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9 Myths About Being Single
More than 48% of US households are headed by unmarried individuals. The American Association for Single People projects that by 2010, 47.2% of adults will be unmarried. Being single does not mean being alone, nor does being in a couple for the...
A Guide to Relationship Quizzes
Sometime in the 1950’s, women’s magazines started publishing relationship quizzes in their pages with a complex scoring system that arrived at a number. This number was then plotted on a scale and the reader could determine, based upon that number,...
’EQ’ Your Request and Increase Your Chances of Getting It
Areceli has a difficult time with relationships both in her personal life and at work. When I listen to her ask someone for something, I understand why. Her requests are almost always legitimate, but her presentation defeats her.
Areceli expects...
Raising Courageous Kids - An Author Interview
Author Interview Raising Courageous Kids: Eight Steps to Practical Heroism By Charles Smith In the newly released book Raising Courageous Kids: Eight Steps to Practical Heroism (Sorin Books, July 2004, paperback, 224 pages), author Charles Smith...
Will Your Children Take a One-Way Ticket to Needle Death?
On 1 November 2002, my beautiful 20-year-old son Kristian died from a suspected Heroin overdose. There is no such thing as taking a test drive with Heroin. It’s a one-way ticket. Don't let it happen to your child.
On 1 November 2002, my...
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When Family Members Are Reacting Differently to the Loss of Your Pet
The loss of a family companion animal is difficult, and my heart goes out to you. We come to love our animals and feel a deep sense of loss when they die. Some people tell me they’ve felt more grief over the loss of their dog than of any human being in their life. It’s not always recognized by others, but those would only be people who have not lost an animal companion they loved. Or I should say, who loved them. They give us the unconditional love that helps us thrive. When we find out our pet is going to die, we each react differently. Each of us experiences grief in a different way. Maybe your partner is angry, and you are tearful, and you are both dealing with the impending death of your animal companion in your own way. The stages begin with denial (shock) and then move on to rage, I believe, but it's a spiral, or an onion, not linear. It comes in waves and doubles back and different feelings are layered in there.
It is normal to not “hear” that your pet is going to die and it’s normal to be enraged that nobody cares, nothing can be done, and it can’t be fixed. And also to be angry that you and the animal are suffering so. Some individuals are more prone to turning tender feelings into anger, and sometimes we just don’t want to talk about it.
In fact, and this is particularly poignant, one of the reasons we love our animals so much is because when we're upset they'd don't ask us why. They just stick around and love us, same as always.
Remember the general family EQ guidance that all feelings are welcome here, though all actions are not. Your partner is an adult and is in charge of his or her own wellbeing, as you are of yours. As with any adult, you can
accept and acknowledge the feelings, and can make it known you’re available to talk with. If there are any behaviors from this anger that are destructive in any way, then seek help. You can also use, “When you say X, I feel Y. Please do Z.” Any two adults will generally grieve in a different way. They’ll be at different stages in the grief process, have different backgrounds, different histories of previous loss, have different personalities, and also can reverberate off the other, i.e., if he’s crying all the time, then she becomes stoic. If she’s angry, he tries to remain calm. Stay centered and manage your own grief process. Take care of yourself. Massage is good at such a time, as such grief is beyond words.
If this is one of your children’s first major loss, it’s going to be a tremendous growth process for them, as you know. Be there. Don’t demand they feel one way or another. Don’t try and “fix” them. Process when you can with them as a means of sharing the adversities of life. Adversity builds resilience, and difficult as it is, they’re part of life.
Seek comfort and help for yourself – friends, a minister, a coach, a therapist. Take care of yourself and model this for your children. You can’t share the whole experience with them because they aren’t having the same experience as you because they are they, and you are you. I’m sorry for your loss.
About the Author
Susan Dunn,MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching for all your needs. Coaching and distance learning in Emotional Intelligence. EQ matters more to your success and happiness than IQ and it can be learned. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZine.
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Encyclopedia of Psychology - Psychology Websites |
A hierarchical database of links to psychology resources. |
www.psychology.org |
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Psychology - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
Psychology differs from the other social sciences — anthropology, economics, ... Health psychology is the application of psychological theory and research ... |
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American Psychological Association |
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Psychology.Com |
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psychology virtual library |
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Intute: Social Sciences - Psychology |
Searchable database of Internet resources that have been reviewed, described, and categorized by area. Includes organizations, reference materials, ... |
www.intute.ac.uk |
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Psychology Today: Find a Therapist and News to Use |
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Social Science > Psychology in the Yahoo! Directory |
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Social Psychology Network |
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Psychology and mental health at Psych Central . |
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Psychology - Student Resources - Psychology Articles |
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psychology.about.com |
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Google Directory - Science > Social Sciences > Psychology |
Science > Social Sciences > Criminology (45) Recreation > Humor > Science > Psychology (9) Kids and Teens > People and Society > Psychology (55) ... |
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Open Directory - Science: Social Sciences: Psychology |
Health: Medicine: Medical Specialties: Psychiatry (141); Health: Mental Health (5469); Kids and Teens: People and Society: Psychology (53) ... |
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Stanford Psychology Department |
One specialty of the Department of Psychology is cognitive sciences, with strength in the areas of visual science, cognitive neuroscience, ... |
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The Higher Education Academy Psychology Network |
Information about events, publications, projects and research related to the teaching of psychology; database of resources. |
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APS Psychologist: Home |
The Australian Psychological Society (APS) is the largest professional association for psychologists in Australia, representing around 15000 members. |
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Classics in the History of Psychology |
Offers full texts of documents significant in the history of psychology by author or by topic. Includes ancient, medieval/renaissance, and modern thought; ... |
psychclassics.yorku.ca |
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Psychology, Department of |
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www.psych.ucla.edu |
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Internet Public Library: Psychology |
This is a comprehensive site of psychology resources including hundeds of categories. ... Includes links to sites on specific social psychology topics, ... |
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PsychCrawler |
The mental health disorders search engine of the American Psychological Association. Type a search request and click the "Get Results" button for a fully ... |
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