|Interview with Author of God's Blueprint for a Healed & Restored Marriage
Interview with Audrey Lamb, author of God's Blueprint for a Healed and Restored Marriage and founder of AbundantLivesMinistry.org
Interview with author, Audrey Lamb
One of the toughest things we struggle with as a society is estranged and broken marriages resulting in familes that are hurting and seeking relief. This issue, we have Audrey Lamb, founder of Abundant Lives Ministry and author of "God's Blueprint for a Healed and Restored Marriage." We asked Audrey a few questions about marriage restoration, her new book and some of her other projects. Join us for inspiring insights into the power of our God in restoring and healing marriages.
Q. Tell me a little bit about how you came to write "God's Blueprint for a Healed and Restored Marriage?"
Actually, I have always wanted to write a book about marriage. It never occurred to me in a million years that I would write one concerning the healing and restoration of broken and even dead marriages.
Marriage and family have always been very close to my heart, even as a child. I believe that the family is the basic structure necessary for a healthy and stable society. When families are falling apart (even in the church) it is an indication of the health (or lack thereof) of our society and nation. We can’t expect to have secure children, a thriving neighborhood and/or a strong country when family after family is breaking apart.
I wrote the book because I can remember so vividly the pain and anguish I suffered as my own family began to fall apart. I didn’t think I could survive. But I did survive and I have even seen the Lord restore my relationship to my husband and break down walls between us that looked impossible to overcome. I heard it all from him-I don’t love you, I don’t respect you, I never loved you…I am no longer attracted to you blah…blah…blah. This same man now looks at me with the eyes of love he had for me when we were dating. He even serenaded me recently for my birthday. If someone were to tell me that would ever happen in the midst of our crises, I would have told them they were crazy. Boy is the enemy a liar. I had no reason to believe God could heal my heart or family- because it looked so horrible. I don’t like to share a lot of the details because I don’t like to put my husband in a bad light. I learned early on that it really does take two to destroy a marriage. I have also learned it takes two to heal a marriage (the one who believes, and God). I wrote the book: to encourage others not to give up on their marriages; to tell spouse’s: don’t believe the lies of the enemy and circumstances that you see today; and know that no matter how much pain you are in, God will heal your heart; even if a divorce occurs (as in my case) it does not hinder God from restoration in any way; to teach them how to avoid certain things that are particularly detrimental where restoration is concerned and to walk by faith.
It is not a formula…it is an invitation to be led by God every step of the way.
Q. Who is the typical person who can benefit from your book? Is it just people with troubled marriages or what about someone who feels fairly secure in his/her marriage relationship?
To be honest with you, I think everyone can benefit from the book. The reason I say that is, if I had known some of the things I wrote about before I experienced them, I think I could have avoided the situation entirely. There are many things that I did which were huge mistakes. I didn’t know it at the time. I didn’t even think that my marriage was in jeopardy. I think there are many people today who are feeling very secure in their marriages who are going to be shocked when the storm comes to test their foundation. Remember, both my husband and I were saved when we got married. We were the “least likely” couple anyone would ever think would divorce. We had four beautiful children, a thriving business, a beautiful home and we dated four years before we got married (we were childhood sweethearts). But the enemy was at work. The enemy can be very patient when it comes to causing little cracks that go hardly noticed. I talk to women all the time, who I can see are on the verge of trouble and they don’t even know it. I can tell by the things they say and the attitude of their hearts that trouble may be brewing. Everything is in the word to teach you how to have a successful marriage, but somehow it is so easy to miss. Also, I think that world’s view of marriage and relationships has crept into Christian marriages. Oftentimes, the things that we think create a good marriage are not even in the bible-- they come from the world. It works for a while but if a strong wind comes the world’s way of thinking will not help you in the least bit.
However, having said all of that, the book is addressed to women (because I am a woman and thought I could relate to the things that most women feel when experiencing a marital crisis); and it is particularly speaking to women whose marriages have broken down completely due to estrangement within the house (in the same house with no real relationship), separation or divorce.
