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Does A Woman Have A Place?
Does a Woman Have "A Place?"
On an episode of the TV Show "Divorce Court," I watched as a very arrogant man proceeded to explain to the judge why he felt women had "a place." He explained that women shouldn't work, they shouldn't run for any public...
Gay Marriage 'Rights'
We have been brought up in a society where homosexuality is not acknowledged. To be in love with someone of the same sex is a sin and now to want the rights to live united under the bonds of matrimony is even a huger sin. But my thoughts are if a...
Have a Simple, Small, Green Wedding
A wedding is one of life's major rites of passage. It is certainly something to celebrate! Today, wedding books and magazines promote large weddings so that more and more wedding products can be sold. Wedding expenditures run into many thousands...
Love Makes The World Go Round
Love Makes The World Go Round!
Copyright © Lisa van den Berg
I must admit to being a whole half of one of those really soppy, wonderful marriages you see on rose tinted TV.
It never really rings true with me when people say , 'I'm one half of...
Men Collect and Shelve Women Trophies: Author Marc Rudov Blasts Unilateral Pursuit in Article About The Golden Rule
Marc H. Rudov, author of The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (TM), has published a new article, “The Golden Rule Dictates Your Sex Life,” that outlines the hazards of men unilaterally pursuing women....
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How to Make a Relationship Work
Arthur and Samatha are going at it again. It’s hard to watch from the outside, because it’s obvious they love each other, and obvious that they’re quite compatible. They’ve both been divorced, though, so they’re leery, and what they’re doing is finding sore points – even manufacturing them, instead of enjoying each other.
“But you don’t like opera,” says Samantha, “and you want to live in the country. How could we get married?”
“I know,” counters Arthur, “you like …”
It’s like the old song, “you say’ to MAY to’ and I say ‘to MAH to.’ How can love survive?” The song makes a very good point with humor. The couple in the song is seriously debating whether they’re meant for each other when they pronounce a word differently.
Arthur and Samantha are doing the same thing, and if they don’t watch out, they’re going to talk themselves out of a lovely relationship, one that could really work.
“The art of being wise,” said William James, “is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
When couples first date and fall in love, the emphasis is all on the things they have in common. Often you feel like you’ve discovered your very own, and one and only, soul-mate, and the blending and compatibility are marvelous. The rush of those yummy love-chemicals has something to do with this; after all, we can of “lose our minds” in love, for a while. Then nerves can set in, as you start to get serious about each other, and you start to get analytical. And what can stand up under constant analysis? Not a loving relationship!
Analyzing how you’re doing is a sure way to kill a good relationship. It’s better to focus on how you’re feeling at the moment, and stay in the moment. When you start questioning how things are going to be in the future, and feed it with memories of past horror stories, you’re sacrificing the real for the unreal.
When you think about it, anything could happen in the future, and many things will happen that you couldn’t possibly predict. It’s likely the things you’re imagining (he’ll be unfaithful, she’ll turn into a nag) will never happen, and things you could never imagine will happen, so there’s really
no use in playing it out too far into the future.
The important things to know about are how this person makes you feel, and if your values and attitudes toward marriage match, and a match of energy-level is nice, but even that can change over time. Whether they are a morning-person or a night-person, whether you share every interest in common, and which way he/she thinks the toilet paper should unroll are not important in the long run. Those are things TO overlook, and things you will HAVE to overlook if you’re going to live with someone else.
Relationships do take work, and you need someone else who understands this concept, but that doesn’t mean you have to go looking for trouble, or misinterpreting what ‘work’ means. The work of a relationship is being understanding and forgiving, overlooking unimportant things, and being positive and loving; it’s not about picking the relationship apart, finding fault, catastrophizing, or talking it to death. Live it; don’t analyze it.
The title of this article has a double meaning. You can turn something pleasant and fun into work if you want to, but I recommend remembering that dating is supposed to be fun and love is supposed to feel good! There’s so much written these days about relationships, you might even get the impression they’re difficult, so if you’re getting along and having a good time something must be wrong. Give yourself permission to go with a good thing, and give you and your partner credit for basically knowing what to do. You’re together, aren’t you?
You don’t need to figure out with your head whether you belong together; in fact your head can get in the way and mess up a good thing. Your heart tells you, if you quiet the analysis, and listen to it.
About the Author
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. I train and certify EQ coaches. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Email for FR** EQ ezine. Visit the ebook library - www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .
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| divorce.co.uk - advice on mediation, counselling and legal aspects ... |
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| The Divorce Support Page: Divorce, Child Custody, Alimony, Support ... |
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| An electronic journal providing information and referrals for people facing divorce. |
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| Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save ... |
| Divorce is not the answer to marriage problems. Stop your divorce and save your marriage with advice from Michele Weiner-Davis. |
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