
in becoming engineers, mathematicians and scientist. These are
just a few career choices that a "left-brain" individual might
make.
A "right-brain" individual tends to be better at, and more
interested in, developing relationships and dealing with
emotional issues. They are more inclined to emotions and
passions and are generally more motivated by investing in the
relationships of the home. Their career choices tend to put them
in the roles of caregivers or into jobs where they can use their
artistic, investigative and research abilities.
This is in contrast to the general tendencies of
"left-brained" individual. Again, a clearer picture begins to be
revealed when we look at the differences between the sexes in
this light. Most men might find a leisurely reading of Popular
Mechanics or Programmer's Security Desk Reference fundamentally
more interesting than reading Ladies' Home Journal or Parent
Child Magazine, while women are just the opposite.
This is simply a matter of one's interest and NOT an
intellectual issue, as both men and women can be motivated for
various reasons to read on all the subjects mentioned. Remember
that both sexes are born equally in terms of intelligence.
My uncle gave me a funny example the other day of how men see
women's thought patterns when it comes to making decisions. I
thought that this insight was a great example of men conquering
and women looking for sequence and order before they tackle the
matter at hand.
Here's what he had to say: "Men rule by action. Women rule by
committee. For example: Man sees hill, climbs hill. Woman sees
hill, forms discussion group, sets up hill climbing committee,
votes for hill climbing team, schedules climb date, checks rain
fall charts, does studies to locate best path, sends out scouts,
and much, much, much, much later... finally climbs the hill."
The facts stated thus far pertain only to our pre-disposition
at birth. The things we experience each day, the lessons that we
are taught as we move through our daily lives and the personal
choices we make along the way will also be determining factors
in how "left-brain" or "right-brain" we become. These factors
will also directly affect our communication with and
relationship to others.
The good news is that since each of us has the freedom to make
personal choices, we can learn to hear and understand each
other's language when we step onto the playing field to begin
practice! "Your hands made me and formed me; give me
understanding to learn your commands." Psalms 119:73
Once you step up and onto the playing field, however, you will
need to hear exactly what the coach has to say during practice
if you want to make it to your first game. Copyright © 2005 Jaci
Rae and North Shore Records, Inc. For more information about
Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown at a
Time, go to: www.winningpoints.net or simonsays.com
About the author:
Jaci Rae is the #1 Best Selling author of "Winning Points with
the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time" ISBN 0974622907
and "The Indie Guide To Music, Marketing and Money" ISBN
097462294X as well as the host of the Jaci Rae show. To hear
Jaci's popular show, with some of the top behind the scenes as
well as famous bands go to: www.jacirae.com click on the weekly
show link.
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