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Along The Well Traveled Path...
Along The Well Traveled Path... © 2001 June McHardy I've always been a reader! I've always haunted the local library - still do - but when we were going through some bad times several years ago, I discovered a whole new classification of...
Benefits of Meditation
Benefits of Meditation for Individuals and for Society as a Whole Robert Elias Najemy How is Meditation Used Today? People from all walks of life, in all the countries of the world belonging to all the possible religions, meditate for a...
Create and Maintain a Conscious Love Relationship
Create and Maintain a Conscious Love Relationship Robert Elias Najemy Part 1 of a 3 part series We present you with a brief outline of some basic points necessary to tend to in order to create a harmonious and loving relationship. INNER...
Human Conditioning, Stress Management and Music
HUMAN CONDITIONING, STRESS MANAGEMENT and MUSIC The predominant role human conditioning plays in a stressful environment. Perspective, reaction and remedy.How music can help. By Bill Reddie Creating music for stress management can be a...
TEACH ME, I'M YOURS: If you want your child to be smart, you be the first teacher!
TEACH ME, I'M YOURS: If You Want Your Child To Be Smart, You Be The First Teacher by Joan Bramsch Click on image for larger picture TEACH ME, I'M YOURS is an ideal way for parents to help their child grow in many areas ... physical fitness,...
 
Reading Your Partner's Mind

When Ann came to see me, she was in the process of counting how many times in the past year her husband had turned on the television when she wanted to talk to him—not that she had ever told him she wanted to talk. She left him oblivious to her upset, while her resentment built at his failure to magically “know” what was on her mind.

When we are young it seems as if our caretakers magically know when we need to eat and what they must do to take care of us. Children have a family romance in which their parents are always wise and good. This is extended to the whole world via the culture of children’s stories, in which wonderful things happen to the good guys and the bad guys get their due.

The Prince comes. The slipper fits. They live happily ever after.

In adulthood this can become the expectation: that our partners should always know what we need without our having to tell them. When our partner fails to read our minds and to “magically” know our needs, resentment builds. We can take our partner’s “blindness” as a criticism of what we want or as a failure to do their part in the relationship. I have seen many couples who both believe that the other one knows, “just knows,” what it is they need and is withholding it for reasons of perversity or vindictiveness. This leads to a kind of passivity and watching in the relationship. We wait and wait for our partner to recognize us by doing for us the thing we feel they should know to do. We describe this, as it has often been called as,


“saving brown stamps.” Meanwhile, resentment builds and we cease to be a proper participant in the relationship.

Our belief that there is a force outside of our lives magically steering it toward love and happiness is deeply ingrained; usually it is only given up as a consequence of repeated disappointments. Even when it is, we can still become involved in trying to be the perfect person ourselves, believing that our slimness or muscularity will exercise a magical attraction on others around us. Thus women become anorexic and men spend hours at the gym. These behaviors often represent an attempt to keep our belief in magic alive.

Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D


About the Author: Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and Train Your Brain: For Successful Relationships, CD. http://www.drlindamiles.com

Source: www.isnare.com

 

Encyclopedia of Psychology - Psychology Websites
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Psychology - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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Psychology.Com
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psychology virtual library
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Intute: Social Sciences - Psychology
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Psychology Today: Find a Therapist and News to Use
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Social Psychology Network
Thousands of searchable psychology links on a huge variety of topics. Definitely worth a visit!
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Psychology and mental health at Psych Central .
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Google Directory - Science > Social Sciences > Psychology
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Open Directory - Science: Social Sciences: Psychology
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APS Psychologist: Home
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Classics in the History of Psychology
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