|
|
Baby Expense: What To Do When Baby
As you probably know, baby expense should be high on your list of things to plan for, before the baby comes. There is no cheap way to have and raise a baby: it takes sweat, work, lots of cash, patience, and more to have a happy, healthy baby....
Halloween Safety Tips
Halloween is an exciting night for children and a busy time for their parents. With such excitement, it’s easy for children to forget basic safety rules.
When emotions are running high, it’s a good time to remember to “use your head.” Plan...
Heartworm Treatment for Cats and Dogs
The treatment for heartworms is different for cats and dogs. Do not ever give medicine intended for a cat to your dog or vice versa.
Once your pet has heartworms the treatment is not easy. You want to rid your pet of heartworms but many...
Preparing for Your New Pet
Getting a new pet can be a lot of fun. You can choose from a dog, cat, hamster, gerbil, rabbit, and the list goes on and on. No matter what pet you choose, you will need to outfit them with the latest and greatest in pet gear. If you shop...
WildHeartRanch.com - Newest Content Website Addition, FavoritePetStories.com Creates Format to Share Your Favorite Pet Stories
WildHeartRanch.com - Newest Content Website Addition, FavoritePetStories.com Creates Format to Share Your Favorite Pet Stories
POINT ROBERTS, WA, Delta, B.C. January 19, 2005 – Wild Heart Ranch, Inc. (www.WildHeartRanch.com) is pleased to...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
WHO’S GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS? IS IT YOU . . . OR YOUR INNER BRAT?
WHO’S GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS? IS IT YOU . . . OR YOUR INNER BRAT?
By: Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. www.drwallin.com
When you go home for the holidays this year, leave your inner brat behind. The inner brat -- that part of your personality that’s still a two-year-old -- is responsible for much of the conflict that we see at family gatherings, especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s your inner brat that makes a big deal out of simple (but annoying) questions that your mother asks over and over. It’s your inner brat that feels so wounded because your sister neglected to thank you for the pictures you sent her. It’s your inner brat that urges you to have 3 desserts when you don’t even have room for one.
No matter how old you are, or how professional and sophisticated you may appear to others, when you go home you often regress into a petulant or oppositional child. You may never behave this way except when you are with family.
This is because situational cues (i.e., the presence of the people you grew up with) evoke certain feelings and responses from you. These responses originated in your childhood, and were repeated over the years. Now, when you walk through the door to your family’s home, these same responses are triggered again.
Situational cues have even more of a hold on you when the family home that you now visit was the one you grew up in. Not only do you react to the words and behaviors of the people, but you also react to the surroundings: familiar smells, the creak on the steps, the food in the cupboards, etc. When you encounter these familiar cues, you react in old familiar ways -- some of which may be quite immature. In other words, these cues can trigger your inner brat.
Everyone has an inner brat, left over from early childhood. It’s the part of us that feels entitled to have what it wants when it wants it (just like an infant does.) It also has very little tolerance for frustration, and when things go wrong it blames the situation or other people. Since the inner brat is the immature part of ourselves that is associated with early childhood, and since current family encounters evoke childhood memories and behaviors, then it follows that current family encounters will also trigger our inner brat.
Old sibling rivalries, unresolved feelings of anger or resentment toward parents, and buried insecurities are all closer to the surface when you’re back in the family home. Thus, you’re not only reacting to family members in the present, but you’re also reacting to past tensions. And your inner brat makes things worse.
You’ll know that your inner brat has taken over
when you start getting angry at the slightest provocation, or when you complain about things not being fair. You’ll also recognize its presence when you eat, drink or smoke more than you you know is good for you.
For example, when your mother asks, “Why haven’t you called your grandmother?” your inner brat might snap back, “Why are you always picking on me?! Why don’t you ever ask my brother why he doesn’t call Grandma?” Or, when you’ve resolved to control your drinking over the holidays, you end up downing a quart of spiked egg nog, with your inner brat in the background rationalizing that it’s OK because the alcohol is diluted.
If you want to stay calm and have more fun with your family this holiday season, keep your inner brat under control. Here are some tips:
1. Check your expectations: If you begin grumbling to yourself about various family members weeks before the get-together, you’re giving your inner brat a head start. By the time the event actually happens, you will be full of old resentments and anxieties. On the other hand, if you tell yourself that you are voluntarily attending this event, and that it may not be perfect but at least it’s time-limited, you will be more relaxed.
2. Prior to visiting your family, practice some simple relaxation skills such as slow, deep breathing or pleasant visualization. If you find yourself getting tense at the event, take a short time-out to relax and get yourself centered again.
3. When family members act idiotic, mean or critical toward you, remind yourself that such behavior reveals more about them than about you. The very behavior that irks you is probably coming from their inner brats.
