|
|
Interviews With Successful Ezine Publishers - Renee Kennedy
Renee Kennedy is the editor of The NutriCounter Update, a light-hearted ezine that provides one fresh article on a topic related to weight loss, diet, nutrition and weight management. To subscribe, visit http://www.nutricounter.com/subscribe.htm ...
Marketing Your Online Business With A Solid Plan
Listen up! I am going to let you in on the most important "secret" to finding online success with your own business. If you want to build a strong, long lasting and profitable online business you need to start with a solid marketing plan. Don't...
Taking the Mystery out of Marketing
Knowing where to start to improve your marketing can be a bit of a mystery. Is it your marketing message, the places you advertise, your web site or what? By measuring the results or your marketing efforts and collecting feedback, you can...
The Nine Warning Signs that You need a Sales Video
Corporate videos are an important sales tool that can often be overlooked in marketing budgets.
We look at the top nine tell-tale signs that indicate whether your company is in need of an innovative and effective way to promote itself.
1....
Top 10 Blog Writing Tips
Most of the "rules" about writing for ezines and newsletters apply to writing posts for your blog, but there are some important differences. Keep these 10 tips in mind and you'll be publishing great blog content that attracts prospects and clients...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Orange Marmalade Lid Secrets Of The GURUs
Ever notice how the first ten paragraphs of every sales pitch you read online are the same?
Ever notice how the first two pages of most ebooks or info reports you get are the same?
If you think about it, I'm certain you can tell me exactly what it is they all go over, can't you?
Of course you can. What is it they ALL talk about?
All together now...
"The DREAM of Making It BIG!!!"
They begin with the compassionate approach about how frustrating it is to know the 'BIG' marketers are all getting rich and you are not. Then, they describe to you the details of "The DREAM of Making It BIG!!!". You know, more money, more power, influence, time and freedom. Then, they close with how what they have to offer will get you 'over the hump' and well on your way to realizing your dream.
Ok fine, the compassion bit is aimed at making a connection with you. That's good, we've discussed how that is important before. The closing where they offer to speed you on your way toward realizing your goals is fine, too. If they have a good product and believe it will help people then fine, say as much.
But...
Why do we have to go over the details of "The DREAM of Making It BIG!!!" every stinking time?
What, you don't think I KNOW why it is I'm here to begin with? You don't think I have that dream right there in the front of my mind at all times?
Why in the 'h-e-double Eiffel Tower toothpicks' do you think I'm sitting at my computer at two in the morning reading your stupid ebook in the first place?!
Why do we have to spend all that time at the start of every sales letter and every ebook going over the details of "The DREAM of Making It BIG!!!" again and again and again?
Can't we just skip the obvious and get to the point? Can't we just get to the heart of what you are offering or what it is you are trying to teach me?
Why indulge in all that fluff? Get to the meat! Just think of how many electronic trees you could save if you didn't use so many electronic pages!
Unless, wait, is this a contest or something? It's that why everyone spends so much time laying out their version of "The DREAM of Making It BIG!!!"? Is it just a contest to see who can drum up the best description of The DREAM? To see who can best describe the ultimate in Internet marketing success?
Well, in that case, move over GURUs! Move over you piddley little haphazard metaphor for financial freedom writing fools!
The MAN is here.
Feast your eyes, my friends, on "The TRUE, Ultimate DREAM of Making It BIG!!!" I mean after all, I am the BEST writer (of my own articles) the Internet has ever seen!
Stand back ye flies! Let the true exponentially exciting, yet not necessarily true, DREAM writing begin!
---------
Frustrated, are you?
Do you lay awake at night, restless, because you have not yet discovered the secret for driving hordes of herds of countless of maniacally insane amounts of credit card waving traffic to your web site?
Do you long to know the secrets of the Internet GURUs who have already taken $250 out of your bank account so you can take $25000 out of each of their accounts as a bribe for not giving those secrets away to others?
Well, then, I know exactly how you feel because I, too, felt that frustration just this last week. That is before I discovered the secrets of the GURUs written on the lid of a jar of orange marmalade I got out of my granny's cellar.
But now! Because I'm such a nice, young, rich, handsome, well put together, did I mention rich, generous man who desires MORE influence, MORE power, MORE women who
want to feed me grapes, an unspeakably large lawn filled with malicious Dobermans, and a second private jet just in case my wife feels like eating dinner in a different country than I do... I am going to GIVE you those secrets!
Yes, if you long to hear the whining sound of your banker saying "No! Please, not more money! Take it away, we can't handle any more!"... then I suggest you listen up.
I would, out of the kindness of my heart, just send each of you the original lid from the orange marmalade jar for free, so you could learn the secrets for yourself at no charge, but, well, Granny just re-used that lid to put up some nice gooseberry jelly and she says we can't open it again for at least six months or "it won't have been worth the cannin', young man!"
Fortunately for you, though, I recorded those secrets in digital form before they met with the gooseberries. And I will GIVE them to you in that digital form. However, since I hate typing I'm going to have to charge each of you $59.95 for the five minutes I had to spend transcribing from the lid.
But no matter! That's such a small price to pay when you consider that after applying these secrets you'll be able to:
1. Buy Earth from God and implement a gravity tax. 2. Determine the outcome of all of TV's reality shows according to your whim and pleasure and who you think The Bachelor should have married. 3. Merge the companies of Coca-Cola and Pepsi and name the resulting soft drink Poca-Epsi, just because you feel like it. 4. Rule the Internet with an Iron Mouse, tearing down any web site that does not bear a link to one of yours on at least every other line of text... and a picture of SpongeBob. 5. Never have to pay for car insurance again! (well, I think that would be cool anyway)
However, those are just a few of the dreams you'll get to realize. There will be more because you'll have ultimate power. You'll know everything, and get to be everything. In fact, you'll be the most sought after individual on the planet!
