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Building "Hedges" Around Your Marriage

Building “Hedges” around Your Christian Marriage
Author Interview with Nancy C. Anderson, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome
By Lisa M. Hendey

I typically "blur over" when reading books related to relationships, but Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome (Kregel, December 2004, paperback, 112 pages) by Nancy C. Anderson grabbed me from page one. This is probably due to the fact that Anderson takes time to share her own experience and marriage prior to jumping into suggestions for how you can improve yours.

In the first section of the book, we learn why Nancy calls herself a "cheater" on the opening page and we experience the strains and near break up of her own marriage. Thanks to the power of prayer, true forgiveness and the guidance of loving parents, Nancy and Ron were able to work through the challenges they faced and have now gone on to be happily married for 26 years.

Given this backdrop, the second section of the book is filled with helpful principles that will enable couples to avoid the many extramarital temptations that may crop up in even the strongest of Christian marriages. Nancy shares her ideas and wisdom in a fun, very readable fashion.

The "things to do" and "things to think about" sections at the completion of each chapter help to pull together the concepts presented and to apply them to one's own relationship. This is a great resource for couples in all stages of marriage and equally valuable to couples either happily married or facing challenges. Invest the time to read this book and share it with your spouse.

Nancy Anderson has the following to share about her new book and safeguarding your Christian marriage.

Q: Nancy thanks so much for your time and for this great book! You start off right away by introducing yourself as a "cheater". Why did you feel compelled to share your own experience of adultery in this book and how do you hope that this can help readers?

A: The reason I tell my story is to, hopefully, prevent it from becoming someone else’s story. I am willing to say, “I’ve been to the other side of the fence and I can tell you that the grass is NOT greener. It’s full of weeds and thorns…it’s a lie.” I want to tell couples that if they water their own marriages, they can grow a beautiful, healthy “green” relationship in their own backyard.

Q: Could you please briefly describe the six protective "hedges" we can build around our marriages to keep them intact and flourishing?

A: The H.E.D.G.E.S. are all action words, because we have to be proactive in our marriages, always rebuilding, remodeling, and reconnecting as life brings challenges that can divide us.

Hearing - Listening to your spouse is they key to unlocking their heart. People who have committed adultery often say, “My wife/husband never listened to me - they never heard me.”
“The hearing ear and the seeing eye, the Lord has made both of them.” Prov. 20:12.

Encouraging - Experience the teamwork building power of a helping hand and a compliment. Focus on the positive qualities of your mate.
“So then, let us aim for harmony…and try to build each other up.” Romans 14:19

Dating - Build a life that celebrates marriage. Have fun, laugh and play together.
“Let your fountains be blessed. Rejoice with the wife (husband) of your youth.” Proverbs 5:18

Guarding - Establish safeguards for your relationship. Set clear boundaries, that neither of you should cross.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” Proverbs 4:23

Educating - Study your mate as if he or she was a textbook. Seek to understand and appreciate your mate’s unique qualities.
“Dwell with your wife according to knowledge” 1st Peter 3:7

Satisfying - Meet each other’s needs. Ask your spouse what he or she needs from you, and then do those things.
“You


shall be like a well-watered Garden” Isaiah 58:11

Q: What role should faith play in the marital union? Why is commitment to a Church family so integral?

A: When I had my affair, my husband and I were lukewarm Christians who were not attending church. That lack of accountability lead to my self-deceptive thinking. I didn’t get Godly council and I took advice from non-Christians. I believed the world’s lie; “You deserve to be happy,” I sought feelings over truth and selfishness over self-control. I took God off the throne of my life and lived to please myself.

Now, with Christ as the foundation of our marriage and our church as our social and spiritual base, we stand firm and accountable to other Christians.

Q: I know that many couples who are experiencing marital challenges will benefit from their reading of your book, but why should happily married couples invest their time in reading Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome?

A: Because preventing an affair is always better than trying to recover from one. Some security firms hire reformed burglars to show them where their property is vulnerable; I can show you where your marriage may be vulnerable. Also, every husband and wife should know the warning signs that may indicate your mate is having an affair. If you have a good marriage, this book will give you creative ways to make it great. It has many fun and practical ways to keep your marriage fresh and exciting.

Q: You discuss planting "guarding hedges" in some of the areas of one's life where temptation might creep in - could you please say a few words about these, especially the workplace and church environments.

