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Our House is a Danger Zone

Home is where the heart is, so they say. But for 20,000 Americans each year, home is where the heart stops beating. According to a 2002 study, that's how many Americans fall victim to fatal injuries in their own homes.

At this rate, it will take just 14,750 years for clumsiness and carelessness to wipe out the entire population. Fortunately, al-Qaeda is not aware of this statistic and remains fixated on ka-booming things instead of creating mass clumsiness and carelessness.

But is it true that home is no longer a safe haven? Is home really a foreboding lair of unpredictable dangers? Has home become the very place where we are most likely to look evil square in the eyes and say, in all sincerity, "AAAAARRRRGGHHH!"

My home is.

We have a smoke alarm in our home. Smoke alarms are supposed to be the good guys, right? They warn us about impending suffocation by smoke-breathing fire.

Not ours. Our smoke alarm warns us of slightly warm soon-to-be-toast. It lets out an ear-splitting screech. Yes, split-ear injuries are becoming commonplace in our home.

And the toaster is an obvious accomplice. How else would the smoke alarm know to attack just as the soon-to-be-toast warms up?

Diapers are becoming dangerous, too. Aside from the obvious hazards of unsanitary suffocation when a toddler in a dirty diaper won't stop squirming and wriggling, and makes her way across your face toward the couch, there is the parent factor to consider.

Not long ago, I had been looking after the kids all morning. Having just waged diaper-change on Little Sister for the third time that morning, and believing I had won, I was ready for some fresh challenges. When my wife chose that moment to walk into the room, I thought her timing was particularly fortuitous.

Just how fortuitous, I was about to learn.

As I headed toward my office to get some work done, she sniffed the


new diaper. Making a funny face..."Pee-ew! She did this on your watch. Here, you take her."

I hightailed it to my desk, "No way. I just changed her. You take her."

"She's all yours," she insisted.

"No more dirty diapers," I cried, ducking behind a chair. "Somebody call 9-1-1. My wife is chasing me with a loaded baby!"

Having children at either end of toddlerhood opens up all kinds of opportunities for injuries. It seems they each take their rolls very seriously. Little Sister drops as much food on the floor as she can get her fingers into. And Little Lady is only too happy to help her little sister slip on that food later.

Of course, Little Sister is very polite, and she quickly reciprocates by grabbing Little Lady to hold her balance. Have you ever been grabbed by a 14-month old baby-toddler? She makes a pit bull's bite feel tender as a gentle ocean breeze.

And she always knows just the right places to grab, so that any family member can easily compete with the smoke alarm in volume, tone and free-style split-ear injury creation.

Yes, the home has become an ominous booby trap, launching its attack on families where they least expect it. When even the toaster and the smoke alarm collaborate on home insurgencies, can all-out warfare be far behind?

But I will have the final laugh. Just wait 'til I rewire the smoke alarm. Who needs to warned about smoke, anyway? In this house we need to be warned about dirty diapers. Hey, I feel a new invention coming on.

About the Author

David Leonhardt is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven
http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/Item.asp?Catalog=Books&Item=059517826X
Read more personal growth articles:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html
Visit his liquid vitamins store:
http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net
Or his happiness website:
http://www.thehappyguy.com

 

PetSmart - Pet supplies and pet products for healthier, happier pets
Offering food, treats, collars, leashes, health products, shampoos, medication, toys, carriers, housing and other supplies for all pets.
www.petsmart.com
 
Pets 4 You.com - Dogs | Cats
A large resource for animal enthusiasts with a directory of breeders and links to sources offering pet supplies and products, and to rescues and shelters.
www.pets4you.com
 
Yahoo! Pets
Learn how to care for a new pet. Find information about breeds or adopt a dog. ... What questions on pets or pet nutrition do you have today? ...
pets.yahoo.com
 
Welcome to Healthypet.com!
Pet care resources by the American Animal Hospital Association to find a veterinarian, veterinary clinic or animal hospital for pets and provide pet care ...
www.healthypet.com
 
Dogs & Puppies - Next Day Pets
Directory of breeders and shelters with dogs and puppies for sale and pets for adoption. Search dogs and puppies by breed with information on 150+ dog ...
www.nextdaypets.com
 
Petfinder.com: Adopt a pet and help an animal shelter rescue a ...
Adopt a pet dog or cat from animal welfare organizations across the country.
www.petfinder.com
 
Welcome to Neopets!
A virtual pet website where visitors may adopt and care for pets, as well as play games and participate in contests, communities, and combat simulations.
www.neopets.com
 
Chicago Tribune | Pets
Click one of the buttons to show pets within that category. Click here to show all pets for sale. Search Tips. (e.g., Beagle, Persian) ...
www.legacy.com
 
Pet - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
A pet is an animal kept for companionship and enjoyment, as opposed to ... Some horse-like animals are suitable for human companionship as pets or as work ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
Pets - Pet Breeders Pet Information Pet Classifieds
Pets - Pet, Hobby and Show Animals Pets Online Has Puppies For Sale, Pet Products, Pet Shops.
www.mypets.net.au
 
Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Bringing pets to Britain
Travel guide and information on qualifications, requirements, and fees for bringing a pet into the UK.
www.defra.gov.uk
 
Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Pet Travel Scheme
The Pet Travel Scheme (PETS) is the system that allows pet dogs, ... For travel to France, the passport also replaces the PETS 5 certificate. ...
www.defra.gov.uk
 
Indiatimes - Pets
/photo.cms?msid=968871. You can post him queries and problems about your pets. ... Other beautiful animals: pets, wild cats & butterflies. PET ZODIACS ...
pets.indiatimes.com
 
AVMA Care for Pets Home Page
Articles that tell how to select a pet, how to care for various types of pets, and how to cope with the death of a pet. Includes a section just for kids.
www.avma.org
 
Dog and Pet T-Shirts and Gifts at CafePress.com : Shop Over 35 ...
Pet Gifts. Pet Gifts. Pet owners unite with fun t-shirts, hats and more. See all results... Categories within Pet Gifts ...
www.cafepress.com
 
Pet Lover Gifts : Find & Buy Gifts at CafePress.com
Shop millions of unique and custom pet designs - such as dog, cat, bunny, horse and other animals - available on t-shirts, mugs, mousepads, posters, ...
www.cafepress.com
 
PETS 911 ­ pet adoptions thru local animal shelters
Offers hotline for lost and found pets, adoption, veterinarians, and animal shelters.
www.pets911.com
 
Pets
Most of us think of adopting pets for all the wrong reasons.. as a ... Pets has a way of listening without judging and loving its owner unconditionally. ...
www.webindia123.com
 
Mara Pets Games - Play Free Flash Games, Dress Up Games and ...
Mara Pets Games is a free virtual pet site with fun flash games and character dress up games. Three new games weekly!
www.marapets.com
 
Canada's pet information center for dogs cats and humans
Canadian pet information centre, featuring articles, bulletin board, dog breed profiles, cat breeds, and ask the vet sections.
www.pets.ca
 
 

 
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