4. Mentally detach yourself from conflict. Imagine that this is a movie of your family and that you are watching it on a big screen. This will keep your inner brat out of the conflict.
5. Use humorous exaggeration. For example, say to yourself, “This moment is the absolute worst thing that ever happened to anybody.” By noting the absurdity of your statement, you’ll see things in a more realistic perspective.
6. Don’t give into your inner brat’s demands for more food or alcohol. Just because it wants it doesn’t mean it MUST have it. Remember, you’re in charge, not your inner brat.
© 2003 Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
About the Author
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in Camp Hill, PA. She is author of Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior, (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001). Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.
|
|
|
|
|
PetSmart - Pet supplies and pet products for healthier, happier pets |
Offering food, treats, collars, leashes, health products, shampoos, medication, toys, carriers, housing and other supplies for all pets. |
www.petsmart.com |
  |
Pets 4 You.com - Dogs | Cats |
A large resource for animal enthusiasts with a directory of breeders and links to sources offering pet supplies and products, and to rescues and shelters. |
www.pets4you.com |
  |
Yahoo! Pets |
Learn how to care for a new pet. Find information about breeds or adopt a dog. ... What questions on pets or pet nutrition do you have today? ... |
pets.yahoo.com |
  |
Welcome to Healthypet.com! |
Pet care resources by the American Animal Hospital Association to find a veterinarian, veterinary clinic or animal hospital for pets and provide pet care ... |
www.healthypet.com |
  |
Dogs & Puppies - Next Day Pets |
Directory of breeders and shelters with dogs and puppies for sale and pets for adoption. Search dogs and puppies by breed with information on 150+ dog ... |
www.nextdaypets.com |
  |
Petfinder.com: Adopt a pet and help an animal shelter rescue a ... |
Adopt a pet dog or cat from animal welfare organizations across the country. |
www.petfinder.com |
  |
Welcome to Neopets! |
A virtual pet website where visitors may adopt and care for pets, as well as play games and participate in contests, communities, and combat simulations. |
www.neopets.com |
  |
Chicago Tribune | Pets |
Click one of the buttons to show pets within that category. Click here to show all pets for sale. Search Tips. (e.g., Beagle, Persian) ... |
www.legacy.com |
  |
Pet - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
A pet is an animal kept for companionship and enjoyment, as opposed to ... Some horse-like animals are suitable for human companionship as pets or as work ... |
en.wikipedia.org |
  |
Pets - Pet Breeders Pet Information Pet Classifieds |
Pets - Pet, Hobby and Show Animals Pets Online Has Puppies For Sale, Pet Products, Pet Shops. |
www.mypets.net.au |
  |
Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Bringing pets to Britain |
Travel guide and information on qualifications, requirements, and fees for bringing a pet into the UK. |
www.defra.gov.uk |
  |
Defra, UK - Animal health and welfare - Pet Travel Scheme |
The Pet Travel Scheme (PETS) is the system that allows pet dogs, ... For travel to France, the passport also replaces the PETS 5 certificate. ... |
www.defra.gov.uk |
  |
Indiatimes - Pets |
/photo.cms?msid=968871. You can post him queries and problems about your pets. ... Other beautiful animals: pets, wild cats & butterflies. PET ZODIACS ... |
pets.indiatimes.com |
  |
AVMA Care for Pets Home Page |
Articles that tell how to select a pet, how to care for various types of pets, and how to cope with the death of a pet. Includes a section just for kids. |
www.avma.org |
  |
Dog and Pet T-Shirts and Gifts at CafePress.com : Shop Over 35 ... |
Pet Gifts. Pet Gifts. Pet owners unite with fun t-shirts, hats and more. See all results... Categories within Pet Gifts ... |
www.cafepress.com |
  |
Pet Lover Gifts : Find & Buy Gifts at CafePress.com |
Shop millions of unique and custom pet designs - such as dog, cat, bunny, horse and other animals - available on t-shirts, mugs, mousepads, posters, ... |
www.cafepress.com |
  |
PETS 911 pet adoptions thru local animal shelters |
Offers hotline for lost and found pets, adoption, veterinarians, and animal shelters. |
www.pets911.com |
  |
Pets |
Most of us think of adopting pets for all the wrong reasons.. as a ... Pets has a way of listening without judging and loving its owner unconditionally. ... |
www.webindia123.com |
  |
Mara Pets Games - Play Free Flash Games, Dress Up Games and ... |
Mara Pets Games is a free virtual pet site with fun flash games and character dress up games. Three new games weekly! |
www.marapets.com |
  |
Canada's pet information center for dogs cats and humans |
Canadian pet information centre, featuring articles, bulletin board, dog breed profiles, cat breeds, and ask the vet sections. |
www.pets.ca |
  |
|