A: Jake and I worked together. He told me that I was funny, pretty and smart. He laughed at my jokes and bathed me in compliments. Those compliments were like magnets and I became very attracted to him. My husband was critical and rarely praised me, so I was starving for positive attention. I’m not excusing what I did, but the workplace can be a dangerous environment if you are not being “watered” at home.

Most affairs begin with a flirtation and flirting can happen anywhere, even at church. Choir members, Sunday school teachers, and committee leaders often work together at church activities, and that can lead to trouble if the relationship becomes too personal. We have to guard our hearts, even at church. If you are attracted to someone, stay away, and don’t allow an inappropriate bond to form - we are told to flee temptation.

Q: Thanks again for your time. What do you feel is the single most important factor in creating and maintaining a successful marriage?

A: For me it has been the friendship factor. I not only love my husband, I like him. Our relationship is not just based on passion and romance, it’s deeper than that. Those things may come and go during the years, but our friendship, trust and devotion are stronger and more stable that our emotions. Love based on caring for each other and a firm commitment to Christ is described in Ecclesiastes 4:12b where is says that a three-stranded cord is not easily broken. If you love God, and each other, in thought word and deed, your three-stranded-marriage will survive and thrive.

For more information on Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome visit http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/082542013x/catholicmomcom

Lisa M. Hendey, wife, mother and webmaster of http://www.CatholicMom.com and http://www.ChristianColoring.com is an avid reader and writes from Fresno, California. Visit her at http://www.lisahendey.com for more information.





About the Author

Lisa M. Hendey, wife, mother and webmaster of http://www.CatholicMom.com and http://www.ChristianColoring.com is an avid reader and writes from Fresno, California. Visit her at http://www.lisahendey.com for more information.

 

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  • im sorry blame game or accountability

  • index

  • intelligence of cats part 1

  • intelligence of cats part 2

  • interior decorating for cats

  • interior decorating for cat owners

  • intersting baby facts strange but true

  • interview with a coach who helps men become better fathers

  • introducing a cat to your children

  • introducing a new kitten to your older cat

  • is a boxer dog the right pet for you

  • is my child ready for a family pet

  • is pet insurance right for you

  • is recoverypets com all that its cracked up to be

  • is that apartment hazardous to your health

  • is your pet malnourished

  • its ok for your child to be bored in fact its recommended

  • it pays for single christians to date other like minded people

  • jackass stunts high school hazing and herd mentality how can parents of teenagers protect kids from doing stupid things

  • january soul snacks

  • john wayne vs petticoat approach to parenting

  • john wayne vs the petticoat approach to parenting

  • july mealtime ideas

  • just a little willingness to love

  • k1 visas in russia

  • keeping worms out of your home network

  • keep family reunions under one roof

  • keep things in order with a written home decorating plan

  • kids activities how to make your own puppet theaters and finger puppets

  • kids can clean too

  • kids movie party theme

  • kids party etiquette for parents

  • kittens are just the cutest things

  • kitty treats pet food

  • lab created diamonds are now exceedingly good

  • ladies what you should know before buying a car

  • lamb stew pet food

  • landlords checking out potential tenants

  • landlords right to enter

  • large size shoes dont always have to be uncomfortable

  • las vegas catering for your wedding

  • las vegas florists for you wedding

  • learn how to bank like a banker

  • lessons in shooting hoops

  • lets get serious about the nursing home tour

  • lets pretend

  • lets say youre a dog are you so competitive youd eat a carrot

  • let kissing liven up your meetings and more kissing tips

  • let your children name the new baby

  • life insurance wise investment in personal finance or excessive caution

  • lindsay lohan to star in herbie the love bug remake

  • list of refrences and resources related to cats

  • living will and durable power of attorney for health care what is the difference

