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For a Business That Licks the Competition, Become a Pet-Sitter!
As you know, millions of American families go on vacation every year. It's the great American Summer tradition. And now, with travel prices going down, many more families are expected to travel this year. This is why now is the perfect...
How To Have A Happy And Healthy Back To School
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Keep Things In Order With A Written Home Decorating Plan
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The thin line between teaching perseverance and pushing too much
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What Kids Learn That’s POSITIVE from Playing Video Games
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Dads, Take your Kids' Perspective

"As a child, the critical eye of my father seemed to follow me around wherever I went." (Arthur C. Clarke)

It's quite easy for most fathers to look at their kids with a critical eye.
And why not? There's a lot riding on the outcome of your kids' development. There's the nagging worry that you're not doing your job well enough and that your child will develop "problems." There's also the fear of being judged as an incompetent or uninvolved father by others. And there is the relentless presence of your children, making mistakes by the truckload while you watch.

They do make mistakes. Lots of them. And you have a number of choices about how you respond to those mistakes and how critical you are of your kids. Let's consider some different ways of looking at this issue to see if we can get some perspective:

A Different Angle

If you're a father who's really honest with yourself, you'll acknowledge that much of the judgement and criticism that you have towards your kids is really your own critical judgement about yourself. It's usually easier to be critical of your kids than to turn the spotlight on yourself, isn't it? If you're not careful as a father, you may run the risk of "teaching" your kids low self-esteem through your criticism and judgement of them.

Doesn't seem fair, does it?

Fathers who see their kids as capable and whole, on the other hand, will find far fewer opportunities to be critical of their kids.
There are other reasons why you should be more understanding with your kids. One reason is to consider what it's really like to be a child. For instance, can you imagine the formidable combination of having a brain that's not yet able to exhibit emotional control and living in a house where you're constantly told what to do by your parents?

Think about it for a minute. How many times do our kids get told what to do each day? How do you handle getting told what to do all the time? It's a wonder that kids respond as well as they do.

How About Teenagers?

How about your teens at home? They certainly should be able to respond better to parents based on their experience, right? Not according to a recent study by the National Institute of Health.

A large study of teenagers found that as the brain develops, it trims away


excess cells so that what's left is more efficient. One of the last parts of the brain to complete this process is the prefrontal cortex, which controls planning, judgement, and self-control. Many teen-agers have not experienced the "maturation" of this part of their brain.

"[Adolescents] are capable of very strong emotions and very strong passions, but their prefrontal cortex hasn't caught up with them yet. It's as though they don't have the brakes that allow them to slow those emotions down," said Charles Nelson, a child psychologist at the University of Minnesota.

Researchers say this may help explain the often irrational behavior of teenagers: the mood swings, and the risks they're often too willing to take.

"If I walk into a class of kids who are 14 or 15," said Nelson, "those kids have a level of brain maturity that just does not map onto the kinds of emotional decision- making that a lot of those kids are being asked to make by teachers and parents. Added Nelson: "The more teachers and the more parents that understand that there is a biological limitation to the child's ability to control and regulate emotion, [the more] they might be able to back off a little and be a bit more understanding."

It can be quite easy for us to judge our kids harshly. But when you can begin to enter your child's world and consider the developmental limitations that exist, the call to a kindler and gentler way is undeniable.

Your kids will continue to make mistakes.

Your job is to stay calm, love them, and gently show them a different way.

And to be thankful that your kids are here to challenge you to become a more patient person.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.


About the Author

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.

 

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Offering food, treats, collars, leashes, health products, shampoos, medication, toys, carriers, housing and other supplies for all pets.
www.petsmart.com
 
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A large resource for animal enthusiasts with a directory of breeders and links to sources offering pet supplies and products, and to rescues and shelters.
www.pets4you.com
 
Yahoo! Pets
Learn how to care for a new pet. Find information about breeds or adopt a dog. ... What questions on pets or pet nutrition do you have today? ...
pets.yahoo.com
 
Welcome to Healthypet.com!
Pet care resources by the American Animal Hospital Association to find a veterinarian, veterinary clinic or animal hospital for pets and provide pet care ...
www.healthypet.com
 
Dogs & Puppies - Next Day Pets
Directory of breeders and shelters with dogs and puppies for sale and pets for adoption. Search dogs and puppies by breed with information on 150+ dog ...
www.nextdaypets.com
 
Petfinder.com: Adopt a pet and help an animal shelter rescue a ...
Adopt a pet dog or cat from animal welfare organizations across the country.
www.petfinder.com
 
Welcome to Neopets!
A virtual pet website where visitors may adopt and care for pets, as well as play games and participate in contests, communities, and combat simulations.
www.neopets.com
 
Chicago Tribune | Pets
Click one of the buttons to show pets within that category. Click here to show all pets for sale. Search Tips. (e.g., Beagle, Persian) ...
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Pet - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
A pet is an animal kept for companionship and enjoyment, as opposed to ... Some horse-like animals are suitable for human companionship as pets or as work ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
Pets - Pet Breeders Pet Information Pet Classifieds
Pets - Pet, Hobby and Show Animals Pets Online Has Puppies For Sale, Pet Products, Pet Shops.
www.mypets.net.au
 
Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Bringing pets to Britain
Travel guide and information on qualifications, requirements, and fees for bringing a pet into the UK.
www.defra.gov.uk
 
Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Pet Travel Scheme
The Pet Travel Scheme (PETS) is the system that allows pet dogs, ... For travel to France, the passport also replaces the PETS 5 certificate. ...
www.defra.gov.uk
 
Indiatimes - Pets
/photo.cms?msid=968871. You can post him queries and problems about your pets. ... Other beautiful animals: pets, wild cats & butterflies. PET ZODIACS ...
pets.indiatimes.com
 
AVMA Care for Pets Home Page
Articles that tell how to select a pet, how to care for various types of pets, and how to cope with the death of a pet. Includes a section just for kids.
www.avma.org
 
Dog and Pet T-Shirts and Gifts at CafePress.com : Shop Over 35 ...
Pet Gifts. Pet Gifts. Pet owners unite with fun t-shirts, hats and more. See all results... Categories within Pet Gifts ...
www.cafepress.com
 
Pet Lover Gifts : Find & Buy Gifts at CafePress.com
Shop millions of unique and custom pet designs - such as dog, cat, bunny, horse and other animals - available on t-shirts, mugs, mousepads, posters, ...
www.cafepress.com
 
PETS 911 ­ pet adoptions thru local animal shelters
Offers hotline for lost and found pets, adoption, veterinarians, and animal shelters.
www.pets911.com
 
Pets
Most of us think of adopting pets for all the wrong reasons.. as a ... Pets has a way of listening without judging and loving its owner unconditionally. ...
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Mara Pets Games - Play Free Flash Games, Dress Up Games and ...
Mara Pets Games is a free virtual pet site with fun flash games and character dress up games. Three new games weekly!
www.marapets.com
 
Canada's pet information center for dogs cats and humans
Canadian pet information centre, featuring articles, bulletin board, dog breed profiles, cat breeds, and ask the vet sections.
www.pets.ca
 
 

 
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