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Informative Articles

A Look at Interracial Relationships
There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe the very contradictions of our society that can still make interracial relationships a lot more difficult than others. Most relationships deal with mostly internal pressures with...
How to Create an Emotional Bond with Your Child
One of the most powerful tools that parents have for raising their children is the natural emotional bond that exists between them and their child. Children who feel close to their parents will have a strong desire to obey them. No child with...
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One thing to keep in mind when seeking relationship advice is that the relationship advice business is exactly that - a business, and a big business at that. It is important to be aware that there is a lot of bad advice available in the marketplace,...
To Love Or To Be In Love
What is the basic difference between loving someone and being in love with the person? Before we can be sure that we have found true love, we need to be sure what these two terminologies mean. Is it possible to meet someone, connect with the...
Want to Feel Better? Go Stroke Your Cat!
Stroking your cat can be good for your health! It has long been known that pet ownership is good for you, we all need someone or something to love. It is also believed that stroking a pet, such as a cat, reduces stress levels and helps you to have...
 
Happy Relationships: Give 100%

A common expression is "I'll meet you halfway," and we often take that attitude into our marriage. I hear frequent complaints from couples in trouble that their partner isn't pulling their fair weight, that one is giving more than the other.

Whoever determined that life is a 50-50 proposition?

Some give more than others. Some take more than others. On every level of society from politics to business to social interactions, there are discrepancies of effort, economics, and emotions.

Going into a relationship with the expectation that contributions will be fairly shared is to court disaster. Over a span of time, a certain amount of evenness will develop through a process of give-and-take and ups-and-downs. But at any specific point, one may be giving while the other needs to just take for a while.

We all need to enter the most important relationship of our life with the foreknowledge and determined commitment to give 100%. Once we have internalized that concept, we can avoid the painful feelings we get when we think we are being cheated of our just rewards. If the relationship is healthy, and both partners are committed to the 100% investment, eventually it will work out somewhere in the middle -probably never 50-50 but somewhere in the broad bell curve of averages: 30% to 70%. At different times, the equation adjusts as careers, children, and other responsibilities change.

If you are the individual giving 70% and your other half is falling a little short, remember that you swore to give 100% so you are much better off than you expected.

Can you see how such thinking changes the framework of your marriage? You're not getting cheated, you're getting much


more support than your original bargain called for!

You can use this new attitude in any aspect of your partnership. Many couples develop resentment over their relative monetary contributions. If you have the initial anticipation of being the sole breadwinner, then any contribution by the other, however small, is a great big bonus. If you enter the union with the expectation that you will handle all the cleaning and parenting chores required, then anything done by your partner is a plus.

If one of you handles your mutual social obligations, then the participation of your spouse, even if limited to just showing up and being there, is more than you expected. You may feel, as many of my patients do, that you are not getting the support and good strokes that you deserve. Reframe the sense of deprivation within the 100% concept and you find that even occasional support and positive feedback is an unexpected gift.

We all need to feel loved and appreciated and cherished. We also need to give love and appreciation to others. If we give more than we get, we can harbor anger at our being cheated or we can love and appreciate our own selves for having a greater capacity to give.

This one single change in your outlook towards your relationship can transform the hidden resentments that result in nagging, negativity, and verbal putdowns into a deep satisfaction that leads to overt affection, positive support, and mutual respect.



About the author:

Virginia Bola is giving away complimentary copies of the report "Seven Super Simple Tips: Keep Your Marriage Fresh" from which this article is taken. To obtain your own copy, visit: http://www.graburl.com/x.php?1cs.

 

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Directory of relationship information. Contains links and forums.
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