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A Time of Grief and Healing After Separation and Divorce
I thought I would never feel the light of life again when I realized that my marriage was going to end. In fact I went through a painful year of not knowing if it would end. I had several months of suspecting that she was having an affair. There was...
My Mother, the Person
I left home at 17 and got my own apartment. I was very rebellious and independent. The first few months away from home, I was excited, but deep down I felt the insecurity of not having my mom, my safety net, to take care of me if and when I may be...
Ten Financial Tips for Women
On average, women earn 76 cents for every dollar men earn in the workplace. Because women typically spend approximately seven years out of the work force to have and raise children, their earnings are even further curtailed. With lower pay and...
To All the Men I'll Never Love Again
Where do I begin to tell the stories of what a fatal sin it was falling for you all. I can do little but grin when I remember how a name of yours rings a heartache or two. And oh, how glad now I could rid myself of each one - old and new. I believe...
Top Ten List of What to Do and What Not to Do in Relationships
Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a...
 
Children And Divorce: Things To Consider When You're Staying Married Only For Your Children

All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.

As a parent, you should know your children better than anyone...use your best judgment with your children during considering divorce. This "divorce and children" article is for parents who are certain that they would get a divorce if they didn't have children and want to decide what to think about regarding the effects a divorce would have on their children.

This article on this web page does not suggest that divorce is the correct course of action for you and it in no way should be taken as a form of counseling to you. This article is merely to spark you to think logically and then make your own decision about divorce and your children.

As previously stated, every child is different and subsequently, every child responds to divorce in a different way.

If you think there's a definitive answer about how divorce affects children, you are mistaken. There's been hundreds of books written about this subject and a plethora of studies done regarding divorce and children, all citing differing opinions and using different statistical constraints and inputs. But, statistics can only go so far...if you know your children better than anyone else, you will know best how they'll be affected by a divorce.

How divorce affects children and what you should do if you're staying married solely because you have children is complicated issue.

Here's some things you may want to consider if you're a parent who is staying married just because you have children:

Children and divorce consideration 1: Make sure that you are, in fact, only staying married just because you have children. Often times people use the children as an excuse not to get a divorce because they aren't really sure that they want a divorce or have some other fear regarding divorce. Those fears can be present due to finance, self-confidence, living arrangements, or other personal issues.

Before you really take the next steps in deciding whether or not to get a divorce because of your children, rank your reasons for divorce and make sure that you're really certain you'd get a divorce if you didn't have children.

Children and divorce consideration 2: Make sure 'guilt' isn't the real reason that you aren't getting a divorce.

The 'guilt' referenced above is the guilt brought on by thinking that your divorce will hurt your children. In and of itself, this feeling of guilt is a selfish one if you haven't really examined carefully if a divorce will have an adverse effect on your children. If you aren't getting divorced because of guilt


in this regard, but you still have an unhappy marriage that is affecting your children, then you aren't really staying married for them, you're staying married for you because you feel guilty...this is selfish.

Children and divorce consideration 3: Once you've clearly defined that you are in fact, not getting a divorce solely because you have children, examine why you think divorce will adversely affect your children.

Remember, divorce can have a negative effect on children initially, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a divorce will be a negative influence on your children forever. Decide whether or not your children have the resiliency, the intelligence, the emotional health, and the support they'd need to mitigate the adverse effects that a divorce would have on them. Will they be happy after the initial shock of the divorce is worked through?

Children and divorce consideration 4: Once you've really defined what you believe to be negative effects on your children due to divorce, think about what your children's life will be like in the immediate and distant future if you do actually go through with the divorce.

Ask yourself, "Can I create and maintain a healthy environment for my children if I do get a divorce?"

One thing that is a critical factor in this decision is the feasibility of you and your spouse getting a divorce amicably. If you and your spouse can go through a divorce amicably, and you both can agree to always put your children's welfare above your own, you will be one step ahead.

Again, make sure you are certain a divorce is necessary to create the right type of environment for your children. Assure that there is absolutely no way you can rekindle your marriage.