  • living with pets keeping your baby safe

  • looking for satellite tv

  • look slimmer in plus size swimwear

  • loose moissanite stones a great way to buy your moissanite wedding jewelry

  • los angeles plastic surgeon treat yourself to surgery at its best

  • los padres y la televisi¢n

  • louis vuitton avoiding the ebay nightmare fakes

  • love discrimination

  • lyme disease in dogs

  • lyme disease treatment in pets

  • maintaining your fish bowls

  • make a list check it twice and dont forget your pets

  • make gift baskets for fun profit

  • make life easy for your pet

  • make the connection start disciplining with love

  • make the most of your mudroom storage

  • make time for your relationship

  • make your own gourmet gift baskets

  • making passion more passionate

  • making the grade

  • managing the pain of abusive relationships

  • managing your time in your new home based business

  • manicure at home

  • man made diamonds the affordable alternative for your wedding jewelry

  • marriages may end but families are forever

  • marriage and the election

  • matters of hearts

  • maximize space with loft beds

  • mens diamond rings the ultimate wedding ring for the modern man

  • mens moissanite wedding rings or is moissanite a mans best friend

  • mens moissanite wedding rings to beat other gifts any day

  • mens wedding bands a whole world of choice

  • mens wedding rings should a man wear one or not

  • micro dermabrasion hurting skin to heal it

  • mindfulness youre soaking in it

  • moissanite diamonds a tinsel on earth

  • moissanite diamonds the beauty of diamonds without the price tag

  • moissanite earrings the modern brazilian beetle

  • moissanite engagement rings find the perfect glam youre looking for

  • moms car stereo

  • more crazy college roommate stories

  • mosquitoes are a hazard to your pets health too

  • mosquitoes are a hazard to your pet s health too

  • mounting responsibilities have some homeowners afraid to leave the house

  • moving day etiquette

  • moving into a new apartment know all the costs

  • moving into your first apartment know all the costs

  • moving out a renters obligations

  • moving your pet

  • moving your pets

  • mrs disney

  • muscle spasms mimic symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome cause repetitve strain injury

  • my stomach hurts i cant go to school today

  • my tips to take care of a new dog

  • national pet memorial day september 11 2005

  • natural babycare products you can create

  • need a great family or on your own winter activity

  • need a low maintenance pet try a tarantula

  • need plus size apparel no problem

  • nervous cats wining the trust of a timid cat

  • new apartment what do you owe

  • new mom new baby new debt

  • now youre engaged how do you choose a mens wedding ring

  • no no no what else is a parent to say

  • obesity isnt the only problem with todays youth entertainment

  • of drugs and youth

  • old fashioned ways to inspire children

  • olivias 5 and learning emotional intelligence

  • one stop resource solves moving hassles

  • online poker chips away at sexual stereotypes

  • online shopping 10 tips for safe online shopping

  • on the line

  • orchard fresh

  • organize your move with a moving checklist

  • organizing challenges and hurdles

  • our house is a danger zone

  • outdoor fun safely

  • o porque da fidelidade

  • pakistani pop music

  • pampering your pet with gold dog tags

  • parents teach thought stopping fix crooked thinking caps

  • parrot for pets

  • paternity testing are you raising someone elses child

  • pay attention its your most important job

  • peter command gemmas love

  • petite clothing misconceptions

  • petite women in search of petite size jeans

  • pets can be fun for the whole family

  • pets r us

  • pets the wild kind

  • pet allergies

  • pet identification tags and the internet

  • pet loss can be just as devastating

  • pet memorial in remembrance of our special pet friends

  • pet owner are the majority population in the u s

  • pet pampering popular with animal lovers

  • pet peeve dogs doing business where not wanted

  • pet policies pleading your case successfully

  • pet predicaments

  • pet services are a multi billion dollar industry

  • pet tags an overview

  • phishing is bad very bad in this digital river

  • picky eaters the dawn of understanding

  • picky eater kid nutritional guidelines

  • pink diamond rings for divas only

  • playground pettiness

  • please dont go alleviating separation anxiety

  • plus size bras larger online selection

  • plus size dress apparel need some tips for buying

  • plus size formal dresses there are places to go to get them

  • plus size maternity clothes keep baby and mom comfortable

  • plus size prom dresses get the latest fashions

  • plus size sexy lingerie to look as great as you feel

  • plus size womens clothing having difficulty finding it

  • pms premenstrual syndrome

  • pokemon exposed

  • popping pimples is it worth it

  • popularity of cats and cat family

  • postpartum depression recognizing the signs

  • prayer is powerful exciting

  • pregnancy week by week

  • prepared people provide the competitive edge

  • preparing for your new pet

  • pretend play and dress up encourages imaginative play

  • preventing child abductions

  • preventing obesity in young children

  • protecting the family pet

  • protecting the smallest member of your family a step by step guide to pet insurance

