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Moving On to Much Better Things After Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, but being alone can feel worse. All your happily married friends are still happily married, and here you are suddenly single. It’s a huge adjustment. Even though you’ve triumphed by getting out of a...
Potty Training After a Divorce or Separation
Many parents share custody of their children, which presents a unique problem when it comes to potty training. It’s best to discuss potty training and agree on a strategy before you start. Both parents need to be informed about potty training...
relationship - forever
Every relationship is a mysery and when you find all the secrets it keeps it yet can't be forgotten...
Here comes the next day…but you don’t feel anything. Only emptiness, emptiness in your soul. So you ask yourself again what’s wrong. You are...
The 7 Stages of Romantic Relationships
There are seven stages in a romantic relationship: avoidance, meeting, dating, breaking up, establishing exclusivity, commitment, and keeping the love you find. Each of these stages vary in length and intensity. At each stage, there are thoughts...
Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your Teenager
Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak that we do not realize whether or not we are effectively communicating with our teens. This is especially true when they upset us.
To ensure that you are fostering an environment that will...
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Relationship Advice: "I've met Mr. Right. Do You Think He's the One?"
The question is a common one: How do I know if this is the right person. Am I doing the right thing?
The truth is we're never quite sure. We gather the data of experience. Then we take a shot at life one way of the other. Right or Wrong? Only experience tells us.
So, how do we make a good assessment before the decision? Here are some questions to ask yourself.
1. How well have I observed this person's past behavior? Behind the "look good" behavior of the infatuation period lies the everyday behavior with friends, family, work colleagues, and with you. What you see in the every day behavior is likely to persist.
Do you like what you are seeing?
Can you live with it if it doesn't change?
Would you stay with this person if you knew for certain that it would never change?
2. Assuming you have a really good sense of the person's behavior, then do you love him/her? Before answering, consider what I'm actually asking with this question.
Do you love the person just as is, not as could be? Do you love for who this person is now, rather than the possibilities you see? Those possibilities may never come to pass. How would you live with that?
Is there passion inside you to see, be with, to spend time (alot of time) with this person?
I've seen alot of people in "luke warm" relationships that were never hotter than that even to begin with. That's OK if it is your choice, but is this what you really want?
Does this person feel like the real thing, the real deal, the really true love to you, or is there still something nagging at you?
3.Assuming we have the behavior, and the love, is there a final something that will kill the relationship over time?
An addiction? Parents, children or other family that hates you? A commitment to something that will not leave enough time for you? A difference in religion that can not be resolved? Does he or she feel the same passion for you that you are feeling?
Let's be realistic: Love does NOT conquer all. I wish it did. If it did the divorce rate where I live wouldn't be near 70%. There's nothing wrong with making the choice for a committed relationship. But use your head and not just your heart!
About the author:
Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist sharing real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Get Insight & Wisdom for your Relationships at: http://www.whatworksforcouples.com
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| Abusive Relationships |
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| Addictive Relationships--UIUC Counseling Center |
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