That's right! Forget Yanik Silver, you'll be Yanik Gold! Forget Frank Garon, you'll be Frank Baron! Forget Terry Dean, you'll be Terry President! Forget Mark Joyner, you'll be Mark Joyful!
Yes, FREE access to the Orange Marmalade Lid Secrets Of The GURUs ebook is yours for only a small transcription fee of $59.95.
But wait there's more....
Well, not really, but who cares? You've already got everything!
With the Orange Marmalade Lid Secrets Of The GURUs ebook YOU WILL Be SUPREME!!!! Or Your Money Back!! (minus the cost of shipping and handling and the payment on my Ferrari, of course)
---------
Now then, contest over, right? I am the King. If anyone dares to get into a contest of inflated writing with me, they will soon find themselves floating away like a hot air balloon on a cold morning. Am I right?
So, no longer do we need to recap all the details of "The DREAM of Making It BIG!!!" at the beginning of every sales letter and ebook.
OK?
We ALL know what it is we dream of. You don't have to tell us. So, from now on, PLEASE, just get to the point!
You know, like I always do.
---------------------------------------------------------------- *written by Joe Bingham of NetPlayNewsletters.com For more 'Marketing Humor' and 'Straight Edge' marketing information, download Joe Bingham's FREE e-book "A Cynic's Guide To Understanding Internet Marketing" http://www.netplaynewsletters.com Go Now! Check out the *NEW* NetPlay Humor ezine as well! -----------------------------------------------------------------
About the Author
None
|
|
|
|
|
Ezine Article Submission - Submit Your Best Articles For Massive ... |
EzineArticles.com allows ezine or email list publishers to upload or download free expert content that can be used within email newsletters or websites. |
ezinearticles.com |
  |
The Ezine Directory |
The Ezine Directory lists thousands of the best email newsletters available on the internet today. Search, browse, or add your ezine for free! |
www.ezine-dir.com |
  |
e-zine-list: John Labovitz's e-zine-list |
I also wrote "Five years and counting," a longer article for Art-bin about the history of e-zines and the e-zine-list. Finally, for the real Internet ... |
www.meer.net |
  |
BME: Body Modification Ezine - The biggest and best online bod-mod ... |
Comprehensive resource on piercing, tattoos, scarification, subincision, castration and all other forms of body modification. |
www.bmezine.com |
  |
Ezine Publishers & Email Marketers Promote Their New Email ... |
Submit Your Ezine To New-List For Massive Free Exposure - Grow Your Ezine - Ezine Marketing Made Easy By New-List.com. |
new-list.com |
  |
Ezine - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
Ezines are typically tightly focused on a subject area. ... CULT OF THE DEAD COW claims to have published the first ezine, starting in 1984, with its ezine ... |
en.wikipedia.org |
  |
News & Ezine Strategies For Email Newsletter Publishers ... |
EmailUniverse, The E-mail List-Owner Resource Network is an excellent source for today's Email List Owners, Managers, and Editors. |
emailuniverse.com |
  |
Best Ezines - Email Newsletter Peer Reviews & Ezine Awards For ... |
Email Newsletter Publishing Award Site: Fellow Ezine Publishers Review The Best Email Newsletters. |
www.bestezines.com |
  |
Ezine Directory |
Home | Sign-up for your Free listing | Link to us Code | TOP 100 Ezines. CATEGORIES ... ezine directory. link exchange with us ... |
www.ezinelisting.com |
  |
Browser based email list management, ezine hosting, and campaign ... |
Browser based email list management, ezine hosting, and campaign software. Keep in constant contact with clients and potential customers. |
www.ezinedirector.com |
  |
Splendid E-zine |
Splendid: Daily music reviews, articles, interviews and more. |
www.splendidezine.com |
  |
OS/2 e-Zine - The Best OS/2 Reading Anywhere! |
Monthly magazine with reviews, articles, and discussion forums. |
www.os2ezine.com |
  |
E-ZineZ - The Handbook of Ezine Publishing |
An ezine directory, free ezine builder tool, ezine tutorials including everything you need to know to start publishing an ezine or email newsletter. |
www.e-zinez.com |
  |
EzineUniversity - Free Online Training for Ezine Publishers |
EzineUniversity provides provides information, tools and products for ezine publishers. Featuring EzineUniversity Journal, EZU Tutor and FREE online ... |
www.ezineuniversity.com |
  |
Ezines |
E-zines directory with categories of free ezines, newsletters, email magazines and online publications. |
www.web-source.net |
  |
My Favorite Ezines - The Family Friendly Ezine and Email ... |
The best family friendly ezine and email newsletter directory providing education - motivation - inspiration and marketing support. |
www.myfavoriteezines.com |
  |
Tattoos.Com Ezine Front Page |
Historical information from the tribal art of Borneo to the wood block prints of Japan. Alphabetical listing of studios around the world, events, ... |
tattoos.com |
  |
Welcome To Ezine.Com! |
Welcome To Ezine.Com! Welcome Page For Ezine.Com ezine online magazine electronic magazine zine e-zine ezines eziner ezining. |
www.ezine.com |
  |
Ezine Information |
What makes your ezine hot stuff? With literally thousands of ezines online ... We all have ezines that we love to read and learn from but that doesn't mean ... |
www.dtguide.com |
  |
Asian American Movement Ezine |
Asian American Movement Ezine is a radical and progressive zine on Asian American politics, art, history and culture. |
www.aamovement.net |
  |
|