  • protect your pets from the pound

  • protein its place in your weight loss program

  • providing the best care for your goldfish

  • public schools can waste 12 years of your childs life

  • puppets turned into muppets under age drinkers

  • puppies kittens rabbits hamsters fish tanks exotic pets and bird houses

  • puppy development

  • pythons are becoming common pets

  • quality dog food is essential for the health of dogs

  • quantum less time and mathematically deprived theory

  • quench your thirst

  • rabbits can be great pets

  • rainbow gardens for your vegas wedding

  • rainy day fun crafts for kids

  • raising a self sufficient teen

  • raising creative grandchildren

  • raising emotionally intelligent sons

  • raising strong daughters

  • ray nordstrand and cindy sheehan at the 7 11

  • real roommate ads published in newspapers

  • recoverypets com dispels the myths

  • recoverypets com vs other pet registration services

  • removing ink stains

  • renting with pets

  • repetitive stress injuries avoid the pain

  • resilience an emotional intelligence competency we need today

  • reuniting lost pets with their owners

  • revenge serve it cold

  • review of biscuit storybook collection

  • review tv critic reviews higglytown heroes

  • right hand bling rings the ultimate new accessory for the savvy single woman

  • rotator

  • sauteed liver pet food

  • save by buying plus size fashions online

  • school days top 10 tips for establishing a good routine

  • scrapbooking teen memories

  • selecting the right gifts for dad has never been easier

  • senior citizen calling tips

  • sexy plus size lingerie for the well built woman

  • shadow fun

  • shared rental agreement for roommates

  • share the fun

  • sharing journals

  • shirley temple stories

  • shoes gone astray

  • shrink your long distance bill part 1

  • signs of teething baby

  • sign up for your child

  • simple living

  • simple science

  • sizzling hot summer sun money making fun

  • slash your grocery prices with coupons

  • slimmer legs stress free

  • so the thing is im feeling a little guilty

  • so you want to start a home daycare

  • spanking children

  • speaking with our children about the death of pope john paul ii

  • spelling games

  • spending time with your child

  • spring cleaning is always in season

  • spurce up your garden with decorative birdhouses

  • stans legacy my fathers impact on his 13 children

  • stop dont give your cat that chocolate

  • strattera the new adhd medication

  • study shows high pollutant levels in mothers milk

  • stuffed toys that are suitable and safe

  • stupid advice

  • sucessful aging

  • sugar and spice and things not so nice

  • summertime bugs and creepy crawlies

  • summertime cleaning tips

  • summertime salads

  • sun safety

  • surprising health benefits for pet owners

  • surprising new info about children allergies and pets

  • surprising new info on children allergies and pets

  • survival guide for the holidays

  • symbolism of wedding rings

  • s t o p a four step strategy for handling conflicts and healing your relationship

  • table for one the apartment dwellers dilemma

  • take back your time day is coming

  • take care of your inner beauty

  • taking the stress out of packing

  • taking your kids perspective

  • teachers pet

  • teenagers taking risks

  • teething symptoms and how to treat them

  • ten careers for high school seniors who hate school

  • ten ways to become your teenagers best friend

  • term life insurance vs permanent life insurance

  • terri schiavos gift

  • texas family law child support

  • these are the benefits of using recoverypets com

  • theyre not just pants theyre dockers

  • the 411 on natural baby colic remedies

  • the 411 on natural colic remedies

  • the abcs of raising twins

  • the advent of global pet recovery

  • the baby teething process

  • the best acne cures what will clear my skin for good

  • the b word

  • the case against raw frozen pet foods

  • the changing shape of family finances

  • the chinese year of the pig

  • the christmas gift short story

  • the collapse of the american standard of living

  • the competition bug a moms sickness

  • the courage of disabled pets

  • the different breeds of dogs

  • the elements of creativity attributes listing method

  • the elements of creativity what ifs

  • the english were always philistines sir roy

  • the essence of infidelity

  • the friend

  • the fugitive

  • the gifts we give our dogs

  • the gift shopping blues

  • the great baby name debate

  • the implied law of habitability

  • the importance of dog id tags

  • the importance of pet id tags

  • the joys of being healthy

  • the joy of having puppies

  • the last day of who cares

  • the legal process of an eviction

  • the maharishi ayurveda approach to beauty and skin care with nancy lonsdorf m d

