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Deciding on divorce ........
Deciding on divorce is a big decision. You should understand that you aren't a bad person just because you think you want a divorce. Your spouse is not automatically a bad person because he/she may be causing you to feel this way (or so you may...
Family Ties – When to Let Go
Ruth consulted with me because she was confused about what to do regarding her mother, her brother, and her son.
From the time Ruth was born, she never felt like she belonged in her family. Her mother ignored Ruth, obviously preferring her...
How to Make a Relationship Work
Arthur and Samatha are going at it again. It’s hard to watch from the outside, because it’s obvious they love each other, and obvious that they’re quite compatible. They’ve both been divorced, though, so they’re leery, and what they’re doing is...
Is it Self-Esteem or Self-Confidence or what lies in between?
Is it Self-Esteem or Self-Confidence or what lies in between? I was driven towards looking to the self-confidence and self-esteem in ourselves on a deeper level. How do we evaluate the two? On a human level and perhaps whilst growing up, our...
Marriage - Miscommunication... Root Cause of Problems?
People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments and fights. It's that situation when one thinks he has the right concept while the other one also believes he has the proper notion. Both of them would try to outsmart each other until one claims...
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Why Do Men Cheat?
The reasons why men cheat in a relationship are often different than the reasons why women cheat. A man's reason for cheating can include genetics, a sense of challenge, self-esteem and a lack of interest in their current relationship. None of these reasons are justifiable but it is very helpful to understand them.
Genetics may play a factor. There is a theory that some men are more susceptible because of high testosterone levels and high sex drive. The theory suggests that men are programmed from prehistoric times to ensure the survival of the species by being sexual with as many women as possible.
Certainly some men have very high sex drives, but this is no reason for unfaithfulness to a partner in today's world of overpopulation and rampant divorce. Just like any other health issue, there are better ways available than giving in to the urges.
Another reason men cheat is the sense of challenge. They enjoy getting away with the affair, as well as the challenge of finding other women with whom to cheat. They enjoy the conquest more than anything.
Sure they enjoy the sexuality of the affair, but the pursuit, sneaking around, and the orchestration of the affair give the adrenaline rush that is more important than either the affair or the current relationship.
Men also cheat because of competition with other men. If their friends are single or cheating on their partners the man may feel he has to keep up with his friends.
This competition also fits in with the ego boost men will usually feel when in an affair. They feel desirable, powerful, and like a winner. They take pride in their ability to attract women and don't care that doing so may destroy their relationship. Often the excitement of the chase is
more important than the conquest.
Sometimes, just knowing that other women find them desirable is enough of a stroke that an actual affair is not even necessary. In general, it is a lack of self-esteem that drives them to reaffirm their attractiveness and desirability.
There usually is some difference between men who repeatedly cheat and those who have a single affair and then are rather surprised to find themselves in such a situation. The last reason for cheating is more likely to apply to this second group.
A man who is in a undesirable relationship is an affair waiting to happen. If the relationship has begun to wane and the man no longer feels the same attraction, he may find himself moving from boredom toward the excitement of another woman. It often starts as an innocent friendship that goes too far.
While the wise thing for such a man to do would be to either end the deteriorating relationship or go to work on making it better, many men hold on to it for safety while becoming involved with someone else.
All these reasons contribute to why men cheat: genetics, competition, self-esteem, and boredom. None justify the breaking of faith with a partner and the resulting loss of true emotional intimacy. However, understanding the problem helps us move toward the solutions in future articles.
About the author:
Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Married 27 years, he has personally known the peaks and valleys of the couple experience.
http://www.whatworksforcouples.com
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