Q. Why do you feel that God wants marriages to work?
Paul said that marriage was a picture of Christ’s relationship to the church. That is the foremost reason I believe that God wants marriages restored. When people get divorced it speaks of unforgiveness, hardness of heart and love that is based on conditions. The love that God wants to see depicted in marriages is one where love is “unconditional”. It is a love that is not based on how others treat us. It is a love that loves the spouse with the love God pours into your heart. That is the love that Christ loves His bride with. It is the love that says, I will never leave you or forsake you. His loves says, “My love for you is not contingent upon how you treat me”. Think of how often we have not lived up to our responsibilities as Christians. I thank God that Jesus doesn’t just give up on us. To the contrary, the bible teaches us that “Jesus ever liveth to make intercession for us”. I always say, a wife should be her husband’s greatest intercessor and vice-versa. That is what Jesus is to us. He looks at us in our mess—just like a spouse has to do, and He prays, and prays and prays and prays. That is the love God wants the world to see.
The other reason, is for the generations. Read Malachi 2. Divorce is a violent act and it is very painful for everyone involved. Children have an even harder time with it than most people are willing to admit. When a divorce occurs, children have to learn to trust and have faith even in God all over again. Divorce destroys faith and even causes children to wonder if He really does exist and care about them. They get a perverted view of “fatherly love”. In other words, they think… if one of the parents I can see, know and love can just abandon me, why should I trust a God I cannot see. Parents are God’s representatives to children. We give them their view of God.
Q. Why do you think so many marriages end in divorce these days?
Believe me, this is something I have pondered and prayed about for quite some time. I believe the answer can be found in 2 Timothy where it talks about how terrible times would be in the last days. It says in the last days, perilous times would come and men would be lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God. It says that men’s hearts would grow cold and wax hard. It further says that they would be abusers, unfaithful and blasphemous. If you have counseled as many people as I have, you learn that this scripture is accurate. If you knew the things that people in marriages do and are doing to each other, it would make your hair stand on end. So in order to make a long story short I believe there are several reasons Many do not know what real love is which can be found in, 1 Cor 13 (that is a far cry from the selfish love most people expect in their marriages. They think that love is a feeling rather than a commitment and a choice. People are expecting from each other in a marriage what only God can give them Couples rely on themselves rather than on God There is an enemy who comes to rob, kill and destroy, who is being ignored We do foolish things contrary to God’s word and give the enemy an open door
into our lives This is a hard one to admit, but many women have forgotten what the bible says about submitting to and respecting their husbands; although, many men are not giving their wives a reason to respect them (although this is not an excuse which we learn from 1 Peter 3) this always causes disorder in the home and leads to confusion The church has adopted the world’s view of what to do when a crisis hits a marriage. The world’s methods hardly ever work because this is more than a relational battle, it is a spiritual one. Last but not least, PRIDE. Pride is the single greatest reason I believe people divorce. Pride is at work somewhere in BOTH hearts. It is hard to detect because pride leads to “blindness of heart”. You just can’t see yourself and judge your heart and attitude correctly. Everything becomes the other person’s fault. To make matters worse, often those around us (parents, well meaning friends) help us to foster the pride that is within us causing the death of the marriage. Pride can lead a person to willfully disobey what God commands in His word. It causes you lose the fear of God. Pride always leads to the destruction.
Q. Tell me a little bit about My Beautiful Ones - your line of bath/body products and why you decided to start that?
Very often when a women experiences rejection of any kind, but especially that of a husband, it causes you to “second guess” a lot of things, even your womanhood. You question your value, whether you are lovable, whether you have committed some crime that caused you to deserve the treatment you are receiving…. “feeling beautiful” is the least of your experiences.
It was during this season in my life that the Lord began to cause me to distinguish the fact that my beauty and value were based completely on how God saw me not others. I learned to stop seeing myself through the eyes of others, and see how God saw me. He did this for me. He spoke beautiful things to my heart to let me know that He loved me and that I was very valuable. At times, He would speak to me through His word, sometimes through others and even directly to my heart….you know, that still small quiet voice. He reached my heart and He used whatever means necessary. He began to show me that the way I treated my body, through eating and caring for it, was reflective of how I felt about myself and whether or not I treasured who He created me to be. In addition, He spoke to me out of books like Esther to show me how preparation of my physical body correlated to me preparing my “spiritual body” for the return of the King of Kings. He lead me to exercise discipline in these outward areas so that I could see what was happening spiritually in my relationship to the Lord. Caring for our bodies is a lot like prayer, we know we have to do it but what we feel is a lack of time causes us to neglect something important to our well being. He showed me that if I neglected my body, I was neglecting my soul and spirit as well. Last, but not least, He was keeping me prepared for the days when I would see my husband and the day that He would eventually come home. See… if you are waiting for a spouse to return, (just like with our Savior), you do not know the day or the hour. You just have to be prepared. It was causing me to put my faith into action. By the way, it paid off. Men are very visual and even though I do not believe the Lord wants us to think that physical attractiveness alone will keep a husband, he wants us to be wise and “keep our selves” because it reflects His beauty in us as well.
