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Long Distance Caregiving for a Loved One is Particularly
Long Distance Caregiving for a Loved One is Particularly
Difficult
Word count 544 at 60 CPL
By Linda LaPointe
Use this article freely in print or electronic media, but
please use author’s byline and let me know where and how it
is used.
Long Distance Caregiving for a Loved One is Particularly
Difficult
The phone rang at 5 a.m. John was sure it couldn’t be good
news at that hour. He was right. Mom’s neighbors were
calling him from 850 miles away in Texas to say that she was
out watering her roses an hour ago on a cold, early spring
morning. John knew that she had been failing. She wasn’t
the same Mom he could always count to stand by him. Now he
needed to stand by her. But how?
Families are now living further apart from each other. This
is difficult because your elders require ever-increasing
assistance, yet the distance between you makes it difficult
to perform the tasks of a primary caregiver. But most elders
are reluctant to leave their home of many years to move to
the town in which their adult children live. This reluctance
can become a stressful point of contention between adult
children and their parent(s).
Often, it is a financial issue. In-home care and assisted
living can be much more expensive in New York or California
than in the center of the country. Resources simply may not
stretch as far to allow one to live as one chooses.
Regardless of the reasons, many adult children find
themselves far away and concerned that parents are not doing
as well as they may insist in those telephone visits. There
are some ways to help manage long distance caregiving.
+Try to visit as soon as possible to assess the situation. Take notes of possible problem areas and gather information about senior resources in their area.
+Make sure legal and financial affairs are in place. Keep copies of important
papers and telephone numbers of contacts.
+Plan ahead to have back up providers to care for your own family in case you need to make an unexpected visit to your relative. It is also a good idea to bank some vacation or sick days from work for these visits as well.
+Seek the assistance of a Professional Care Manager specializing in assessing and
monitoring the needs of the elderly.
+Consider all the options before moving your relative, but begin talking with them about this possibility. You could be surprised to learn they are willing to move closer to you, but they never mentioned this for fear of burdening you with their problems.
+Retain a copy of the Yellow Pages that serves
your parent's community. The next time your parent calls
and you need to locate resources, you won't need to search
out numbers or call information long-distance.
When you live hundreds of miles away from an aging loved
one, there is a constant level of anxiety over his or her
welfare. Every family must make their own decisions about
how to handle the situation. Dr. Mary Pipher, in her book
Another Country, Navigating the Emotional Terrain of our
Elders makes a convincing argument for having the aging
parent(s) move near the adult child who will, or currently
handles their financial or care decisions. It is an option
that should be given much consideration. Be sure to have a contact person who lives close to the parent periodically
checking on their health and cognitive status. Better yet,
also have someone who can act upon your and her or his
behalf until you can.
About the Author
Linda LaPointe, MRA, has been a nursing home administrator
and is now an ElderLife Matters consultant and national
educator. Find free informational articles, exercises,
links, audio interviews and products to help families
experiencing elder issues at her website
http://www.SOSpueblo.
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