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An Islamic Perspective on Divorce
Marriage as prescribed by God, is the lawful union of a man and women based on mutual consent. Ideally, the purpose of
marriage is to foster a state of tranquillity, love and compassion in Islam, but this is not always the case. Islam
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Dealing with Divorce- Developing the Courage to Communicate Differently
If you are unhappy with the relationship with your ex, then it is time to make a change.
Divorce...the word itself has such a stigma attached to it. When I tell someone that I am divorced the first words out of their mouth are “I’m sorry.” What...
Oldies
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 5, 2004
I am a captain in the Marine Corps. A year ago my wife cheated on me with another Marine. He lived in an apartment facing ours, which I passed every day on my way to work. She was my...
Prenuptial Agreements: Should They Be A Prerequisite To Marriage?
While not exactly the glamorous side of a marriage proposal, the
idea of a prenuptial, or ante nuptial, agreement is something
that most people about to be married should discuss. In case a
marriage doesn't work or one spouse dies before you have...
The Effect of Increasing Outside work
The Effect of Increasing Outside work
If your man is pursuing a career path please take note of
this. Because, although a breadwinner's intention is to
support by bringing money into the home, he is nevertheless
away from home for extended...
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Marriage - Divorce - Separation - How to handle the split loyalties after separation.
We have all most probably encountered it at some stage in our lives - who do we stay friends with after a couple divorces or separates?
The text book answer is to stay friends with both parties of course but that’s a mighty tall order to fulfil as we are dealing with human emotions and judgemental attitudes here as well.
Fortunately I think that most normal friends witnessing a couple of family splitting up can actually see both sides of the coin and actually do stay away from taking sides.
However, in the real world the divorcing couple will normally expect you to commit to one side or the other and this pattern often establishes itself way before the final separation or divorce. This is due to our blame culture where we often ignore our own responsibilities for the situation we find ourselves in - it’s always someone else’s fault - black & white, when actually there will be many shades of grey that overlap and it is often not until many years later and upon a lot of reflective thought that we suddenly realise that we were actually partly to blame for the failure of that relationship.
So, how do friends handle the initial expectation from one part of the divorcing couple to now ignore their former partner? It can be really tough for friends of separating partners - you know, who do you invite to the family party - him or her - can you invite both? - what will happen if they both meet at the daughters wedding? - god forbid but what will happen should each one bring a new partner? - The scenarios are endless.
Having experienced several friends now go through divorce and separation proceedings and each one has found its own set of issues, I can say that there is no set advice or guidance in the form of a one size fits all answer.
However, there are a few outline framework procedures that I would certainly adopt in order to ensure that your former couple remain friends long after the divorce or separation.
Firstly - always try to balance being sympathetic and understanding to your main friend but without actually agreeing to any of their own conclusions regarding blame etc. - remember your only hearing one side of a very unbalanced perspective. This ensures that you do not reinforce your friends biased
viewpoint and you can still remain impartial - very important. This may require exemplary diplomatic skills but if your conscious of this fact can actually be quite challenging and rewarding - its like being tested yourself.
Secondly, make it clear to your main friend that you may still see or respond to their former partner from time to time after the divorce or separation for obvious and practical reasons. Most of our lives are intertwined these days with other stuff such as the sharing of the school run or business contacts for example. It needs to be made clear by way of simple inexplicit references with your normal conversations that this will happen. This signals to your main friend that divided loyalties are not actually that simple to divide in the manner that they may be thinking. It also ensures that you are not accused of being a ‘Judas’ and losing the confidence or friendship of your main friend when they find out that you have had contact with their former partner.
And thirdly, never, ever say what you really thought of their former partner even if you think that having empathy with their feelings will help them over this period - Just remember that a high proportion of separating couples do actually end up getting back together again & releasing a load of sympathetic venom last month will stick in your reunited friends throat like barbed wire and your relationship with them both will never be the same again.