“My Beautiful Ones”, is a message from the Father, to His daughters. It is a message to women who are single, married, widowed or divorced. He wants each one to know that it is His pleasure to love, protect, defend and provide for you. I have several books, a magazine and even a workshop which are soon to be released to carry this message from the Father. That particular ministry is based on the scripture in Isaiah 62:3,4 “You shall also be so beautiful and prosperous as to be thought of as a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem [exceedingly beautiful] in the hand of your God] You shall no more be termed Forsaken, nor shall your land be called Desolate any more. But you shall be called Hephzibah [My delight is in her], and your land shall be called Beulah [married]; for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married [owned and protected by the Lord].
Q. If you could get one message across to the people you reach what would it be?
My message is . . . (and I’m sure I sound like a broken record by now) We serve a GREAT BIG GOD!! Oftentimes, we fail to receive God’s very best because we believe the lies of the enemy. I want people to know that regardless of how impossible “looking” or painful their situation is, faith in God will bring healing and restoration. I owe that to God. I am reminded of a couple of weeks ago at a basketball game with my son. They were losing. It looked like all hope was lost. The parents in the audience had stopped cheering them on. I turned to my husband and said, it’s not too late, they can still turn this game around. He said, Audrey I don’t believe they can, if it was just about their playing that would be one thing, but the refs are making terrible calls against them. I couldn’t receive that report. I turned around and began to cheer the team on all by myself. I felt if they thought we (the parents) were giving up, they would give up as well, and just roll over and accept defeat. Well, they won the game. It was a miracle. Things turned in their favor. That is a lot like what I do regarding marriage restoration. I am a “cheerleader”. I can’t fix marriages, but I am sold out to the One who can and I just keep yelling as loud as I can, “Don’t give up” and “Don’t believe what you see”, “God can and will do it for you, press on”.
The way I look at it is that any god who could deliver me and my family from the trauma and devastation that we experienced really is the ONE TRUE GOD and my heart aches for others to believe Him for the impossible. I believe I feel the heart of the Father on this matter. He wants us to believe Him. His word says that faith pleases Him. I often hear people say, “I wonder if God wants me to believe for this marriage”? I assure you, YES, YES He does. Without faith it is impossible to please Him. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. So if you don’t have any evidence in your life that God can heal your marriage, you are the perfect candidate. He is looking for you, in particular. He wants everyone around you to see His power so that they will desire a relationship with Him also. Remember, Abraham “hoped against hope”- that means he had absolutely no reason to believe that he would receive his promise---but God delivered mightily!!!!!!!
Q. Anything else you'd like to add?
Yes, the very foundation of this ministry is to lead people to a closer relationship with the Lord. A personal and vital relationship that lives, breathes and moves in Him. There are no surprises to God. He knows everything that we will ever experience. I believe the whole reason He allows these challenges to come is so that we will learn to depend on Him for everything. He wants us to cling to Him for our very lives. Often, as human beings we don’t do this when everything is going our way. God doesn’t necessarily create the crisis but He allows it for our greater good. He wants that closeness and intimacy that will be produced when trust Him with your very life. I can say that God is wonderful. He is worthy to be praised. He is worthy of all our devotion. He will not let you down. Believe God for the impossible today!!!!
Click here to read excerpts from and pick up your copy of Audrey Lamb's ground-breaking new e-book on God's Blueprint for a Healed and Restored Marriage.
About the Author
Marnie Pehrson is an author, creator of IdeaMarketers, LocateACoach, BuildEbooks and more. She helps talented professionals deliver their messages to the online world. She also helps people earn money from home using the phone and the Internet. For more information on her projects, visit http://www.pwgroup.com.