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13 ways to save your furniture from cat scratching
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"Stupid Advice"
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Word Count: 461 Character Width: 60 Resource Box: Rhiannon Hill at www.BookShaker.com
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"Stupid Advice"
- by Rhiannon Hill
(c) Rhiannon Hill. All Rights Reserved. http://www.BookShaker.com
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Oscar Wilde said he always passed on advice because it was of no use whatsoever to him!
He was a wise man. But we're all wise, aren't we? So why not give advice?
Simple: People usually do know what they're supposed to do in any given situation, yet for one reason or another, they're not doing it!
It is frustrating to look at someone else's dilemma and watch them fail to take what seem obvious remedies.
Remember, everyone is unique, with complex conscious and unconscious motivations. There are many factors to which the advisor is not privy.
We usually just want confirmation of a decision already made. Many of us don't trust ourselves enough to make decisions. Psychologists say we often make a decision within a few seconds, but feel the need to go through some checking process.
Pressure on someone to change their decision may work, especially if they are unconfident. But your preferred course of action may not suit them for hundreds of different reasons. They are NOT you and you are NOT in their shoes. It can even lead to disaster.
Feelgood satisfaction for the advisor is not a healthy motivation. It's unethical to give inappropriate advice to make yourself feel
powerful or needed.
And advice is often manipulative.
My friend was having a party and couldn't decide whether to fill the house with flowers. A third friend launched into a whole complicated monologue about the cost of the flowers, the work involved arranging them, and so on.
The party giver's cat wandered in. I said I wouldn't pet it because I am allergic to long haired cats. The advice giver immediately sympathised.
'Oh, I am allergic to so many things, I have to avoid cats, dust mites, pollen... you name it!'
She reddened and suddenly went very quiet. Her 'advice' was based on the fact that large number of pollen-laden flowers would have spoiled the party for her!
An honest response would have been: 'flowers would make it hard for me to come to your party...'
I don't give advice to psychotherapy clients. We often need a range of options to process. I just support them in coming up with options, that's all.
Expert opinion is valuable - but the giver needs to detach from the outcome.
Practical advice is different: if water is pouring out of a burst pipe you need the person who knows the location of the stopcock!
But if someone asks for more abstract 'advice' I'll first ask what they think they should do, and if they're stuck, I'll say, 'well, you might want to look at... etc'
That leaves it open. Because hey, if it all goes wrong I don't want the responsibility of having made the decision for them!
======================================= Rhiannon Hill is the author of "10 Stupid Things That Can Screw Up Your Life" Get the no-bull self-help book that tells it like it is... http://www.bookshaker.com/product_info.php?products_id=102 =======================================
About the Author
Rhiannon Hill is the author of "10 Stupid Things That Can Screw Up Your Life" Get the no-bull self-help book that tells it like it is... http://www.bookshaker.com/product_info.php?products_id=102 =======================================
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PetSmart - Pet supplies and pet products for healthier, happier pets |
Offering food, treats, collars, leashes, health products, shampoos, medication, toys, carriers, housing and other supplies for all pets. |
www.petsmart.com |
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Pets 4 You.com - Dogs | Cats |
A large resource for animal enthusiasts with a directory of breeders and links to sources offering pet supplies and products, and to rescues and shelters. |
www.pets4you.com |
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Yahoo! Pets |
Learn how to care for a new pet. Find information about breeds or adopt a dog. ... What questions on pets or pet nutrition do you have today? ... |
pets.yahoo.com |
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Welcome to Healthypet.com! |
Pet care resources by the American Animal Hospital Association to find a veterinarian, veterinary clinic or animal hospital for pets and provide pet care ... |
www.healthypet.com |
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Dogs & Puppies - Next Day Pets |
Directory of breeders and shelters with dogs and puppies for sale and pets for adoption. Search dogs and puppies by breed with information on 150+ dog ... |
www.nextdaypets.com |
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Petfinder.com: Adopt a pet and help an animal shelter rescue a ... |
Adopt a pet dog or cat from animal welfare organizations across the country. |
www.petfinder.com |
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Welcome to Neopets! |
A virtual pet website where visitors may adopt and care for pets, as well as play games and participate in contests, communities, and combat simulations. |
www.neopets.com |
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Chicago Tribune | Pets |
Click one of the buttons to show pets within that category. Click here to show all pets for sale. Search Tips. (e.g., Beagle, Persian) ... |
www.legacy.com |
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Pet - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
A pet is an animal kept for companionship and enjoyment, as opposed to ... Some horse-like animals are suitable for human companionship as pets or as work ... |
en.wikipedia.org |
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Pets - Pet Breeders Pet Information Pet Classifieds |
Pets - Pet, Hobby and Show Animals Pets Online Has Puppies For Sale, Pet Products, Pet Shops. |
www.mypets.net.au |
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Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Bringing pets to Britain |
Travel guide and information on qualifications, requirements, and fees for bringing a pet into the UK. |
www.defra.gov.uk |
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Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Pet Travel Scheme |
The Pet Travel Scheme (PETS) is the system that allows pet dogs, ... For travel to France, the passport also replaces the PETS 5 certificate. ... |
www.defra.gov.uk |
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Indiatimes - Pets |
/photo.cms?msid=968871. You can post him queries and problems about your pets. ... Other beautiful animals: pets, wild cats & butterflies. PET ZODIACS ... |
pets.indiatimes.com |
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AVMA Care for Pets Home Page |
Articles that tell how to select a pet, how to care for various types of pets, and how to cope with the death of a pet. Includes a section just for kids. |
www.avma.org |
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Dog and Pet T-Shirts and Gifts at CafePress.com : Shop Over 35 ... |
Pet Gifts. Pet Gifts. Pet owners unite with fun t-shirts, hats and more. See all results... Categories within Pet Gifts ... |
www.cafepress.com |
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Pet Lover Gifts : Find & Buy Gifts at CafePress.com |
Shop millions of unique and custom pet designs - such as dog, cat, bunny, horse and other animals - available on t-shirts, mugs, mousepads, posters, ... |
www.cafepress.com |
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PETS 911 pet adoptions thru local animal shelters |
Offers hotline for lost and found pets, adoption, veterinarians, and animal shelters. |
www.pets911.com |
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Pets |
Most of us think of adopting pets for all the wrong reasons.. as a ... Pets has a way of listening without judging and loving its owner unconditionally. ... |
www.webindia123.com |
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Mara Pets Games - Play Free Flash Games, Dress Up Games and ... |
Mara Pets Games is a free virtual pet site with fun flash games and character dress up games. Three new games weekly! |
www.marapets.com |
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Canada's pet information center for dogs cats and humans |
Canadian pet information centre, featuring articles, bulletin board, dog breed profiles, cat breeds, and ask the vet sections. |
www.pets.ca |
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