Within these three basic guidance rules will be a whole host of anomalies that will occur that will need careful thoughtful planning on what your responses will be for each individual case of a divorcing couple. It wont be easy - it never is especially when dealing with a high emotional content. But trying to frame your responses within these three basic guidance rules should ensure that your friendship is retained and remains flexible for most situations that may occur over the coming years.
About the Author
Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.
http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com
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| divorce.co.uk - advice on mediation, counselling and legal aspects ... |
| An overview of divorce in the UK, including the law, mediation options and emotional support, from Mills & Reeve. |
| www.divorce.co.uk |
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| Divorce Magazine, information about separation and divorce |
| Divorce Magazine is a compassionate self-help resource for people in need of information about separation and divorce. |
| www.divorcemag.com |
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| Divorce - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the ... A decree of divorce is initially granted 'nisi', i.e. (unless cause is later ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
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| DivorceNet - Divorce Net: Family Law Information, Solutions, News ... |
| DivorceNet® is the Internet's largest divorce resource, offering state-specific articles, an online community and a nationwide directory of divorce lawyers, ... |
| www.divorcenet.com |
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| The Divorce Support Page: Divorce, Child Custody, Alimony, Support ... |
| a support site for people experiencing, divorce, dissolution, separation, custody, alimony, visitation, etc. Divorce professionals to help you in your area. |
| www.divorcesupport.com |
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| Divorce Source: a legal resource for divorce, custody, alimony ... |
| A state specific divorce web site providing information and referrals for people facing and experiencing issues revolving around divorce, separation, ... |
| www.divorcesource.com |
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| DivorceInfo Surviving Divorce Managing Lawyers Alimony Child Support |
| Divorceinfo -Survive your divorce with some money in your pocket and your dignity intact. |
| www.divorceinfo.com |
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| Divorce - Wex |
| An overview of divorce law with links to key primary and secondary sources, from Cornell University's Legal Information Institute. |
| www.law.cornell.edu |
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| MedlinePlus: Divorce |
| Children; Children and Divorce (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry) ... Select services and providers for Divorce in your area. ... |
| www.nlm.nih.gov |
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| Divorce Aid :: Online Guide to UK Divorce Law, Information and Advice |
| The largest free online interactive divorce resource in the UK for divorce law, advice, emotional support, counselling, mediation, and website for ... |
| www.divorceaid.co.uk |
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| Divorce-Online :The UK's leading low cost divorce service |
| The largest free online divorce and separation resource in the UK with information, forums, chat, experts and articles. |
| www.divorce-online.co.uk |
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| How to Divorce As Friends - Featured on Oprah - Bill Ferguson |
| Advice, recommended books, and telephone counseling to help couples resolve difficult issues connected with divorce or even save their marriage. |
| www.divorceasfriends.com |
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| Welcome To Divorce Online ~ www.divorceonline.com |
| An electronic journal providing information and referrals for people facing divorce. |
| www.divorceonline.com |
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| Federal Magistrates Court - On-line Application for Divorce |
| In the short-term, please use the Application for Divorce form which can be found at ... Our E-mail address for family law enquiries (including divorce) is ... |
| www.divorce.gov.au |
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| DivorceCare: Divorce Recovery Support Groups |
| DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce. |
| www.divorcecare.com |
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| Divorce Central Home Page |
| Links to divorce-related resources, organized by state, with an archive of articles and interviews. |
| www.divorcecentral.com |
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| Divorce Helpline — tools to keep you out of court |
| Providing information about divorce, and referrals to family law attorneys. |
| www.divorcehelp.com |
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| Divorce and relationship breakdown : Directgov - Parents |
| Advice on counselling, mediation and the divorce process, including where to find a solicitor. |
| www.direct.gov.uk |
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| Americans for Divorce Reform, Inc. |
| John Crouch speaks about divorce law reform and presents a paper by John Crouch and Richard ... To find out how to work on divorce reform in your state ... |
| www.divorcereform.org |
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| Divorce Busting® - Solve Marriage Problems, Save My Marriage, Save ... |
| Divorce is not the answer to marriage problems. Stop your divorce and save your marriage with advice from Michele Weiner-Davis. |
| www.divorcebusting.com |
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