Ms Perfect -What Kind of Worker are you? Part 4
Perfectionism can be exhausting.
What Kind of Worker are you? Part 4
Ms. PERFECT
This type of worker has an attachment to a perfect result. Before going on, let us make a clarification between three totally different things: First, there is the effort we make in a certain task we are doing. Next comes the result of that effort. Thirdly, there is the otherĒs opinions of that result.
Most people in this category are attached to the third factor - - what other people think about them based on the results of their work.
Being attached to the perfect result or to a positive judgment on the part of others has nothing to do with being attached to making as perfect an effort as possible.
BASIC BELIEFS
Most people playing the role of Ms. Perfect, either for themselves or for others, are basically focused on what type of affirmation, approval or recognition they can gain from others through the perfect result. Some beliefs that function in their conscious and subconscious minds are:
1. If I am not perfect, then I am not good.
2. Then people will not love me. They will not accept me, if I am not perfect.
3. I will be alone, insecure.
4. Mistakes are unacceptable.
5. I must never make a mistake.
6. I must be better than the others in order to be acceptable.
7. I must know more than the others in order to be acceptable.
8. I must be the best, in order to be loved.
9. In order for me to love and accept myself, I must have recognition and approval from others.
10. I must prove myself to others.
11. I am guilty (not worthy) and must do more than the others.
12. If I make mistakes or if I am not better than the others, I am not worthy of love.
Parents, teachers and other well meaning adults, in their intention to help the child "produce, progress more rapidly" and "be ready for a competitive world," program their children in exactly this way.
This happens not only with negative programming but it also happens with positive programming, such as "Oh, how proud I am of you; how much we love you because you have done so well."
The child may hear his parents bragging to others parents about his or her childĒs performance. This may make the child identify the otherĒs love with the condition that he or she is superior to others, or perfect. Parents must do everything they can to encourage their children, and help them to grow emotionally and mentally without giving them the idea that their love will be more or less depending on the childĒs performance. Love needs to be unconditional, not dependent on such factors, if we really want to produce a healthy person.
WHAT ARE THE RESULTS ?
When someone has the above-mentioned programming, she may actually become a very good worker from a production standpoint. She may be efficient, capable, conscientious, and quick, and will probably work more hours than others in order to obtain better results. This is undoubtedly a positive result to be desired from all workers. There are, however, some other negative side effects, when someone functions out of a strong need for recognition through performance.
First, these people will usually have anxiety about the results of any effort until it is completed. This anxiety is detrimental to their health, which means that in later years they are likely to have various psychosomatic problems that in the end may dampen their ability to "produce" as efficiently as they once did.
This anxiety also has a negative effect on those around them. It makes them nervous. In cases where Ms. Perfect needs othersĒ cooperation, she may feel the need to push them, control them, criticize them or come into conflict with them if she fears they will prevent her from getting the result she needs in order to accept herself or feel secure.
She will tend to lack confidence in otherĒs abilities, and thus be unable to allow others to take on responsibilities or help her because they may make mistakes or slow her down. In such a case, she often does much more work than she needs to and more than others around her do. This often results in her feeling that she is being used or unfairly treated, but she has created this situation by not being able to accept help or delegate responsibilities to others.
Because of this, others around her settle into the role of Mr. Unable or Mr. Lazy since she is taking care of everything. The others do not develop their own inner powers and abilities by learning new things. She is headed for ill health and probably negative relationships with the others.
Because of her need for recognition in comparison to the others, she has the need to be better them. This means she is competitive. This competitive attitude (whether conscious or subconscious) stimulates the same attitude in her coworkers, and we now have a group that is competing rather than cooperating. In the end, this is neither pleasant, nor productive.
This competitive behavior creates various personality conflicts that reduce concentration, effectiveness and cooperation that are necessary for any organism, organization or group to function harmoniously.
She usually needs to show off her accomplishments, either overtly or covertly, in various subtle ways. This creates the same need in the others, and a great deal of energy is lost in conversations and games rather than in concentration on the work that needs to be done.
Because she usually needs
more recognition from specific people than others, she will put certain people, such as those above her professionally or socially, in the role of her parents and need their approval more than from others. She will naturally develop an unequal behavior toward various people. She may be very polite and kind to those from whom she needs recognition, and harsh and disrespectful, perhaps even aggressive or rejecting, to those who are "equal or below" her on the professional or social ladder.
Thus, we can see that although there are some very positive results to be had by this kind of conditioning, there are also many negative side effects. The optimum worker would be one who was as conscientious, effective, productive and creative as Ms. Perfect, but without her need for recognition from others.
WHAT CAN SHE DO ?
First, she can make this very important distinction between five different realities: her self, her effort, her motive, the result, and what other people think about her result. She can try to develop unconditional love and acceptance for herself, independent of the results of her actions and what other people think of her.
She can learn to realize that she is worthy of love and respect, regardless of her performance. She can keep her desire to make as perfect an effort as possible while accepting the results as the best possible result for the moment.
She can realize that there are many other factors in this universe besides her efforts that also play a part in the creation of those results. There are her past actions and the state of the universe at this time, which are also powerful factors affecting the results. The results are not dependent solely on her present effort.
She can also realize that she is an immortal soul in the process of evolution, and that if she were really perfect, she would not have incarnated. Because she is obviously not perfect, she can accept that fact and get along with the process of doing her best.
It would be useful for her to admit her weaknesses and mistakes to others in order to get free from this image of Ms. Perfect. This will also help others to feel more comfortable with her. We are programmed to believe that others will love us more if we are perfect. In some cases, the opposite might be true. Often others feel more comfortable with us when we can admit our imperfections and thus are "like them".
Ms. Perfect can learn to delegate responsibilities and realize that the growth someone can have through learning to do something new, even if she does not do it as perfectly as she could, is more important than the perfect result. Eventually, this person will learn and grow mentally and spiritually through this learning process, and Ms. Perfect will be free from that additional responsibility. This is evolution.
She can practice exercises, breathing techniques and deep relaxation or meditation daily to relax her nervous system and be more relaxed at work.
Finally, she can accept that she is the way she is and accept and love herself with her perfectionism until she is able to put it into the perspective. She can accept even this as a part of her growth process.
Continued -----------------------article ends-----------------------
****************************************** Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books; sold over 100,000 copies. His book The Psychology of Happiness is available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html. You can download FREE articles and e-books and get guidance at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com ******************************************
About the Author
Robert Elias Najemy who is the author of 20 books which have sold over 100,000 copies. He is the founder and has been the director of the Center for Harmonious Living in Athens, Greece for the last 26 years. The center has a membership of 3000 clients and 600 students. He has lectured over 25,000 hours and has worked with around 20,000 persons through personal appointments, classes and seminars. He has produced over 500 cassettes and videocassettes with an abundance of information or human harmony. He is not a psychologist, nor a doctor but rather a chemical engineer who gave up his profession 35 years ago in order to study human nature and all aspects of human health, happiness, harmony and spiritual development. He has a certificate in Counseling from the Counseling & Psychotherapy Central Awarding Body (UK) and certificates as a practitioner of three forms of Energy Psychology; specifically Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), Tapas Acupuncture Techniques (TAT) and Thought Field Therapy (TFT). Robert has developed a six-year self-knowledge seminar which is taught at his school and has also been recorded on 200 acoustic and videocassettes and is thus available in other cities. He has trained more than 250 life coaches, 50 of whom now work with him in Athens, Greece and other affiliated centers around Greece and Cyprus. His site is www.HolisticHarmony.com
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