Usually, divorce represents the first real trauma of a child's life. Keep this in mind when your making your divorce decision. Divorce is a serious step and nothing should be done until your're certain that divorce is the best course of action. Getting a divorce without making sure that divorce is the right thing is selfish on your part and is the wrong thing to do to your children... after all, they deserve your best effort!

One thing should remain constant...that you and your spouse will always be there for your children, no matter what.

© Karl Augustine, 2004


About the Author: "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce" - a resource recommended by professional marriage counselors to their clients. http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/children-and-divorce.htm

Source: www.isnare.com

 

divorce.co.uk - advice on mediation, counselling and legal aspects ...
An overview of divorce in the UK, including the law, mediation options and emotional support, from Mills & Reeve.
www.divorce.co.uk
 
Divorce Magazine, information about separation and divorce
Divorce Magazine is a compassionate self-help resource for people in need of information about separation and divorce.
www.divorcemag.com
 
Divorce - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the ... A decree of divorce is initially granted 'nisi', i.e. (unless cause is later ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
DivorceNet - Divorce Net: Family Law Information, Solutions, News ...
DivorceNet® is the Internet's largest divorce resource, offering state-specific articles, an online community and a nationwide directory of divorce lawyers, ...
www.divorcenet.com
 
The Divorce Support Page: Divorce, Child Custody, Alimony, Support ...
a support site for people experiencing, divorce, dissolution, separation, custody, alimony, visitation, etc. Divorce professionals to help you in your area.
www.divorcesupport.com
 
Divorce Source: a legal resource for divorce, custody, alimony ...
A state specific divorce web site providing information and referrals for people facing and experiencing issues revolving around divorce, separation, ...
www.divorcesource.com
 
DivorceInfo Surviving Divorce Managing Lawyers Alimony Child Support
Divorceinfo -Survive your divorce with some money in your pocket and your dignity intact.
www.divorceinfo.com
 
Divorce - Wex
An overview of divorce law with links to key primary and secondary sources, from Cornell University's Legal Information Institute.
www.law.cornell.edu
 
MedlinePlus: Divorce
Children; Children and Divorce (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry) ... Select services and providers for Divorce in your area. ...
www.nlm.nih.gov
 
Divorce Aid :: Online Guide to UK Divorce Law, Information and Advice
The largest free online interactive divorce resource in the UK for divorce law, advice, emotional support, counselling, mediation, and website for ...
www.divorceaid.co.uk
 
Divorce-Online :The UK's leading low cost divorce service
The largest free online divorce and separation resource in the UK with information, forums, chat, experts and articles.
www.divorce-online.co.uk
 
How to Divorce As Friends - Featured on Oprah - Bill Ferguson
Advice, recommended books, and telephone counseling to help couples resolve difficult issues connected with divorce or even save their marriage.
www.divorceasfriends.com
 
Welcome To Divorce Online ~ www.divorceonline.com
An electronic journal providing information and referrals for people facing divorce.
www.divorceonline.com
 
Federal Magistrates Court - On-line Application for Divorce
In the short-term, please use the Application for Divorce form which can be found at ... Our E-mail address for family law enquiries (including divorce) is ...
www.divorce.gov.au
 
DivorceCare: Divorce Recovery Support Groups
DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce.
www.divorcecare.com
 
Divorce Central Home Page
Links to divorce-related resources, organized by state, with an archive of articles and interviews.
www.divorcecentral.com
 
Divorce Helpline — tools to keep you out of court
Providing information about divorce, and referrals to family law attorneys.
www.divorcehelp.com
 
Divorce and relationship breakdown : Directgov - Parents
Advice on counselling, mediation and the divorce process, including where to find a solicitor.
www.direct.gov.uk
 
Americans for Divorce Reform, Inc.
John Crouch speaks about divorce law reform and presents a paper by John Crouch and Richard ... To find out how to work on divorce reform in your state ...
www.divorcereform.org
 
Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save ...
Divorce is not the answer to marriage problems. Stop your divorce and save your marriage with advice from Michele Weiner-Davis.
www.divorcebusting.com
 
 

 
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