  • the mystery and charm of the tooth fairy

  • the narcissist and his family

  • the need for pet recovery services

  • the perfect string quartet repertoire for your wedding

  • the pet food ingredient game

  • the positve benefits of dog day care

  • the property thief

  • the recent phenomenon of futon bunk beds

  • the sentimental meaning of flowers

  • the surge of the urge

  • the thin line between teaching perseverance and pushing too much

  • the top 10 life lessons your child can learn from playing golf

  • the top 10 reasons to own a pet

  • the top 10 ways to take the fear out of retirement

  • things to think about before you buy a pet bird

  • this old house just became a home

  • those old tv shows

  • thrifty but unique holiday gifts for young children

  • thumbs up

  • tips for bathing your pet inside

  • tips for the thanksgiving pre game jitters

  • tips on hamster breeding

  • titanium mens wedding rings the contemporary look for the modern man

  • tools to find family friendly content

  • too good to be true

  • too many cats

  • top 5 best gifts for your pets

  • toys for rabbits

  • toys for your pet that are safe and fun

  • toy dog breeds

  • to know you is to love you

  • traditional anniversary gifts year by year for one hundred years

  • train your dog to be your frisbee playing buddy

  • train your dog with respect

  • traveling with your pet a quick checklist for pet owners

  • treating head lice

  • trick or treating safety

  • true love part 1

  • true roommate story filth taken to a new level

  • tv news turn it off and get a better picture of the world

  • understanding your introverted teen

  • under carpet heating in the nursery to help your baby sleep through the night combat illness and allergies and protect their delicate skin

  • unique baby names

  • unique ideas for girlfriend get togethers

  • unique ideas to celebrate valentines day this year

  • unique mens wedding bands for when common wont do

  • unique storage ideas for your home to help you organize with style

  • use a leash for the love of your pet

  • use harry potter trivia in effective reading lesson plans

  • using psychology of color to decorate a dining room

  • using silk flowers should i

  • valentines far from home

  • validating vs indulging childrens feelings

  • veal stew pet food

  • visiting the library

  • vix swimwear unique sexy

  • want to feel better go stroke your cat

  • warranties offered to help pet owners lease properties

  • water damage in a rental unit

  • ways for a kid to make money

  • weaning a baby

  • wedding etiquette who pays for what

  • wedding invitationstodays etiquette and wording

  • wedding planning involve your fiance in 10 easy steps

  • we all wish that our children have good virtues but are we setting a good example ourselves

  • what are pug puppies

  • what a landlord must think about before he allows pets

  • what do you want to be when you grow up

  • what every cat lover should know about cat health

  • what gift can i give a bird lover this christmas

  • what is abuse

  • what is a good age to marry

  • what is homeschooling and how do i know if its right for my family

  • what is moissanite if not a cosmic gem

  • what is really in your pets food

  • what kids learn thats positive from playing video games

  • what online gifts have come to mean to the shopper

  • what to look for when you inspect your apartment

  • what to pay when you cant pay everything

  • what you should never feed your dog

  • whens sarah coming home helping your child understand death

  • when can your landlord enter your apartment

  • when do you pray

  • when family members are reacting differently to the loss of your pet

  • when mother comes to visit

  • when only the best will do

  • when to start teaching your baby 2

  • when youre the noisy neighbor

  • when your child dies

  • wheres the meat in my pets food

  • where do you cast

  • where to find free dog tags

  • where to find free jewish dating services

  • where will your kids get a job

  • whiskers

  • whos going home for the holidays is it you or your inner brat

  • why are we addicted to criminal trials

  • why cockatiel is the best pet bird for the beginner

  • why does my cat drink dirty water

  • why does one simple recoverypets com pet tag mean so much

  • why dogs rule

  • why should we get kittens as pets

  • wildheartranch com newest content website addition favoritepetstories com creates format to share your favorite pet stories

  • winter its not over yet

  • with great reverence

  • women and colon cleansing women and colonic health

  • women are you selling yourself short pricing for a healthy business

  • words ignorance and casper the friendly ghost

  • work smarter not harder

  • wrinkle remover that works

  • writing the chapters of your life surprising insights using this special journaling technique

  • writing your life stories

  • yes you can budget

  • youre having a party

  • your cat the hunter

  • your childs first pet

  • your childs most basic needs

  • your dog is a social animal and needs you

  • your home and garden decor creating bountiful spaces

  • your kids want a pet you dont want to pet anything

  • your pets health what every pet owner should know

  • your pet may be a shamanic healer

  • you dont have to be a rocket scientist to pass an iq quiz

  • zales diamond engagement rings a patented cut

  • zenobia life lessons