Research shows that the children of parents who talk openly about sex are more likely to delay their first sexual experiences and to take adequate precautions when they do eventually have sex. So, how do you tackle the subject?
"Where do babies come from mum?" It's that age-old question that many parents dread and which usually results in some waffled reply that they hope won't lead to further probing questions.

Some parents fear that by discussing sex with their children, they are condoning it. However, research shows that the children of parents who talk openly about sex are not only more comfortable talking about it themselves, but are likely to delay their first sexual experiences and to take adequate precautions when they do eventually have sex.

Some parents believe that the sex education that their children receive in school is adequate and somehow relieves them of the responsibility, but open and honest communication between parent and child will eventually eliminate any embarrassment and will encourage a healthy and positive attitude towards sex. Studies also suggests that teens who felt closely connected to their families were less likely to have sex at an early age, or to engage in high-risk practices than were those who felt more emotionally isolated from their families.

Adolescents may struggle with their sexual identity and suffer confusion over what is regarded as 'normal' behaviour. While most children are heterosexual, some may fleetingly experience sexual feelings towards the same sex, even if they are not actually homosexual. However, those who are gay may feel isolated and depressed. Reassure your child that your love transcends sexual orientation. An open mind could literally save his or her life: a recent study of thousands of high school students found that suicide attempts were much more frequent among children who were gay, lesbian, bisexual, or not sure.

Whilst children need to understand the biological facts of sex, it is equally important for them to understand the emotional aspects of relationships. Some young people equate sex with love, but they need to have an appreciation of the importance of affection, care, responsibility and respect and the possible consequences of sexual activity.

Top Tips:

· Start as early as possible, rather

· Initiate conversations rather than waiting for your child to ask questions

· Be receptive to your children's questions, so that they feel comfortable coming to you when they are seeking advice on a difficult issue

· Offer guidance by conveying your own values, but not prejudices

· Give accurate and appropriate information for child's age and level of understanding

· Be honest. If you feel embarrassed talking to an older child about sex, tell them that you feel uncomfortable and why. The more you talk, the less embarrassing it will become

· Use humour. Turning a serious topic into a light-hearted conversation not only removes some of the awkwardness, but can make your child more inclined to listen and absorb the information

Footnote:

Fact: Chlamydia is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections (STIs), but 70% of women and 50% of men who are infected with Chlamydia show no symptoms at all. The infection can cause infertility, ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage or premature birth. More information can be obtained from the Family Planning Association on 0845 310 1334 (Open Monday to Friday 9am - 7pm), or by visiting their website: http://www.fpa.org.uk/

About the Author

Jan Andersen is a British freelance writer and mother of four children. Her youngest three children are aged 17, 15 and 3. Jan's eldest son, Kristian tragically died on 1 November 2002 at the age of 20, as a result of which she has just launched a new supportive website for families who have lost a child to suicide: http://childsuicide.homestead.com Jan specialises in humorous, satirical and thought-provoking articles, essays and columns on diverse topics, from relationships, parenting and women's issues, to psychology, health and social issues. She also owns and run Mothers Over 40, an inspirational and supportive site for older parents and those considering midlife pregnancy. www.mothersover40.com http://worldwriter.homestead.com