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"Stupid Advice"

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Word Count: 461
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Resource Box: Rhiannon Hill at www.BookShaker.com

===========================================================

"Stupid Advice"

- by Rhiannon Hill

(c) Rhiannon Hill. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.BookShaker.com

===========================================================

Oscar Wilde said he always passed on advice because it was
of no use whatsoever to him!

He was a wise man. But we're all wise, aren't we?
So why not give advice?

Simple: People usually do know what they're supposed to do
in any given situation, yet for one reason or another,
they're not doing it!

It is frustrating to look at someone else's dilemma and
watch them fail to take what seem obvious remedies.

Remember, everyone is unique, with complex conscious and
unconscious motivations. There are many factors to which the
advisor is not privy.

We usually just want confirmation of a decision already
made. Many of us don't trust ourselves enough to make
decisions. Psychologists say we often make a decision within
a few seconds, but feel the need to go through some checking
process.

Pressure on someone to change their decision may work,
especially if they are unconfident. But your preferred
course of action may not suit them for hundreds of different
reasons. They are NOT you and you are NOT in their shoes. It
can even lead to disaster.

Feelgood satisfaction for the advisor is not a healthy
motivation. It's unethical to give inappropriate advice to
make yourself feel


powerful or needed.

And advice is often manipulative.

My friend was having a party and couldn't decide whether to
fill the house with flowers. A third friend launched into a
whole complicated monologue about the cost of the flowers,
the work involved arranging them, and so on.

The party giver's cat wandered in. I said I wouldn't pet it
because I am allergic to long haired cats. The advice giver
immediately sympathised.

'Oh, I am allergic to so many things, I have to avoid cats,
dust mites, pollen... you name it!'

She reddened and suddenly went very quiet. Her 'advice' was
based on the fact that large number of pollen-laden flowers
would have spoiled the party for her!

An honest response would have been: 'flowers would make it
hard for me to come to your party...'

I don't give advice to psychotherapy clients. We often need
a range of options to process. I just support them in coming
up with options, that's all.

Expert opinion is valuable - but the giver needs to detach
from the outcome.

Practical advice is different: if water is pouring out of a
burst pipe you need the person who knows the location of the
stopcock!

But if someone asks for more abstract 'advice' I'll first
ask what they think they should do, and if they're stuck,
I'll say, 'well, you might want to look at... etc'

That leaves it open. Because hey, if it all goes wrong I
don't want the responsibility of having made the decision
for them!

=======================================
Rhiannon Hill is the author of "10 Stupid
Things That Can Screw Up Your Life" Get the
no-bull self-help book that tells it like it is...
http://www.bookshaker.com/product_info.php?products_id=102
=======================================

About the Author

Rhiannon Hill is the author of "10 Stupid
Things That Can Screw Up Your Life" Get the
no-bull self-help book that tells it like it is...
http://www.bookshaker.com/product_info.php?products_id=102
=======================================

 

PetSmart - Pet supplies and pet products for healthier, happier pets
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www.pets4you.com
 
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www.healthypet.com
 
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Directory of breeders and shelters with dogs and puppies for sale and pets for adoption. Search dogs and puppies by breed with information on 150+ dog ...
www.nextdaypets.com
 
Petfinder.com: Adopt a pet and help an animal shelter rescue a ...
Adopt a pet dog or cat from animal welfare organizations across the country.
www.petfinder.com
 
Welcome to Neopets!
A virtual pet website where visitors may adopt and care for pets, as well as play games and participate in contests, communities, and combat simulations.
www.neopets.com
 
Chicago Tribune | Pets
Click one of the buttons to show pets within that category. Click here to show all pets for sale. Search Tips. (e.g., Beagle, Persian) ...
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Pet - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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en.wikipedia.org
 
Pets - Pet Breeders Pet Information Pet Classifieds
Pets - Pet, Hobby and Show Animals Pets Online Has Puppies For Sale, Pet Products, Pet Shops.
www.mypets.net.au
 
Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Bringing pets to Britain
Travel guide and information on qualifications, requirements, and fees for bringing a pet into the UK.
www.defra.gov.uk
 
Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Pet Travel Scheme
The Pet Travel Scheme (PETS) is the system that allows pet dogs, ... For travel to France, the passport also replaces the PETS 5 certificate. ...
www.defra.gov.uk
 
Indiatimes - Pets
/photo.cms?msid=968871. You can post him queries and problems about your pets. ... Other beautiful animals: pets, wild cats & butterflies. PET ZODIACS ...
pets.indiatimes.com
 
AVMA Care for Pets Home Page
Articles that tell how to select a pet, how to care for various types of pets, and how to cope with the death of a pet. Includes a section just for kids.
www.avma.org
 
Dog and Pet T-Shirts and Gifts at CafePress.com : Shop Over 35 ...
Pet Gifts. Pet Gifts. Pet owners unite with fun t-shirts, hats and more. See all results... Categories within Pet Gifts ...
www.cafepress.com
 
Pet Lover Gifts : Find & Buy Gifts at CafePress.com
Shop millions of unique and custom pet designs - such as dog, cat, bunny, horse and other animals - available on t-shirts, mugs, mousepads, posters, ...
www.cafepress.com
 
PETS 911 ­ pet adoptions thru local animal shelters
Offers hotline for lost and found pets, adoption, veterinarians, and animal shelters.
www.pets911.com
 
Pets
Most of us think of adopting pets for all the wrong reasons.. as a ... Pets has a way of listening without judging and loving its owner unconditionally. ...
www.webindia123.com
 
Mara Pets Games - Play Free Flash Games, Dress Up Games and ...
Mara Pets Games is a free virtual pet site with fun flash games and character dress up games. Three new games weekly!
www.marapets.com
 
Canada's pet information center for dogs cats and humans
Canadian pet information centre, featuring articles, bulletin board, dog breed profiles, cat breeds, and ask the vet sections.
www.pets.ca
 
 

 
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